Lived Experience Forum

[Owlunar]

Hi @Maggie 

I am so relieved that we don't have to forgive everything - I had never thought of that - it's true - some things are unforgivable. whew..........

My interpretation of my religion doesn't include my family of origin sitting around the great dinner table in the sky - I had not thought of that either but in my family the dinner table was the time and place when and where we aired our grievances. 

I never thought I had a choice about forgiveness either but like you I don't want to be a bitter person - I don't think you and I try hard not to be either - I saw what Gran's bitterness did to her and my mother

Maybe we were shattered and now we have to put things together the best way we can - I felt as if a huge weight has been lifed of my shoulders too

Thanks Maggie - there's a lot to be said for sharing interpretations

Dec

[SkyView7]

Hi @Owlunar, @Maggie, @Former-Member, @Shaz51, @BlueBay. I've been in hospital for a few days which is why you haven't seen me contributing to this thread. I'm in recovery now so I can now pursue more interesting things.

I like people-pleasing. I like the rewards of affection and membership you get with people-pleasing, but I'm also strongly independent so it doesn't bother me if I can't please everyone all the time.

The problem I have with my 'voices' is the one of determining their origin. On the one hand they could be contained entirely within myself, where they have a purely chemical nature, in which case I've been in conflict with myself all these years. This seems to be what everyone would prefer to believe because they can then call it a mental illness.

But on the other hand I suspect that I'm naturally telepathic in which case I'm the victim of an elaborate deception where my mother has always been a willing participant in our conflict.

I prefer to believe that I'm naturally telepathic because the alternative disempowers me by forcing me to doubt the validity of my experiences. It also empowers traditional roles such as parental ones where my mother could feel she could abuse me to her heart's content because she could believe that no-one would ever know about it.

I acknowledge that she could have been angry with me for avoiding contact with the family and that her anger had to be externalised somehow, but some acknowledgement of my reception of her feelings would have meant a lot to me.

Glad to see this thread going in some interesting directions.

[Owlunar]

Hi @SkyView7 

Welcome home - I am sorry you have been in hospital for whatever reason and glad you are recovering - I did notice you weren't around and I am glad to see you again

Hi again SkyviewPeople pleasing is an interesting subject - I am pleased with the directions the thread is moving too and I thought about things more - including people-pleasing because it is necessary to fit in with other people to be accepted but also we can be ourselves too

I enjoyed being in a choir for many years - I sang what someone else chose and stood where I was required to stand and really enjoyed the interaction but I would not wear the silly ruff around my neck like a tucker inside my cassock - it irritated me and I remember for the duration of my time in that choir I was told to wear it but never did - the men didn't - only the women and children - 

We can pick our battles I guess

I can't comment on the origin of your voices - it's possible for them to come from within or be your mother doing this because she didn't think anyone would ever know - but hey - people sometimes do

My grandfather grew 5 to 6 inches from the time he joined the army in 1915 until my grandmother lost the plot - I guess she thought that no one would ever know either - she never heard about the internet - there are tall men in my family but they come from my father's side - I have been giggling privately to myself about that ever since I found out

But from what you are writing it seems your mother abused you and if you are still hearing this after she died I guess it went very deep - telepathy or not - and that is sad to hear. You seem to be at peace with things but I guess you still struggle

But what you write about people-pleasing is true - we do find a place by doing it but we can still have our own thoughts - we can't please all of the people all of the time - personal pleasing has a role to play in our lives too - an important part

Dec

[SkyView7]

@Owlunar I would be a very happy person if people could accommodate the possibility of telepathic relations, but I expect that it would introduce other problems such as the threat to personal privacy so I also expect that it will never happen.

But what appeals to me most about telepathy is the possibility of developing a rapport with those outside the human family, with animals and creatures of all kinds, where humanity is a sentiment shared between beings who accept each other as equals. Sharing a common bond with the creatures I encounter, with spiders and flies and the birds in the garden, is what I love most about being a telepath and is what makes my lifelong solitude possible and tolerable.😊

[Owlunar]

---

@SkyView7 wrote:

bond with the creatures I encounter, with spiders and flies and the birds in the garden, is what I love most about being a telepath and is what makes my lifelong solitude possible and tolerable.😊

---

Hi @SkyView7 

I think it's wonderful that your lifelong solitude has made possible and tolerable because you are a telepath - it's probably true that people would be uncomfortable about having their thoughts read by someone else but not animals

I had a beautiful cat for 15 years - she passed last November and I still miss her - I was totally convinced I knew what she was thinking and she knew what I was thinking. I live alone too and I could tell her anything and everything

We can always commune with the animals - they have a lot to share with us

Dec

[Shaz51]

People can have an injection during puberty for rubella---- yes they did it a high school @Owlunar  when we all turned 13 -- But not me as they said i was immuned to rubella

I think too is because I have been through so many operations and I have developed a lots of things through my life , it is like "what`s next", ohh well

but through my mum`s encouragement and pushing I have done soo much in my life

[Owlunar]

Yes - you have @Shaz51 

I think you had your own business before you got married

Your Mum sounds absolutely fantastic - 

Dec

[Shaz51]

had your own business before you got married and another business after marriage @Owlunar 

my mind is going through all the things I have done , wow , not going to write them all done because I can hear my mum saying " now don`t make your head swell "

[Owlunar]

Oooh - I know @Shaz51 

I have done a lot of things too and I can still hear my mother saying

"You didn't make any money doing that"

Well - I guess her objectives in life were different than mine but I know I have enjoyed so many of the things I have done 

Dec

[Shaz51]

"You didn't make any money doing that"---- I did not make any money either @Owlunar 

but I know I have enjoyed so many of the things I have done--- and this is what we need to hold on too my @Owlunar , what do you think xxx