Lived Experience Forum

[Owlunar]

Hi @Maggie @Appleblossom @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Zoe7 @BlueBay 

Whew - the last few days have been tough - not really bad - but I felt really drained

Tomorrow is Dad's anniversary - Mum's was last week - I saw the Pain Specialist today - and I have had hayfever - but I am okay

I have been feeling flat and tired for days but okay tonight - I can accept what's happened in the past - and seeing the pain specialist today was really encouraging - he gave me some local anaesthetic injections into my knee and they have worked really well - let's hope it last - and we have a programme of more injections to work out for my shoulder and my spine and this feels really great - 

So apart from feeling really tired tonight and feeling like reading for a while I am feeling better than I have for days - the few convos I read look really interesting and I hope to get to them soon - right now - it's been a pretty wearing time - one thing about my parents' anniversaries being so close means it's all over in a few days

About being Australian Apple - I am first generation on my father's side and grew up with a variety of different British linguistic twists - and my mother's mother being of Irish descent with an NZ accent - wow - I had no idea why my teachers kept commenting on the way I pronounced some words - I didn't understand that until I went to university and did Linguistics 101 - I learned a lot that year

But we Aussies are from all over - it's a melting pot - I don't mind actually - I guess having some Anglo-Celtic influences I fit into the early life quite well - except that I had such a weird accent myself - apparently

And to mini-swale your garden - it has to be bigger than my garden - of course - I live in the sand-belt on this side of the bay - ants and all - the water disappears as soon as the rain stops and I water my front garden with two bottles of water - 

I had better do that - this is just checking in - I need to recover from the last few days tonight

Dec

[Maggie]

@Owlunar  Tomorrow will be tough, and I really am sorry. Grief is a difficult emotion, complicated, and can come out of the blue. I’m sending some love your way, hoping there will be something special. A light in the darkness.

Your pain specialist appointment is finally here, and, by the sound of things, it was successful . I do hope it eases the pain long term. Pain is wearing mentally and physically.

I hope tonight you manage a good nights sleep, something that will help with tomorrow. Take care @Owlunar 

[BPDSurvivor]

Sounds great Dec. thanks for sharing.

[BlueBay]

Hi @Owlunar 

sounds like a positive outcome with the pain specialist 

anniversaries of loved ones are always difficult.  I feel for you 

thinking of you lots @Owlunar  take care xxxooo

[Zoe7]

Great news about the pain specialist @Owlunar and it seems you are doing really well getting through both the anniversaries of you Mum's last week and your Dad's today. Much love and hugs to you Dec 

[Owlunar]

Hi @Zoe7 @BlueBay @BPDSurvivor @Maggie @Former-Member 

The smoke is really bad in Melbourne - it didn't help going out on Monday - yesterday I had a really bad cough - I got some cough medicine from the pharmacy - I didn't want to go out and I smeared Vicks onto a hanky and went up breathing through that - and it was hard work just getting to the shops but the medicine helped better than any home cures or the asthma spray - all of which helped to a degree - it must be seriously hard for many people

The local anaesthetic injections into my knee are still working - this feels so good there are hardly any words apart from excellent and glorious to have that pain eased - I will be having more into my back and shoulder - though I think the ones into my spine will be done in hospital - seeing this new specialist is really encouraging - my back pain was aggravated by the the specialist at the public clinic - for  about a year I was really miserable about that and had to draw deeply on my inner strength - it's always there and is reliable but I was pretty unhappy sometimes

So this was good for the best part

I wasn't well yesterday but I did honour my father - I loved him so much - I thought I would miss him when he died but he is so deeply ingrained in my DNA - I am the child that resembled him the most and he was proud of me and before he died he told me - I think it has been easier because of the great conversation we had before he died and everyone should have such a chat with loved ones - I am really glad I did.

So I kept to myself and that was okay - apart from the rotten coughing until I braved going out in the smoke for help

So I am seeing my psychologist today - I will be leaving soon - 4 therapists in 5 years - let me explain - the first 2 moved interstate - the 3rd one wasn't a good fit for me but this one is excellent - it was worth waiting longer for an appointment to see this lady - I am looking forward to seeing her today

I have been okay but it strikes me that it is very rough that EVERYONE seems to have time off at this time of year. Of course people need time off - my GP is away until the end of the month - my pain specialist and my psychologist were away until this week - my domestic helpers and drivers were off until last week - which must be incredibly hard for people battling - Christmas can be such a hard time of year - for me - several anniversaries made some days uncomfortable but I remember the past when I was in a really bad place - that was really bad

So I care about everyone here (or anyone anywhere)  who is coping while the rest of the world takes leave - yes - I get it and I know that is really hard

Dec

[Zoe7]

It is a difficult time of year for so many @Owlunar - even when there are not anniversaries to deal with. Like you - it is the time of year when so many people need that support the most but that is also when our supports also take a break. There are no answers to that as everyone deserves that break - but that does not make it easier on those needing the support.

I am so glad the injections are helping with your pain. I remember that other pain specialist and how much added stress (and pain) you went through so really happy you have found someone that both listens and can help.

It is also great you have found a psych that you are not only comfortable with but seem to click with also - that makes the world of difference 

We are covered by the smoke coming from the mainland so I can only imagine how thick and unbearable it is for everyone in Vic and NSW. We can barely see the mountain and as you know it stands out in Hobart so it is quite thick - stay inside as much as you can Dec - and I hope it begins to clear soon.

Your father sounds like a lovely man and your relationship with him close. I understand that conversation before someone passes away - I had that with my Nan. Although we were always close, knowing she was terminal gave me time to spend with her and talk with her before she died. I could tell her how much I loved her and she me also. She wrote me a beautiful letter before she died - parts of it were nearly illegible because she could no longer write properly - but it meant the world to me. I used to read it often but now not so much - I have so many wonderful memories of her and prefer to 'see' her as she was before the cancer struck. She was the most importnt person in my life and like you and your Dad - I was very much like her and that is something I will always have 

[Maggie]

@Owlunar  It looks like some things this year are off to a good start for you. 👍👍👍

I did see some pics of the smoke haze covered Melbourne. It looks awful. I can only imagine how hard it is for you breathing, and so many others. I’m pleased you got some release.

Rain is forecast, so hopefully bushfires will be extinguished. What a relief that would bring to so many.

You have made it through your anniversary time of year again. Well done. 💜💜

I hope there is something good in today for you @Owlunar  Take care.

[Owlunar]

Hi @Maggie @Zoe7 @BPDSurvivor @BlueBay @Gazza75 

It does feel to me as if my life has taken a turn for the better - good things do happen and it rained heavily yesterday - I decided to go and get a script filled and started talking to an interesting lady at the shops - we had to shelter there from the deluge and so we kept chatting - we are going to hook-up for coffee in a couple of days - so all of this when I normally would have been somewhere else - fantastic

So my good thing happened yesterday Maggie - good thoughts do work

And yes Zoe - I re-read what I had written about people taking time off and yes - everyone does and I am supportive of that - the problem is though that people do it all at the same time when so many people are really struggling - I don't fit into that category - I always know the shadows will pass - but there are people and I have read so much of it here - it must feel like a barren zone - and this year we have had fires that have affected so many people

It's encourgaging that the Government is setting up Mental Health Assistance - I forget how much but I also thought that considering the size of the disaster in so many states it's not enough. Is it for deserving people in the front line fighting the fire or those who have lost everything - 

Mental Health is chronically under-funded - why? Is it because those with Emotional Discomfort look able-bodied - as if they could just get up tomorrow and be okay?

I have an itchy place somewhere in my brain that doesn't really affect me because I am okay - there were years though when I was not. I had to be a boat-rocker - I had to find a voice and use it. I let my unhappiness with my life and it's issues and my displeasure at the system and how it let my son down be known. It wasn't easy and then there was always Christmas - aw - I believe in the reason for the season but everything closed down and I felt lost

I don't feel like that now but reading the forum across this year when I am okay though I have had a rougher time with pain issues this year has made me more aware of the plight of many people. The under-funding of the public system is truly terrible - likewise with aged-care - it's a lonely world out there for many

I have no answer for all of this - unless we can find it within ourselves. We need education to enable that - I would do that if I could - teaching is one thing I have done in my vast and interesting career through life.

All I can do is write and I intend to pick that up again - I will try the U3A again this year and try creative writing but also write my own stuff - 

This website has opened so much to me - many things I was so unaware of - I can thank many people here for that - it's a good thing to do - to make other people aware of the plight of those with MI

Dec

[Zoe7]

I agree there is a massive hole in the system around this time of year @Owlunar Unfortunately it is often when support is needed the most. I certainly do not have an answer to that as those that provide that support are deserving of the same break across Christmas and the New Year. The only solution would be to have locums in their place over that time but many would not feel comfortable seeing someone they did not know ...a difficult one.