Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

Hi @Owlunar  it’s 6.30am up snd having breakfast. The funeral starts at 10am on the other side of Melbourne. We are leaving home about 8am. 

My sister has decided to go as her 2 children (adults) said they want her to go for support. She is going for her kids but also her ex-FIL was good to her so she is paying her respect. 

Cry - I think that will happen. I’m so mixed up inside with emotions. I need snd hope I can release some. 

I was really angry last night about something in here and now it’s rsttked me. I can’t really say.  But I’ve emailed the moderators hope they can help. 

Im really nit looking forward to tiday. There will be lots of people we haven’t seen for over 20 years. I just want to hibernate. 

Ive told hubby we’re nit going to the cemetery. I can’t hsndle thst. 

I hope you’re ok. I always forget to ask you. 

Chat tonight when I get back ❤️❤️

[Owlunar]

Hi @BlueBay 

The funeral will be starting about now - so when you read this it will be over - and you don't have to go to the cemetery or to the wake afterwards - you have paid your respects to the elderly gentleman and supported your sister and you can go home decently - no need for socialising usless you want to

I don't know what happened here last night and don't need to - emailing the moderators was the right thing to do - there will always be something happening and that's why the moderators care about things like that - to protect us when people get flaky - no need to worry about that

I am okay - thanks for asking - it's a still cold day - great day for a funeral - and this time of year has been so bad for me for so long it's amazing that this year I have only had a handful of difficult days

Take today one piece at a time - it will be okay once it's over - I don't like funerals either but they are the Rites of Passage we all need to attend if possible - it should be a celebration of life - I hope this one is

Dec

[BlueBay]

Hi @Owlunar  funerals remind me of my parents getting older snd especially mother in law.  I did lose it a couple of times a cried. 

It was a nice funeral if I csn say that. My niece and nephew are not taking it too well. They were very close to their grandfather when their parents divorced. 

My ex-brother in law was really appreciative that we came as he knows how far we live. Hubby and him grew up together snd hubby was always at his house. 

We didn’t go to the cemetery. We ended up going to a friends cafe for lunch. Got home about an hour ago. 

Ive got a headache and I’m tired. So an early night tonight. 

Seeing my psychologist tomorrow morning. And I just emailed my dietitian and told him I’m emotional eating a lot lately. He said to discuss it with my psych tomorrow and I see him the following week. 

Hi @Ali11 @Meowmy @Shaz51 @Battlemouse71 and others 😊

[Meowmy]

@BlueBay Sounds you coped well at big emotional event. Hope your appointment go well this well. Take care.

[BlueBay]

Thanks @Meowmy 

hope you’re doing ok. Xx

[BlueBay]

Wish someone could tell hubby to SHUT UP!!!

this whinging and complaining has to stop. 

Just STOP!!!!!

[Razzle]

Hi @BlueBay I’ve been a little quiet of late, lots of things happening here.  My son, his partner and the baby came up last week for a visit, staying until this Friday.  That plan has actually changed and they may stay until Monday now.

They have both really opened up to us over the last couple of days - they have been living in hell since the baby was born.  The other grandmother has been keeping them prisoner in her home, she barely lets them near the baby - OMG, I could write pages and pages and only scratch the surface of what they have been going through.

Short version is that my son isn’t even acknowledged in the house and his partner is screamed at from sun up to sun down and neither have had any chance to parent their own baby.  The other grandmother is extremely abusive, both physical and mental (which my sons partner has lived with all her life) 

They are desperate to get out and we have offered to move them here and allow them to raise their baby without all the stress and violence they are dealing with now - which they have jumped at.  We are in the process now of coming up with a plan to move them out safely, as they expect the other grandmother to be a danger to them.  

It has been horrific for them, I feel absolutely sick that they have had to put up with this.  I have been very wrong about my sons partner - but I have totally underestimated her mother, she is 1000 times worse than I had thought.  She is a cruel, sick, twisted psychopath.

At this point in time they will be moving back here next week.  My sons partner is still pretty fragile so we’re not making too many decisions that may spook her, we’re allowing her to call the shots and give her some power back - in fact, we’ve just let her enjoy her baby for the first time in 10 weeks.  And I have to say, she is a brilliant mum, and our son is doing a wonderful job too.  

[BlueBay]

Oh wow @Razzle so much has been happening in your world. 

I’m glad that your son and his partner have been open to you and hubby. Thsts a good step. 

But omg her mother sounds like a mother from hell. She sounds dangerous and very controlling and manipulative. 

Just be careful especially when they leave her place to move in eith you. You may need to get an intervention order. She’s evil. How can she be like that her own daughter. 

Snd at least niw when they live with you she can bond properly with the bsby and so can your son. 

I just can’t believe it. 

How dare she not let them go near the bsby - it’s their bsby not hers. The sooner they’re out the better.  Not a good happy environment fir them all. They need to leave now. Poor bubba. 

I’m sure you will all get along and you will support them. It’s a lot fir them but they will be ok with you and hubby. 

Take care @Razzle  been thinking about you. 

❤️❤️

[Owlunar]

Hi @Razzle 

How horrible - and how wonderful you are able to step in and help out - God bless you for that - I have tears in my eyes just now as I am writing - this has been such an unhappy thing for all involved

I'm so glad you have seen your son and his partner and the baby - and so glad you can offer them a safe place - and that other grandmother

@BlueBay  is spot on - I agree you need to see about an intervention order - it will be a dangerous time when they move out - the other grandmother sounds like something out of a nightmare - how dare she keep her daughter away from her own baby! How can she breast-feed/best-feed her own daughter - that is all so wrong my own mother-hackles are rising at the thought

I so hope all of this works out

Dec

[Owlunar]

---

@BlueBay wrote:

Wish someone could tell hubby to SHUT UP!!!

this whinging and complaining has to stop. 

Just STOP!!!!!

---

Aw @BlueBay 

This is so hard - there is only one person who can tell Huffnpuff the world isn't all about him and the coffee cups - and that's you.

You have tremendous self-control - I don't know how you keep it all inside when he constantly nags at you - you feel terrible when he does. I know he's not inclined to listen - he has OCD I get that but he doesn't have to take it all out on you an be abusive

So - tell him to take a walk - walk this way and that way and around this corner - I would love to be a fly on the wall

And more important - I take it that you are with your therapist - or have been or will be soon - I hope you can talk about Huffnpuff because it seems that is the hardest thing you have to deal with right now and having lived so many years with a grumpy statue - I get it - I hear you - 

And then there was the funeral - well done - I am proud of you - such a bad-weather day too - and it's great you had coffee at your friend's cafe and didn't go to the cemetery - we don't do that in our family now - we used to - it's like dragging it all out for longer

We've had 6 family funerals in less than 14 years - when people have elderly people in their families they tend to drop off the tree - your parents aren't old yet though - I am in my mid 70s now and have a lot of arthritis but I am not old yet - 

And your poor old MIL - if Huffnpuff could share you could talk about her and be supportive yourself - but he wants to be a pain - it will actually be a blessing when she passes - I felt like that about my mother - she was in her middle 90s - 

It's so tough right now BlueBay - and I hear you - 

Dec

best thoughts