Lived Experience Forum

[LadyCaroline]

Really hate having DID clinicians give you that look and getting someone to decompress with is so hard.  They always focus on the fact of my diagnosis and are too scared to treat me.  Those that do take me on are often unreliable.  

It really gives me the sh.....  I want to do something so i wont have crack ups so my kids dont have to deal with it.  Not that i am saying poor poor pitiful me, certainly not.  I just wish there was not such as stigma.  

[greenpea]

How do I get this ball of anger out of my chest ..... just thinking about it makes me so angry. It triggers me ..... I am like the original little drummer boy whose parents die at the hand of bandits and he hates the world so person paints a smile on his face .....That is how I feel. How do I get over my anger ? My pdoc says through love and indeed in the story that is what happens to Aaron .... is it possible in real life I just dont know.

[outlander]

Its another one of those night where everything comes to mind. To many thoughts. To many emotions. The days and nights are becoming one. They both just drag out. Minutes feel like hrs. Sleep doesnt reprieve anything even if im lucky enough to actualy sleep.
Thursday was suppose to be a helpful meeting but even that just created more work i have to do.

Theres so many things that i miss it make my heart hurt. Being normal is one of them.

[greenpea]

so worried about son2. He was in the bathroom and came out and started saying that there were children talking stuff to him. There were no children outside. The day was quiet. He is resistant to medications.Life is not fair.

[outlander]

I dont really know what to do anymore. Even with the kids now im failing. Its overwhelming and upsetting and so many other things. There are ao many needs that dont seem to be getting met for everyone but theres only one of me too. I have no one to talk to offline and it gets lonlier by the day when i have a worry or i need help with the kids that the more i turn around the further away people seem to be.
I cant really talk to others though, dont want them thinking badly about mum or family situations. I know its not right to sit on my shoulders but its not helpful to be told that when i often know its not right.

I dont think ive handled things well the past few days. I dont really know how to feel honestly but tonight is hitting home esp about a few things in particular.

[Adge]

Hi everyone.

It’s been a very tough week.

The person (relative) who SA'd me as a child - phoned & left a long message at 2.00pm this afternoon (on machine) all about himself. He has refused to get the message to stop contacting me.

Any contact from this person gives me a shock, & sends me into a tail-spin.

Car making banging noises Wednesday morning (thought it was engine) scared me. Thought I would not get the car home.

I got mechanic out Thursday, had car serviced – found a large screw in tyre, then took tyre to be repaired (yesterday afternoon). Then missed my Thursday Yoga class.

A work colleague told me that she had a conversation behind my back (with another staff) – where they both appeared to blame me for their bad attitudes.

They simply don't like doing the work that we do, or don't like working with that client.

I am doing the majority of the interacting & work with that person, yet those staff not only don’t acknowledge my efforts. What was said was insulting.

Trying to pick myself up, & keep going....

Adge

[Sans911]

Why do I care about my own recovery when other professionals forget me, abandon me and act as if they don't care? How do I go forward when their actions and omissions send me reeling backwards? It's been three months since I last saw my pyschologist. First she forgets me, then she gets other people to call on her behalf & doesn't return my messages or give me a reason why she isn't available. She sees her other clients yet singles me out. I've been through major surgery, complications, return to surgery, dealing with body image issues, dealing with other issues and yet again I manage alone. I'm always managing alone. And I'm losing the will and the fight. I've stopped my medications because I don't see the point in getting better. So I'll stay in this miserable state or I'll take my other choices sometime because I just can't keep starting again with a new therapist. I'm done trying.

[outlander]

It is hard to be told that i dont have anh options and theres nothing that can be done besides being dosed up on pain relief consistently, heat packs and staying on the current diet style.
She is right in saying that i knew this was one of the risks and i will just have to accept it. She said to just go live life and stop talking about it.

[Molliex]

This week will be so incredibly difficult. I'm scared I'll let my family down. I'm scared my SH will be my coping mechanism. I have lots of tools to cope, but will I use them? I'm so so tired. 

[Adge]

This morning, as soon as I went outside -

My neighbour let her huge Rotweiler dog come onto my property to chase my cat (Jelly).

I had to run after the dog, whilst saying "No you will not chase my cat" - I was in no physical state to do that.

My neighbour just sat there (gardening), on front footpath (nature strip) - she never tried to stop her dog, even though I could see that was going to happen (before it happened).

She never apologised either - she said nothing.

My cat just escaped with her life, under the side gate.

This is totally unacceptable, yet I don't know who to lodge a complaint with.

I was in shock - I should not have to deal with that, first thing in the morning. In my own front yard.

Adge

[Adge]

This morning, as soon as I went outside -

My neighbour let her huge Rotweiler dog come onto my property to chase my cat (Jelly).

I had to run after the dog, whilst saying "No you will not chase my cat" - I was in no physical state to do that.

My neighbour just sat there (gardening), on front footpath (nature strip) - she never tried to stop her dog, even though I could see that was going to happen (before it happened).

She never apologised either - she said nothing.

My cat just escaped with her life, under the side gate.

This is totally unacceptable, yet I don't know who to lodge a complaint with.

I was in shock - I should not have to deal with that, first thing in the morning. In my own front yard.

Adge