Lived Experience Forum

[Queenie]

I worry about stupid things and it is happening more and more lately.

I feel people have disengaged with me and don't want me around. Other patients in the hospital for instance, in the dining room I eat alone while every single other person has at least one person at their table. I am never invited to take part in activities. My so-called friends never invite me anywhere and don't call me (I have to call them). 

I reach out time and time again, only to be overlooked. Well, I'm tired of reaching out now. I can only hold up the olive branch of peace so long before my arm goes numb.

I worry when I die, nobody will come to my funeral except the minister and the funeral directors. I've seen funerals where this was true and felt so sad for the person being buried. I guess it is stupid to some but this is a real fear of mine (otherwise I wouldn't be crying now). I know I've never won a popularity contest in my life and life shouldn't be about friends, but it sure would be nice to have some along the way.

One sad and lonely Queen.

[Maggie]

Thankyou @3Jewels 

[BryanaCamp]

today is craptacluar I feel like a monster I am so inexhaustibly irritable and angry and unpleasant. I want to be a nicer person. i have to see my aunt next week and already it's plaguing my thoughts. She's a very wrathful Christian and believes in a wrathful God which translates to she is very wrathful towards me. I respect Christianity & dont' want to offend anyone reading so please don't be offended as I value warm & supportive & compassionate Christians but my aunt is not one of them. SHe's very wrathful and critical and negative and thinks life is only for suffering and druggery and criticism and wrath. She does not believe in joy or relaxation. She thinks I can "will" myself better if only I'd try to and has no idea what mental illness is or what the suffering that goes with it is like. All I want is to feel better and she does not get it and takes pleasure in lecturing me on the moral high ground - don't you think I'd stop being angry if I could stop being angry? grrrrrrrrrrr

[outlander]

feeling like the worst person in the world 😞

[Snowie]

I wish I had succeeded the other night. I cannot even do that properly. My world is falling apart in front of me and I am powerless to stop it and am too exhausted to even care anymore. I feel like a lost cause and it is only a matter of time before I reach the edge and jump again. 

[outlander]

Its only 8 in the morning and woke up feeling ok that is until i heard my pop and his friend dragging my name through  the mud  as to have crap im managing finances and upkeep of the house. Hes blaming me for things and his friends pretty much egging him on. 

My trying doesnt seem good enough but i dont know what else to do. 

Not  a good start to the morning. 

[nashy]

Hey @outlander, that's really heavy to hear that sort of stuff when your intentions are super positive. It isn't always easy being a carer I really hope you know his words do not hold weight, you're an incredible support. No one is perfect in this world. I hope you do something kind for yourself today. 

[outlander]

thanks @nashy
i think its going to be one of 'those' days as its my sisters having a go today too and its only 10am! maybe everyone will become in a better mood by this afternoon until then just bunker down the hatches and self care today