20-06-2018 08:17 PM
20-06-2018 08:17 PM
Newton's third law is "The third law states that for every action (force) in nature there is an equal and opposite reaction."
I can see already you are rivetted by this? Well its true. If two identical cars (one evil, one good) were placed nose to nose with identical power and they both revved up, neither car would be able to push the other down the road. What about people?
In this modern world we are shown in movies that good always wins. A fighter like Rocky can defeat a monster like Apollo. This fairytale storyline is more a reflection of Hollywoods needs to sell tickets at the box office. In real life anyone that's been bullied in the school yard by a bigger, stronger kid will know it isnt real life that the weaker wins.
This weaker physique isnt restricted to braun. Mentally we mirror the same fate. The strong overpower the weak. My first wife was 54kgs and I over 130kgs. My mother 70kgs. Yet both women mentally overpowered me in different ways. Now with a loving wife that doesnt seek dominance through emotional means, happiness abounds.
Having said all that, how do we with softer minds confront bossy people? What I've found over many years of enduring this problem, is that we cant change our fragile personality into a tougher confrontational one. That's fake and not sustainable in the long term. What we can develop is a few things-
Finally but most importantly. remember Newtons third law. This law is true in person to person disputes. If we are submissive or sensitive or show signs of weakness then we are doomed every time. All the techniques I've learned over the years in supervision of difficult people in environments like jails and security, I cant mention all of them, however the best technique ever is to ask questions in order to extract from them WHY? Eg A relative comes to a family gathering and in front of many others during conversation says "I think you discipline your child too often" to which you can ask "So what makes your parent raising techniques more correct than mine".? Immediately you have returned the attention off you onto her/him and placed the emphasis on them to answer. Put to the abuser questions so as to make them accountable for their inappropraite comments! Then the action is met with equal reaction and dominance doesnt occur.
Once these techniques are more developed and you achieve some confidence people will know your limits from the boundaries you implement and through clever questions aimed at them they will know next time not to over step the line. Then there will be two possibilities- 1/ that they will decide to stay clear or 2/ they will conform and realise their error. Either way is good for you. Better than being a target leaving you to stew over hurt and embarrassment.
WK
27-05-2020 10:04 PM
27-05-2020 10:04 PM
I found your story insightful about how to deal with people that overpower or bully us.
Like you mentioned life is not a movie and sometimes it takes great bravery to instil boundaries that say to someone enough is enough or I won't let you go there.
My best defence is direct honesty. I state my case and I let that person know what I deem acceptable and unacceptable. I don't back down just because the other person wants to get the better of me.
Its important to be upfront so there is no miscommunication. However language is also important. It isn't just how I convey it, it's what I convey when asserting out boundaries.
I can still be polite and direct at the same time. It's not about been perceived as a target for someone, it's about how I can diffuse the situation by communicating effectively what my boundaries are.
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