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gymgirl
Casual Contributor

not good enough

In less than 2 months after our seperation my ex has moved on with someone else. It has left me feeling completely heartbroken. While we were together I never felt like I was meeting his standards but for him to move on so quickly it makes me feel as though he didnt care about me at all. I get hurt rather easily when it comes to relationships and it takes me a long time to get over a seperation. I am constantly thinking about the two of them and it is starting to have an impact on my everyday living. I have been trying to block out the thoughts of them and think positively but nothing seems to be working. Has anybody else felt this way?

16 REPLIES 16

Re: not good enough

Hi @gymgirl and welcome to the forum. I'm really sorry to hear you're going through some heartbreak. That's tough.

Not long ago I came across photos of an ex with his partner. They looked so happy, in love, enjoying each other's company etc. We've been separated for a long time (many years) and I don't miss him, have no nice feelings towards him at all and don't even want to see him again (like ever). But it still hurt badly when I saw what I did. I was hit with all kinds of questions about why I didn't have that with him, what was wrong with me that he wasn't like that with me and why I wasn't good enough to have that too. I also wondered what it was about me that meant he seemed to not care at all. For a little while I struggled to shake it off even though I have done a lot of work on getting to a place where some of the damage from that relationship has been healed. I have a feeling those thoughts and feelings might be a pretty common response to being confronted with something like that and like your ex seeming to move on as quickly as he has.

Losing a relationship can be a big loss and can come with lots of grief. I think loss and grief can cause lots of feelings that can sometimes be really tricky and take time to work through.

Do you have friends or family (or others) you're able to talk with about what's going on at the moment? Sometimes surrounding yourself with people who can remind you of the good things about you can help.

Re: not good enough

Hi Cheerbear,

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post.  You are very right, grief and loss can be rather tricky to work through and I know it will take some time, but I cant help but feel a little humiliated. I have tried to talk to my family about this but my sister isn't the best at giving advice in these types of situations, even though she does try, but she just can't relate. My brother doesn't seem to see much wrong with moving on in that timeframe. This is why I thought I would join this group so I can see  things from other peoples perspectives and know that hopefully what I am feeling is not insane and possibly help me to heal a little faster by talking with people who understand.

Re: not good enough

For what it is worth, I don't think you're insane @gymgirl. It's uncomfortable when you question whether you are or whether what you're experiencing is 'normal' though. Humiliated is a yucky feeling and on top of the loss, having that to contend with would be hard.

It's great to see you reaching out and talking here, especially if others aren't being so helpful. Keep posting and talking if it helps. I think grief and loss can be so much harder to process when people aren't able to talk about it or express it.

Re: not good enough

Hi @gymgirl, we're sorry to hear about your recent breakup and subsequent discovery. It is completely understandable that you are taking the time to move forward and feel humiliated from the actions of your ex.

 

It can be hard talking to family members if they don't understand how you are feeling. Coming here is a great place to start, do you have any friends to chat to or any activities that you enjoy to help start moving forward?

Re: not good enough

Hello Ali11,

Thank you for your support. The only interest that I really have and enjoy is exercising (gym,walking,running). I don't have any close friends that I could talk to about this either.  I live in a small town and keep to myself alot. I am also a fairly private person and would not like the town to know how badly I am coping at the moment. Just being able to talk about this with understanding people like you will help me greatly.

Re: not good enough

Totally understandable @gymgirl, you are very welcome here. Heart What's your favourite type of exercise that you like to do? 

Re: not good enough

Thank you Ali11. I think walking would have to be my favourite. Even though I do enjoy the others as well. 

Re: not good enough

Walking is so calming, isn't it @gymgirl  Someone recently recommended a book, The Lost Art of Walking. It's about how beautiful walking is and how we've captured or portrayed walking in art over the centuries, how the way we walk can tell people who we are. Haven't read it yet, but it sounds good Smiley Happy Do you listen to music or podcasts while you walk, or do you prefer the sounds of nature?

Re: not good enough

That book does sound interesting. I might see if my local library has it and check it out. Walking is calming and it helps me to think. I like to listen to music along the way because I can relate to some of the songs with the way I am feeling at the time. 

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