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Looking after ourselves

janedoe2
Senior Contributor

Unsure of the Holiday Period

I had some really rough end of year experiences that left pretty deep emotional scars. They have mostly healed over and I'm able to attend events after a decade of shutting down completely during this time every year.

I am now facing this time again and resisting the urge to shut down as I would like to participate without experiencing high anxiety.

Any suggestions on how to approach this end of year period?

6 REPLIES 6
Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Unsure of the Holiday Period

Hi @janedoe2, just do what's been working for you. They say exposure reduces anxiety, but small doses.
I have some loss triggers through summer and Festivities are the last thing I care to get caught up in (thus the EOR avatar). Don't want to ruin it for everyone else so tend to hide away. BUT, one thing that does help is to plan ahead to do ONE thing to make it nice. Usually a cool breakfast or lunch, invite someone and visit someone. I've started putting gifts aside and planned a roadtrip to be with my son. Having sad all that, if I can talk him into celebrity the week after Chrissy, that would work better. I just hate all the hype. the family too up themselves to include everyone, and the empty chairs. There's a huge part of me that just wants to say "I don't celebrate chrissy'
🕊💙🕊💙🕊💙🕊

Re: Unsure of the Holiday Period

Hi @janedoe2 the festive season can be a minefield. I struggle to negotiate it every year, and how it goes sometimes feels random, and external to whatever efforts I make. Nevertheless, it's worth giving it some thought and planning to maximise the chances of coming through in better shape. I just wanted to say @Former-Member - wise words. I felt like you were talking to me. Thank you. 

Re: Unsure of the Holiday Period

Hi @janedoe2 @frog @Former-Member 

Definitely a struggle here too and interested to hear how others manage.

Much easier these last few years since my marriage ended and the kids have grown up.

And I really feel for all of you out there who bigger burdens to bear around this time..

I try to keep it small and low key.

And prepare early.

These past few years there are only a couple of gatherings that I find too stressful and for those I paint on the smile and engage as little as possible. 

One thing I always try hard make it good for is the young ones. My two nephews for now and eventually grandchildren, I guess, if I'm lucky. If I can bring good memories for them to look back on then my job is done..

Tinsel 🧡

 

Re: Unsure of the Holiday Period

Hi @janedoe2 @frog @Former-Member 

Definitely a struggle here too and interested to hear how others manage.

Much easier these last few years since my marriage ended and the kids have grown up.

The 'trouble makers' don't live close by these days;

And I really feel for all of you out there who bigger burdens to bear around this time..

I try to keep it small and low key.

And prepare early.

These past few years there are only a couple of gatherings that I find too stressful and for those I paint on the smile, get in and out again and engage as little as possible. 

I don't host it's too stressful. Always bring a plate or two and I always head to the kitchen to clean up if I can. It keeps my mind from spinning and is kind of social but not too involved. Helps the guilt at bay for not keeping up with it all.

One thing I always try hard make it good for is the young ones. My two nephews for now and eventually grandchildren, I guess, if I'm lucky. If I can bring good memories for them to look back on then my job is done..

JaneDoe it's the anxiety that I find crippling too. x

 

Tinsel 🧡

 

Re: Unsure of the Holiday Period

Oops posted twice, sorry!

Re: Unsure of the Holiday Period

Survived xmas gathering unscathed! Was a relaxed and lovely time. Look forward to more of this from now on!!!
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