Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Faith-and-Hope]

While it is clear that we have an eating disorder on board, the most telling aspects of it are kept hidden, aggressively so.  Otherwise we are just managing with a whole lot of extreme behaviour and symptoms indicating that there is something more there, likely driving the e.d.  I suspect a multiple diagnosis, but my hubby has no insight into his unwell behaviours, and as such, no interest in speaking up to doctors about them.  I can’t pretend they don’t exist, so I am considered oppositional by him, and by his mother who is enabling him.

We can still manage some good family times around the issues and resulting chaos, and the kids are so full of wit that laughs happen a lot too, which is bitter-sweet.

Other than that, it’s a holding pattern ..... waiting for something to give, and hoping it’s not terrifyingly serious when it does.

There is life to be gotten on with, wounds to lick and heal, grief to mourn, and hills to climb ..... there is music, art, we are blessed to travel, and I have some lovely friends who send supportive thoughts and hugs my way ..... many of them here on the forums.

[sharnie]

Thankyou for this thread.  I have lived with my husband's depression, anxiety and panic attacks for years but it is getting overwhelming. Signed up here as a last resort and would like to understand what's happening and understand the condition more. I am so tired of watching everything I say and do. Perhaps my being extremely sick over the xmas period up until 2 weeks ago, has given me a different perspective into my life and how I live it - I'm tired

[Former-Member]

Hi @sharnie and welcome,

@Grayso you might want to meet some others who care for their partners too. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi and welcome @sharnie @Grayso .

@sharnie it is really important to begin doing small things that meet your own needs.  Self-care is a necessary part of being a carer.  You need juice in the tank to keep going and maintain the carer role.  Here are some Carer’s Hints and Tips to Success that might help.

[Dunks]

Hi @sharnie 

It is so important to take good care of yourself.. even a few moments each day to just focus on you.  When you are mentally and physically exhausted you cannot cope.

Take care of you

[Former-Member]

@sharnieit seems so unrelenting at times ... is hubby actively involved in treatment?

Hi @Sasha_86  how are things with you and yours?

[Carlachris]

My own illness is what turned things around for us. There has to be room for ourselves as well. MI tends to dominate us with fear. I have set several boundaries that I am firm and will not allow to be crossed. I was very scared but they came from my exhaustion dealing with my own physical needs.  I was invisible even my illness became an excuse for my hubby to play up on multiple levels and take away my quietness. Time apart is hard for most of us without the intrusions but I have one hour a day un MI time. It’s not much to ask just hard to stick to. But much improved our lives. The exhaustion needs to stop as I said to hubby or I will have a breakdown......penny drop moment with him. He hadn’t thought about it happening to anyone other than himself. Just hadn’t realized.

[Dunks]

Some quiet time @Carlachris 

That is what I am trying to create too.

Just a bit of time when everything just stops ... the noise and chaos

[Sasha_86]

Hi @Former-Member  I'm doing well thank you! I finally found some time in the last day or so to get back here and see how everyone is going 😊 we are taking each day as it comes, medication reviews, job search and all that comes with that for my love brings the good and the bad but we are still strong and still connected! I take so much solace when I touch base back here I really need to reconnect regularly with you all!

How are you and yours? 😁

[Former-Member]

Lovely to hear from you @Sasha_86 . Sounds like things are relatively steady at. present.