Lived Experience Forum

[saturnzoon]

Came back from holidays with mum and felt so good, but 10 days back here in real life and SI back, every morning I pray that I won't wake up, but I don't so I stay in my room close my door and shout at the boys to just stop all they ever do is argue call each other names and I try to stop it but my older one cracks it with me and gets angry and says I always stick up for the younger. The older one just doesn't get the Autism that his brother has no matter what  groups and sessions thim and his sister went to to try and help them understand cause my eldest also has Autism but totally other end of scale to my youngest. I'm always caught in the middle and after 26years of it, ive had enough and want out of this life, it doesn't matter how hard I try they just say I care more about the other and with my mental health issues I won't win, it's to hard and painful I was hopping this year would be different but who am I Kidding it's never going to change and i'm stuck I can't get a place of my own as my youngest doesn't even do anything with his father and won't even go over his house so I'm stuck no where to go or hide the only option I see is to end it but I can't even get that right

[Gazza75]

Hang in there @saturnzoon , maybe you can look at planning another break with your mum?  I'm sure she would of enjoyed the time with you just as much as well.  I know it's not much, but, might be something you can look towards and put on the calendar.  

HNY 🙂 

[BlueBay]

Yes @saturnzoon  like @Gazza75  says hang in there. You can get through. 
hugs your way xxxoo

[BlueBay]

@Gazza75 @Maggie @Shaz51 @MDT @Owlunar @Former-Member @Zoe7 @Angels333 @Molliex 

My head is telling me to run away. My head is saying lash out. 

Tiday has been challenging. Crying lots. Doing group on self reflection was difficult for me. But I will try sgsin tomorrow. 

New med is making me drowsy. Seeing psych tomorrow. 

I need to stop these thiughts. I just want to escape from here. 

[Zoe7]

Why did you do group today when your pdoc suggested you didn't do any groups for a few days to settle in @BlueBay? Not having a go at your decision but honestly interested in the why.

[BlueBay]

Ok maybe I shouldn't have gone. thought it was ok to try it. @Zoe7 
no real reason. 

[Zoe7]

I know you want to attend groups and get as uch out of this stay as you can @BlueBay but following the advice of those supporting you is important too. There may be very good reasons why your pdoc made that suggestion and seeing how it has affected you today he may have had a valid point. Do not do more than you can handle to begin with so you can get some respite as well - that is just as important as learning strategies to deal with these things when they come up. You need to look after yourself with the help of those around you whilst you are in there 

[Angels333]

Hey @BlueBay I'm praying for you. I'm just busy right now I will tag you later, just wanted to check in.

💙💙💙

Love Angels333 xx

[Shaz51]

sitting with you my sister @BlueBay 

[BlueBay]

Well guys the last 1/2 hour I completely lost it. Went up to my nurse and we went to a closed room. I Sobbed and told her I want to run away from here and slash into something. I'm angry and need to sh. 
I've never been this honest to the nurses before. I was scared when she said she has to ring my psych. She gave me a prn med to help calm down. 
In bed now   Hopefully I can sleep all night otherwise they can give me another prn. 

she thanked me for been so honest. 

I still need to vent. I need to slash. I want to rip into things. 
and I want to run away from here.