Lived Experience Forum

[Troubled_One]

Hi everyone on the forums.

I have lived with many problems in my life, not many as I was young although they may have been present, since the breakup of my family around age 17 I started taking drugs, was on and off until I was 24 when I realised I needed to turn around and face my life before it was too late. My two best friends passed away in the next coming years from drugs and alcohol and I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital for around 4.5 years on and off which has brought me up until recently which I am now age 30.

Only in the last couple of months I have realised my depression and anxiety is serious.

My parents never talked when my brother and I was young as a family they just had a very dissfunctional relationship and never really had any real communication that I can remember.

Only until the last two months I realised that trust is a big part of a relationship and was something that was missing in my life and my parents life.

I asked my parents if they trusted me and they said they did.

Since then my problems have become more noticable and the depression and anxiety really hit. I started having panic attacks and what now seems to be a permanent thing where I can get panic attacks at any time and bad depression. Its like it is never really going away. I try and resolve issues with my parents but it never seems to do anything and I come back to the problems I just listed.

If anyone has similar stories please share and understand these stories.

[shanc]

I can relate ( well I think so) to the family communication problem. My mum thinks my MI issues are crap and that specialists make me worse. Dont even tell my dad a thing. So we just chat a bit about the day and have no feelings or sharing important things.

Before I say my first therapist I would just be waking down the street and would get a right chest and couldn't breathe. I would clench my fists in an attempt to stop it. If someone was walking too close to me I would have to change sides of the street.

I have never been to hospital so am no support in that front.

I'm sorry if I blabbered I'm about my crap but just wanted to give a few examples hoping that is the support you were after

[-karma-]

Welcome to the forums @Troubled_One 

you might like to follow this thread by @ButterflyGirl here;

http://saneforums.org/t5/Our-experience-stories/Panic-Attacks/m-p/10981/highlight/true#M949

something might ring true for you.

Also check out Sane's fact sheets on the topic

http://www.sane.org/information/factsheets-podcasts/158-anxiety-disorders

Are you seeing anyone to assist in the management of this overwhelming disorder? I believe CBT, and exposure therapy have had good outcomes for those managing anxiety and panic 

[Troubled_One]

Hi shanc

Yes my problems are similar, my parents never talked as a child and only now they have said they trust me, which means something but not to make up for 30 years of a dissfunctional family relationship.

I get tight chest and also in social environments get panic at any time, cant breath etc.

Thanks for your help.

[Troubled_One]

Hi Karma.

Thanks for the links they may be helpful.

Yes I see a psychologist and a psychiatrist who help me with this but only recently did I realise the severity of the problem. I have had years of hospitals and problems but it seems only recently that I get my parents to trust me that I found that the panic and anxiety really came clear. My behaviour problems have stopped but now it is more anxiety and depression which really hit me. I can not explain it really only that after my parents say they trust me that these probelms come clear.

[kristin]

Dear @Troubled_One 

A very warm welcome to the forums. To be honest I think very many of us can relate to the dysfunctional family issue, almost regardless of MI diagnosis - at least for those of us who have an MI as a result of childhood problems/trauma. I'd love to make a longer response but I am sorry I'm struggling with a lot of crap myself at present so I will just make an observation/pose a question. I hope it might shed some light on your situation, even if potentially somewhat painfully.

I am intrigued about you asking your parents whether they trust you. For me it begged the question. Can you trust them and, perhaps more importantly, could you trust them to "be there" emotionally for you when you were a child?

A journey to wellness with MI is possible, but sometimes it gets worse before we can start on the road to getting better. 

As my friend @Rick says, hope endures...

Take care and please keep posting. We will do our best to offer encouragement and support amidst our own "stuff".

Kindest regards, 

Kristin

[shanc]

@Troubled_One
I'm glad you are getting professional help. The support you receive on here will help as it is written from real people with the joys of mental illness. Hopefully things will start to look up for you and for all of us.

[Troubled_One]

Hi Kristen. Thanks for your contribution.

I can only speak for myself and my life and what has happened. I struggle with M.I. but I feel I am fairly smart when it comes to remembering how I was treated as a child. My parents never communicated and we have spoke about this but nothing can be done now.

Could I trust them as a child or could they trust me? Well I only know as a child I never knew what any of this was just to listen to parents and before I know it my life comes to this point.

Thanks for your post.

[Troubled_One]

Yes I try my hardest and all we can do is try.

[peace]

Hi @Troubled_One I know about the trouble created by a dysfunctional up bringing. I know that even as a baby not being given the love and care that is needed that trust and self-esteem issues arise. And this can be quite unbeknown and unintentional on the parents side. A lack of communication equates to lack of connection. Very sad really and has its effects as you know and experience and when younger tried to hide from I guess thru drug abuse.
I don't know how one turns this around. I have done years of therapy and it has helped yet because i also have PTSD and maybe mood disorder along with the depression and anxiety and social anxiety, I am still having problems. Medication has some degree of help, yet the disableing fear is a real pain and total inconvenience as it immortalize's me for a few days at a time. It hits me all to often.
Troubled One I wish you well. Glad to hear that you see both a psychiatrist and psychologists. I tried it on my for too long thinking it was all in my head (as i was frequently told this) and that I just needed to try harder and various other silly self put downs.
Blessings of Peace to you