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Queenie
Community Elder

Life Stress

How does everyone seemingly cope with life stress? I don't seem to be able to very well at all. I can't work because I cannot tolerate stress mentally and physically. I cannot tolerate close interpersonal relationships very well because I can become easily stressed and/or take negative comments personally. I can barely handle my affairs due to the stress involved in just daily living... making sure I take medications, eat, shower, dress, schedule and go to appointments. I feel so stupid sometimes and even that stresses me out (I try to look as intelligent as possible and despite having a high IQ, I feel stupid when I am studying because I cannot manage stress). 

Some examples of this are as follows. Next week I have an appointment with a recovery based organisation to hopefully get more support for myself in the community. I submitted the referral in February and despite being told it is only a 2-month wait, I've only now been called up 5 months later. I get stressed because this means I will need to apply for support via the NDIS, which is incredibly stressful. My Mrs is hoping to get some help with it by way of her carer's counsellor for the paperwork and assessments. I am also stressing because one of the known outcomes of this organisation is pushing people into work (volunteer or paid employment). I want to study, so I am not sure that I will fulfil their criteria to obtain any sort of support. 

Added to that I am stressed I have nobody to discuss my mental health with in a professional manner. I barely see my psychiatrist anymore (he is soon to retire and is phasing me out of his books), my GP doesn't feel qualified because she knows nothing about psychosis and I've used up my 6 sessions this year with the psychologist and am not able to get any more until 2018. I feel like I've just been professionally dumped by those who promised me I would be supported in my relatively new surroundings in the city. There is a peer-led organisation I went to a couple of times, but I found them extremely cliquey and weren't all that welcoming to newcomers. 

I am also stressed that I am living healthy, getting plenty of good exercise, but I am not losing any weight due to the side effects of medications. 

All this life stress leads to depression in me. I feel like I can't discuss how I feel with anyone anymore. I am taking a big risk posting it on here when my Mrs can read it. She says I shouldn't post on here and rather discuss things with her. But I feel like she doesn't understand. Severe stress makes me very unwell and means I miss out on things in life. This, in turn, means I think I am a failure which causes more stress. It's a vicious circle of never ending madness isn't it?

Anyway thanks for reading my ramble. If you made it this far, you deserve a medal because I cannot seem to put thoughts together properly today.

24 REPLIES 24

Re: Life Stress

Hi @Queenie. It's really hard when life-stress is so overwhelming. I'm new to these forums, but I do feel like there are people here who understand. At the beginning of your post you asked how everyone copes. In dark moments I feel like I'm the only one floundering even though I know there are degrees of coping. Sometimes it's like life is a full time job, and anything beyond existing is too much. Yesterday my head was so full of judgmental chatter about my own failings. I am working on self-compassion, so I tried to let the judgments go. My psychologist says, think about how you would talk to someone else in a difficult situation. When I'm overwhelmed by stress I try to suspend judgement so that I don't end up stressed about being stressed. It's not easy. Take care.

Re: Life Stress

Hi @Queenie, I read some posts about your Mrs having joined to read your posts. Really feeling for you. I would find that an incredible invasion of privacy. What a shame your Mrs doesn't have enough trust in you to see that you need some private personal space in the relationship (everyone needs that or relationships tend to go bad). As it happens, she didn't need to join to read the posts anyway. They are publicly available. However, usually, as you know, we post in the anonymity of an invented username that no-one is meant to know but us. I can't convey how awful and betraying I would find it if my companion did this with me. I hope you are able to have a good talk to sort this out, and that you are able to convey your needs on this matter and be well heard. Kindest wishes, Maz

Re: Life Stress

Thank you @frog and @Mazarita for replying. 

Maz, I think you have hit the nail on the head. It all comes down to trust, doesn't it? If she doesn't trust me (and she mustn't) then it is inevitably going to open up in a large rift in our relationship. I've spoken to her about reading my posts and the need to feel she has to against allowing me my privacy. Her response was I never tell her how I feel, so this is the only way, being my carer, she is kept in the loop. That's not true at all. I fear to tell her because I am unsure how she will react. She acts so negatively sometimes towards the need for respite and/or hospital admissions. However, her presence on the forum is unnerving. She actually came to me and said, "Oh you're Queenie!". 

All this life stress feels like a volcano that's about to blow.

Re: Life Stress

Hi @Queenie,

At the very least, I find it unfair that your partner knows who you are but you don't know who she is on the forum. If that inequity was remedied, at least you'd have a chance to be on the forum with equal footing as human beings. Because, regardless of someone being your carer, this does not make you less than them, or have less rights than them. Honestly, it seems like a really unfortunate power dynamic going on.

If Mrs revealed to you who she is on the forum, the two of you might even then be able to use the forum as a way to communicate issues to each other that you find unable to express in real life, for whatever reason. It's a bit of a wild idea to approach things in this way. But, given this awful situation has arisen, it just occurred to me that something good might come out of what seems at the moment to be only damaging to the relationship, and especially to you.

Having read many of your posts over time, I can honestly say I've always found that you express yourself with love and gratitude towards your Mrs. I hope she can put aside her own insecurities (perhaps related to her own mental health issues), and give you the trust and respect you so clearly deserve. Wishing you both the smoothest possible recovery together. 

Re: Life Stress

@Mazarita, she did give me a name but I cannot find them on the forum which means either 1) she hasn't posted or 2) she has given me a fake name. It's really playing on my paranoia.

I keep on having what I think are panic attacks, where I get built up nervous energy and really restless then all of a sudden I burst into tears for no reason. It's kinda weird to explain really. The last attack happened half an hour ago.

Re: Life Stress

@Queenie, I'm trying to imagine why you might not be able to find her username on the forum. I'm guessing you might be trying to search on that username. I think it will only show up in searches if she has actually posted somewhere on the forum.

To me the best thing would seem to be to talk with her directly about all this and keep talking about it.

But if for some reason you are unable to do that and the issue seems completely non-negotiable, maybe an adjustment is needed in your mind to how you are on the forum. I suppose I'm thinking, if it was me, I might try to just go ahead and post and be as relaxed about it as possible. And maybe just not talk much about her at all. As I've said before, anything I've ever read about her here in the past has always been loving and respectful anyway. But maybe it's just a slight change in the nature of your engagement in the forums that needs to happen now? Another idea from left-field that might help with anxiety, I hope.

 

Re: Life Stress

@Queenie

 

Thank you for sharing your story. The things you do which is getting out of bed, eating, showering, taking medications is a huge achievement. You should be proud when you do those things because you are becoming active in your life. You are doing things. It maybe a struggle and it might be a challenge yet that is part of recovery. When I first came out of hospital, going to the bank was overwhelming and stressful. It took time to go through my recovery (and I am still in recovery everyday) yet these days I can go to the bank. Recovery requires patience and it is a very long journey with good and bad days.

I like to look at things like eating, showering and sleeping an achievement. I keep tabs on how I am travelling so I can see where things are at.

Take baby steps with things to try and not overwhelm yourself.

With regards to study, I knew for myself that it would be stressful so I studied part time. I believe that there maybe an opportunity to do 2-3 subjects per semester, but check with who you are studying with. I studied 2 years part time, and then did the final year full time, but the final year was only 2 contact days so it was really part time. Guess what, even though I don't work in the industry I studied for, I did get an award. I got dux of the course. That achievement helped prove to me that I wasn't stupid. You don't have to win an award to prove your intelligence, finishing the course is an achievement in itself. The course teaches you knowledge that you won't have had before.

In regards to the ndis, I would suggest that either yourself or your Mrs attends information sessions

go to this link to find one in your state:

https://www.ndis.gov.au/news/events/all

The ndis is curly and I have to say even I get confused with what is required. It has been challenging for all, including the service providers.

In regards to side affects to medications, chat with your doctor or mental health professional about your concerns. There is the possibility of trialling other medications. Also what I found was it wasn't that I wasn't eating healthy, it was the portion size. I found that I ate more healthy food which was a contributor in weight. When I was allowed to decrease my medication, it also had a mental effect. I didn't think or feel as hungry. It took some time to find the right portion size and I have lost some weight.

In regards to your Mrs reading your posts I understand you want privacy and that is part of why people go on these forums. I understand why you feel betrayed. Since this event has happened and part of recovery is to have good relationships perhaps you can sit down and talk about what is really bothering her. Why does she feel the need to read your posts. To give you an example, my mum and I sometimes have a few heated discussions because to me I believe she over worries about me. However my mum has explained to me her point of view about why it might appear that way. She is worried and concerned that I will become unwell. She needs and has to ask the hard questions because if she doesn't it maybe too late and something might happen. I understand her point of view, even though at the time it was a little difficult. Your Mrs maybe reading your posts to ensure you stay safe and well. It maybe that she is trying to get insight whether or not you are unwell and need to go to hospital. I'm not saying that she shouldn't have given you your right to privacy, that is about trust. Unfortunately when we become unwell we don't communicate it. It generally comes in the form of other behaviour like aggression, arguments, isolation, etc. Have a chat with her, she maybe afraid or fearful that you are becoming unwell. "Carers" also can become unwell because they also burn themselves out. Maybe she needs some reassurance from you that you are ok today. Maybe an idea is to set up a plan. Outline what you need for recovery, including privacy for your posts. Also create an early Prevention plan. For example, green light is a good day, yellow light is a bad day and red light is emergency. I did one with my case manager. By highlighting and writing down the behaviours for each, it gives a guide on how you behave and also what preventions you need to put in place for each light or what you need to do if you start to become unwell. Hopefully you can rebuild your trust with her.

There is lots of things that you have achieved. Listening to music, having conversations, eating, showering, medications are all big achievements. Keep recovering.

Re: Life Stress

Re: Life Stress

Yesterday I had a major thing happen to contribute to yet more life stress. My Mrs and I were involved in a car accident. We are battered and bruised, but ok. The car, however, is a write-off. The other driver didn't have insurance and although we do have insurance, we just want our little car back because it has sentimental value. We have to walk everywhere and do public transport for the time being. That kinda sucks as I have to travel to my old town to see my psychiatrist. It will now be a very long trip.

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