Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

I am feeling very anxious, actually sick in the stomach because of an appt I have with a new psych tomorrow morning.

I have been with another psych for 2 years and still under the care of a therapist.  I was starting to feel that my old psych didn't listen to me or validate me and I thought it was time for a change.

But I am scared and anxious - I have to go over the 'same story' again, retelling my story of being abused as a child, the details of the abuse, who, how, when etc etc.  I have to tell him about my parents disowning me, how I feel about it all; my depression, anxiety, BPD, my hospital admissions, my mother in law with dementia living with us for 20 years etc etc etc.

I don't know if I will be able to cope.  I know there will be tears and I am so anxious about seeing this guy.

The appt is for an hour and he will do an assessment.  After the past week and the emotional stuff i am going through I feel that i will break down in his rooms.

What do I do? I know he has to know all my story but I get so upset and dissociate when talking about my abuse.

Dissociation is hard to explain - it's like I am there but not there.  I am in my own little world and not understanding what people say to me when I am like that.  It is scary.

[Baboo]

Hello sadgirl,

It is a difficult time i think for nearly every one who changes doctors, therapists- i dont like even changing dentists!

Ive made a folder of my own for legal stuff- with as many documents and little notes as i can in it. i do every thing in point form ( its easier for me to write that way). Or sometimes when i draw a blank ill jot things down on a post note when i do think of it later. You could do this if you wanted to about your mental health. Then if im feeling uneasy meeting some one new- i read to them rather than making full eye contact and speaking properly with them until im comfortable.

I think its a clever move to keep a diary or folder of all your own health documents. I do the same with centrelink. Then when i get told they havent received a document  i have another one already with me for them to copy.

Have hope, maybe this new doctor will be the best thing ever? If not, there is always plenty of fish in the sea...or doctors- so to speak. 🙂

Baboo

[BlueBay]

Hi @Baboo

That is a good idea - writing things down.  I am going to write the dates, years and what happened at those times.

I will write what meds I've tried, who I am seeing currently, hospital admissions.

That way, if I don't feel comfortable in talking to him eye to eye I can get my notebook out and read it to him.  

Thanks for your suggestion

[Drac0]

Writing things down is something I wish I had thought of years ago. It can certainly help get things across that you may not feel you can say out loud. Either read it yourself, treating it like reading something someone else wrote or hand it to them. Has helped me a lot over the last few years.

Hoping things go well for you tomorrow @BlueBay. It's unlikely to be easy, but it's another step along the way.

[BlueBay]

Thank you @Drac0.

I will let you know how it goes.  I do know what this new psych looks like and have also heard from other patients (when I was in hospital) that he is very good.  There is a 6 month waiting list to see him but because my old psych works in the same rooms I have been able to see him earlier. 

I'm guessing now that my old psych will now know that I am seeing someone new.  Oh well, I need a different opinion on my treatment and my meds.

[Drac0]

Hope it goes well @BlueBay, glad you got in so quick. The change could be everything or nothing, but until you try you will never know.

Take care.

[Drac0]

Hope you've woken up feeling a bit better about this morning @BlueBay. Got everything crossed hoping it goes well for you.

[BlueBay]

Thank you @Drac0
I've had a horrible night kept waking up. Too much on my mind. I kept replaying in my mind what I want to tell him.
But I'm also hoping this new psych will be good for me.
I'll let you know later today how it went
Thanks for the hugs!! 😊

[BlueBay]

So I saw my new psych this morning.  I was very very anxious and I told him once I sat down.  At least he knew how i was feeling, but I guess he may have seen it and worked it out!!!

After an hour of talking about my childhood, my primary and secondary school, my parents, siblings and how I am at the moment - he said that was only half of the assessment.  We ran out of time.

So i am back in two weeks time to continue assessment.  But he made a comment that has made me angry, confused and i don't really know what to think - he told me he seems to think that I don't have BPD. He said I am not showing all the symptoms.  What does he want me to do - self harm more, have more suicidal thoughts, etc etc.  I still think I have BPD (at least 5-8 criteria out of the 9).  So from what I;ve read I do have BPD traits.

He said I have trauma issues, depression and anxiety.  But we'll see what he says at next appt.

Now I am confused by this, angry at the psych that did tell me that at the first instance and me for not showing him more of the symptoms.  I don't know what he was expecting.

But overall he was a nice guy, interested in what i had to say, sympathetic and totally shocked at my parents behaviour and my abuse.

[Drac0]

Hello @BlueBay

While there does appear to be some positives out of the day it's sad to see you stressing over the possibility of a new diagnosis. Just remember that anyone can only make calls on the information they have, you even suggest that he doesn't have it all by being angry with yourself for not showing more.

Don't be angry with the possibility of a new diagnosis or feeling you didn't do enough. It's only the 1st half of your assessment & things may change as he gets to know more about your situation. If you believe he's wrong try to think of why. And then consider why you're so sure you have BPD. Do you suffer from bipolar? I have no idea because like the psych I don't have all the information and a correct diagnosis can't be made without it.

Just don't do what I did. I KNEW I was bipolar after an initial diagnosis of major depression. I ticked all the boxes & then some. But because the depression was such a major part of it for me I just never got it across to those treating me so went through 11 years of hell before it finally came out.

I know it's not easy, but you have 2 weeks to try & get your head around this so next meeting you can hopefully come away with the start of what you need. Try & find some time now & then to sit down & really consider why you might be right about yourself. Try to be as specific as you can. The depression side of bipolar is generally the easy part to see, it's hard to make people see & understand the other side of it.

If you feel that you have a number of the traits for BPD maybe think about them. Why do you think you have them? What were you thoughs, emotions & actions when you were in situations that indicate BPD to you? What happens & what do you do when you feel your having a manic episode? This isn't just about figuring out what the psych needs to hear, it also involve perhaps coming to terms with things in your own past, learning about yourself too.

Sorry for the long post. Maybe it helps or maybe it doesn't.

In any case, take care & stay safe.