Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

[Owlunar]

@Sophia1- that is a wonderful post - my heart overflowed with love reading it - and I teared up - which was really a good feeling - sometimes tears are a sign of healing.

Yes - grief is painful - it is the price for love - but loss after loss is brutal - we often don't have time to recover from one when the next loss slams into us - I know - I lost my favourite aunt and uncle close together last year - they were my friends as well as relatives - and my uncle was the big brother I never had and my mentor - so I do understand. I still feel it though it has found a spot of acceptance in my heart - they were both seriously unwell and elderly - I have lost other relatives during the past years - as natural as it has to be it still really rips us apart - I do hear you.

It takes time - those moments of clarity will increase and last longer. There is something within us wanting the time to pass so we can get on with our lives - anything to stop the pain - which feels unbelievable - and clear our minds - I know. 

It all takes time in its own way - there is no other way but through it - I did have it explained to me after my son died - if we have a heart attack or similar life changing event we are in hospital hooked up to monitors and whatever else - no one asks anything of us and all we have to do is breathe - and people can see we are helpless - not that this would be easier - except it is obvious.

Grief is invisible - we are just as helpless - and people do ask things of us - and we often can't give - we are in too much pain - pain no one can see. It's real though.

It is true in time that the connections which are never lost do remain with us forever - as does their beauty. My son's life was tumultuous and his death so sudden. Years - decades - have passed and now I see he gave me a beautiful gift - it is hard to explain - a gift of insight, compassion, enhancement of my life and its value, my gift of writing increased, I see more and understand more. It took such a long time and it still grows. No one can ever take it away from me. 

Your post has touched me deeply - I thank you from the depths of my heart - your message - your story - is quite possibly among the strongest reasons I write here.

I pray things will be easier - the time not too long - and the lessons learned with increase.

I wish you peace - even if the moments are brief at first

Owlunar

Yes - I do have physical pain and I thank you for your support. 

[Shaz51]

ohhhh my beautiful friends @Sophia1 , @Krishna , @amber22 , @maddison 

and my wonderful forum mum @Owlunar , thank you so much for your support 😍

sitting with you today sending you lots of hugs 

[Sophia1]

Thank you @Owlunar 

It certainly allows me to feel warmth that I was able to be a part of your reaction to my words.

Tears are healing for whatever reason they come.

They carry with them some of the weight that causes the emotion to arise within.

The bodies way of releasing some of the pent up energy.

I am so sorry I know the story of your son and remember the pain and anguish that you used to write about.

My own life has been a merrygoround of medical intervention, appointments; husband's medical dilemmas ..twin drama..narcissism...just general blech.

I feel as though life has been drained out of me.

We are hopefully going away...getting away from everyone and everything here.

This might help.

I would like to start writing but do not know where to start.

Do you have another thread?

I do not want to overtake subjects on threads.

I am not on here all of the time anyway.

I think that you have several people with whom you already talk and I understand the spreading out too far.

Take care

Sophia1

[Owlunar]

Thanks @Shaz51 

From your Forum Mum

Hi again @Sophia1 

Going away for a short time and getting away from it all is a brilliant idea. It will make a difference..

You have a lot going on in your life - general blech plus I think - when would you have time to go to work.

Tears are good - they contain cortisol which is released when we cry - otherwise it builds up in our systems and can make us feel bad - sometimes really sick.

I feel like a wimpy kid when I shed a tear or two - but that's silly - crying is natural.

I'm back on the bandwagon about my son - after all these years - I tagged you into my thread but not onto my post about him - but anyone can read it.

It's just me blowing my trumpet

All the best

Owlunar

[Shaz51]

I do understand though - after all the trouble and waiting to get the DSP - finally getting it could have a bit of a backlash attached - so much energy and tension has certainly been part of all of this. It does have to be a natural reaction.

what you had written @Owlunar is sooo true 

Mr shaz could not believe that i have got the DSP now 

I lost the carers payment when my mum went to hospital aged care 

and my feelings now are "WHAT NOW" 

@FloatingFeather 

[Owlunar]

Good question @Shaz51 

What now?

There is always something - when we sort out one issue the next one is waiting in line for our attention.

It's interesting - people must give up some kind of employment to care for someone - and then that someone goes into aged care - and then you are still needed for a different kind of caring role - but then - no income.

I'm glad you got the DSP - that's good - your health is not good at all and somehow it has seemed amazing to me that you have had to battling so long to get it.

And Mr Shaz is amazed that you got it - and he isn't well either - would he be entitled to it himself?

Regardless - I hope having your own income now will take some of the stress off you and maybe your health-situation will be easier to endure.

I wish you the best with that

Your Forum Mum

Owlunar

[Shaz51]

Thank you my forum Mama @Owlunar 

mr shaz wants to go for carers pension until he can get the aged pension in a couple of years 

@maddison , @amber22 , @Krishna , @Sophia1 , @FloatingFeather , @Appleblossom , @Dimity , @StuF , @Determined , @Smc , @tyme , @amber22 

[Appleblossom]

@Shaz51 They do not give out DSP easily.

It is income security, but also an acknowledgment of disability.  That is hard.  It takes grieving one's sense of self and hope that it will get better.  It often goes along with a lot of pain. So not an easy road at all.  Just find a way of living within your budget and physical capability.  Maybe take up a healthy hobby as distraction and socialising .... be there for Mr shaz and family, but sometimes having your own thing happening can be good for all.

[Shaz51]

ohh very true my @Appleblossom xxxx

the specialist as put me on the DSP because of what will happen in the next 2 years , i see and fell  i have already cant do things that i used too do 

[Owlunar]

@Appleblossom @Shaz51 

Well said Apple - the DSP is very hard to get - I was on it early in the piece - it's a long story - I had to prove I needed financial support - then - every year after I got it - I was interviewed and needed doctor's certificates to prove I still needed support - until I got onto the Age Pension.

Then of course I no longer had to prove anything - I was never going to get any younger after all.

At this point Mr Shaz amazes me - it was hard for you to get the Carer's Pension - mm - mostly it seems to me you needed that to care for him at times - but then - strange things happen at sea and within Government Departments.

I am not sure how old men have to be to get the Age Pension - I know that people who can work have to wait until they are older than they used to be. Still - I also know that Mr Shaz finds it hard to work unless you go with him at times. So - it's not easy and it is complicated

He can try - I guess - we can never tell

Sending hugs and understanding to all of you

Mumma Bear

Owlunar