Lived Experience Forum

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member You are one of tha most amazing, wonderful and resilient people that I have every had the fortune to get to know. Despite what you constantly deal with you give and give and give both here and IRL. You are a rock for your hubby and for your brother and more often than not that care and consideration is not returned to you but you keep going and keep giving. I have nothing but respect and compassion for you Hon. You do not deserve to be dealing with all that you deal with but you continue to put one foot in front of the other, organise everyone else before yourself and put their needs in front of yours. I truly hope that you can find a little peace in your own heart and that others around you begin to give you as much as you give them - you deserve nothing less. You hold a special place in my heart and I have grown to be very fond of you and the connection we have here. Some people enter our lives to make it a better place and you are one of those people. I totally respect, admire and care for you @Former-Member and wish with all my heart that you can find some peace within yourself. 

[Former-Member]

Hi everyone ... not tagging ... just thinking quietly for now.  Zoe, I apologise for allowing your beautiful post to me last week go without comment.  To be honest I had no reply ... your words do not reflect what I see of myself.  Its as though they are about another person, not me.  But I read them and think of the person they may be directed towards ... I like that person, or like the impression of the person you directed those lovely words towards.  

To be honest, I have been reluctant to return here.  I feel a little hunted lately, and dont feel safe putting everything out there in one place.  Its hard, because I need to talk about things, but cannot bring myself to do so.  I had hoped things would slowly improve, but instead .. they are going backwards. I've beeen physically and verbally threatened in the past few days, and I fear it will only get worse.

I have an appointment with my psych again tomorrow.  I dont know how much I should tell her, how open I can safely be with her.  Normally I am very open and honest ... now I'm afraid to be.  I cry myself to sleep every night because I dont know what to do ... or what I can do.  If anything.

Zoe I wish I were more like the person you described in your post above.  But I'm not.  I'm faltering and I need to escape for a time.  But I cannot see a way to do so.  My sisters visit was just as bad as I had anticipated, and in fact contributed to inflaming the home situation even further. She is toxic and if she wasnt my sister, I would have nothing to do with her.  My brother provided a short respite when he visited a little over a week ago, it was so nice to see him and talk in person. But since then its been all downhill again.

I'm feeling so torn, so lost.

Sherry 

[Zoe7]

That is why we are here with you and for you @Former-Member - to convey exactly what we see of you and to hopefully hold you up a little as you navigate your way through this. I do really have concerns for your welfare at home right now Hon. It is no place to be in where you are being verbally and physically threatened snd I do fear that not only will that get worse but that the threats will be followed through. I know you have said that you do have somewhere to go if this continued - is it maybe time to seek that solace elsewhere - even if it just gives you a few days of respite? Your safety is most important here Hon. I also think talking to your psych is a good idea - you need that outlet to be able to voice your concerns and your psych is a good place for that. I know she is very supportive and you really need that support right now. Please do what is right for you and if that is getting out then that is what you need to do. I am very concerned for you Sherry 

[Former-Member]

Zoe, I didnt expect anyone to reply .. I didnt tag anyone. Even though I was talking to you, and others here who have supported me, I didnt want to bother you now. You have more than enough to deal with. So ... Im sorry.

I'm sure I will be okay. Although the situation seems constantly volatile, I'm placing my faith that a sense of reason will prevail before things get too out of control. I close my eyes, hold my breath, and wait .. hoping nothing happens. So far so good.

I do need to get away though ... I really do. My Mum is really unwell and I need to visit. She has this week been diagnosed with another serious illness ... lung fibrosis .. and still refusing any home help.

I have spoken to hubby about going down there for 5 or 6 days. When I do so, its me being selfish, leaving him when he needs me. He tells me he should be my priority. Why cant he see that he has been exactly that for the past 2 years? 

But I have to get away .. I have to or Im going to crack. I have a small window of opportunity in just under a fortnight, where there are currently no medical apts for hubby.  I could escape for 6 days. Im going to be in trouble but Im going to aim for that, all going to plan. But hubby is a sick man, and I realise I may need to change plans  at short notice. 

Sherry

[Zoe7]

Please don't be sorry at all @Former-Member You are so important to me here and I truly care about your safety right now - both physically and emotionally.  Notifications are again down but I have been checking latest posts for you and a few others here. As you know I am sticking closely to just one thread but could not let you sit on this by yourself. You have been such a great support for me lately and despite how I am feeling currently I could not sit back and let you go through this alone. 

I think it is great that you can get away for a few days. It is not great that your mum has been diagnosed with another illness but I do think you need to visit her for both her and yourself. You cannot continue to put yourself in the situation you are in with hubby nd look after yourself as well - it is imperative that you put your needs ahead of anyone else's when you are in such a precarious position right now. Maybe it will give your hubby some second thoughts on how he is treating you as well - I hope so. You also need to be safe - and if getting away for a few days will achieve that then you have to go. I know so well what it is like to be in that position but I didn't get out - and to my detriment. Your safety is priority here Hon and unfortunately your hubby comes second here - you are who matters sweet Sherry 

[BlueBay]

@Former-Member  I’m sorry you’re in a really hard spot at the moment. And I’m sorry if I haven’t supported you enough when you have helped me a lot. 

You do need time away. Just for you. Otherwise you will break. And I don’t want that to happen to you. You have so much on your plate - you deserve that break. 

Pls consider seeing your mum snd have the break. 

Also if you can open up and talk to your psych pls do. 

Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️❤️❤️

[Shaz51]

ohhh @Former-Member 

you are going through so much my friend

can you get respite care or someone to come while you see your mum

Mr shaz feels like that too , that I should be just for him , but I have my mum too

myself my darling friend , I reaaly think you need a break xoxo

[outlander]

@Former-Member ❤❤❤

[Former-Member]

Just wanted to say thanks to you all @Zoe7 @outlander @Shaz51 @BlueBay 

I have things a little clearer in my own mind now.

Sherry 💕✨

[outlander]

@Former-Member  👍💖💕💜❤