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Looking after ourselves

Stephanie86
Contributor

Terminal cancer and Me

My husband has terminal cancer and he's not far from the end. It's an ordeal I would not wish on my worst enemy. 

Were young so it's hard because we won't get to spend the rest of our lives together. 

But I'm left with no support and the questions what about me? 

There isn't anyone helping me that is near me get through this. We have children and they are suffering and I'm looking after them hard. Yet no one is looking after me. 

 

I Understand the concept of what he's going through and I know when he says all the nasty things it's not him it's the cancer but because of those things I am left on my own. No one close no one who can talk to me about how I'm feeling and worst of all having my feelings be told they are not important. 

I truly feel lost and unsure of where to go, I know professionals and eveything and I'm doing that but what I need is a friend who will come have coffee with me listen to my feelings and just validate that Im allowed to feel this and it's not wrong. 

11 REPLIES 11
Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Terminal cancer and Me

Oh @Stephanie86 there is no need to go through this alone. Both the Carer Gateway and the Cancer Council have counseling supports in place where you can speak to someone who understands. The treatment team will also have a social worker who can also help with practical support, you just need need to ask to speak to them.

Re: Terminal cancer and Me

Hi @Stephanie86 

 

Welcome to the SANE Forums! Smiley Happy I am so glad that you found us as we have an incredibly supportive community here that I hope you will come to experience.

 

What you are going through is awful - the anticipatory grief, sadness and anxiety around being told you will lose your husband to Cancer, plus the guilt you feel around acknowledging your own struggles and needs at a time when other's needs are competing with your own. This is honestly a lot! Smiley Sad

 

I am glad to hear you have some professional supports in place but I hear what you say around wanting social support to. The SANE Forums is a great space for such support in an online capacity; however, I hear that you are also after face-to-face friendships/support. Do you have any friends in your life that you could try to reach out to at the moment? If not, have you ever thought about joining a face-to-face Support Group? 

 

Hoping you get the support you need! Heart

 

Kindest,

Amour_Et_Psyché

Re: Terminal cancer and Me

Thank you. I do have a few friends who I can lean on but Its all in a computer screen. It just gets worse, I can't cope with the bullying, the talking about me behind my back, the constant disrespect and the abuse. I'm trying so hard but yet people just keep pushing me away.

Re: Terminal cancer and Me

Hearing you @Stephanie86 ..... it can be so tough, and carer's burnout is a real thing.  I can't tell you the relief I felt when I found the forums and realised there is a community here who u der stand by living the experience .... different circumstances abound, but so does the live and understanding.  Welcome to the forums.  

Re: Terminal cancer and Me

Thanks it's been one pitfall to another. 

Trying to remain strong but I'm completely burnt out. 

Re: Terminal cancer and Me

I will tag you from a thread called Hot Chocolate Anyone ? @Stephanie86 ...., it's a corner to crash in a little bit and just be with others at the end of a long day, or the start of one.  Self-care is critical for carers, but it can be really hard to k ow where, or how, to start.

Re: Terminal cancer and Me

I lost my mother about a month ago to cancer. I know I’m not in the exact position but i understand how lonely it is. To be surrounded by people and yet feel like one one cares. I’d love to have a chat and discuss how you’re feeling or perhaps just express your frustration because as upsetting as the situation is, I realised I felt a lot of anger at the lack of control I had or just the anger that everyone was ok and I wasn’t.

Re: Terminal cancer and Me

hello and welcome to the forum @Melbgal Heart

sending you tender hugs to let you know that you are not alone my friend 

hello and hugs @Stephanie86 Heart

@Faith-and-Hope, @Former-Member 

Re: Terminal cancer and Me

Hi and welcome to the forums @Melbgal ..... that was a lovely reply to @Stephanie86.  

 

How are you going @Stephanie86 ?  The message above is for you.

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