Lived Experience Forum

[gymgirl240]

hello im gymgirl 240 

i was reciently sexually assaulted mid december last year by my boss. I have reported it to police and they are working on the case. The reason im here is to get others stories on how they have coped through it as I am really finding it hard to deal with and have restless nights and really paranoid to be around males that I do not know but with this i am losing some friends because they dont understand why i am having trouble being around them. please share stories and i am more then welcome to open up about what i am going through

[River9]

Hi there @gymgirl240, I'm River9, one of the Moderators here on the Forums. I'm so sorry to hear about your very recent experience of sexual assault. Thank you for sharing a part of your story here on the Forums - I hope others are able to help you by sharing their stories and connecting with you in that way.

It can be very hard to cope with certain things after an experience like yours - restless nights and feeling uncomfortable around certain people are not uncommon and understandable considering what you've been through. Losing friends must make coping even trickier. 

I have some members in mind and I'm sure there are even more, that I think may be able to provide you with some support...they have been across a thread created by @The-red-centaur, who has experienced something similar to yourself. You can find it here, https://saneforums.org/t5/Something-s-not-right/Questions-on-reporting-sexual-assault/m-p/389661/hig.... These members have been of great support 🙂 ... @Zoe7, @Former-Member and @utopia

[Former-Member]

Hi @gymgirl240,
I had some not great experiences when I was 4-5 and when I was 11 I was quite badly sexually assaulted in a bookstore.
I believe I lived with ptsd for all of my adolescence and 20s until I sought treatment.
I guess what you need to know right now is that it is real and your reactions and responses to this experience are real and okay. Whatever you are feeling right now is okay. You've been through a very bad experience and your body and mind need to recalibrate and heal.
Sorry if I'm a bit brief this evening, I'm not feeling very well.
After I was assaulted at 11 I was terrified being in public alone. I was terrified going to and from school and ballet and friends houses and the like. I was in panic mode the whole time. But after I got some therapy (emdr) this settled down.
I guess (and this is going to sound strange) in some ways you have to embrace and thank your mind and body for what they are doing right now. You went through a shitty experience and your mind/body are trying to protect you from it happening again. So be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up if you have a bad night or react badly to men around you. It will pass, but it will take time to feel safe and secure again.
Hope this was helpful not a hindrance.

[utopia]

@gymgirl240 - so sorry that you experienced this assault.
I had an workplace incident with a dangerous patient 3 & 1/2 years ago now. I struggled every time I heard a loud male voice or a yell. I would drop to the ground, pee myself and be frozen in terror.
Yep, I was diagnosed with PTSD. I went and saw a psychologist who specialised in EMDR (eye movement desensitisation reprogramming - silly name).
This EMDR therapy worked really well for me. I no longer get panic attacks. I don't freeze or freak out when I hear a male voice. I can tell the story of my incident without 'feeling' it or reliving it.
It sounds like you may be suffering from PTSD. Regardless of which therapy you use - please try and find a psychologist who deals with PTSD and sexual assault. You will have the best chance of a better recovery that way.
It will take a while. Nothing happens overnight. But it can and will happen with help and time.
It might be helpful if you could educate your family and friends about trauma and PTSD. You can find information on the Sane Website or BeyondBlue's Website or the CASA (centre against sexual assault) website. Ask them to read through the information. The more information they have - the more they will understand and the more they can support you.
I wish you all the best.

[gymgirl240]

thank you all for your help. just sucks going through this at the age of 19

[gymgirl240]

thank you and yea I let my body do what it is doing but still sucks that I'm going through this at the age of just 19

[gymgirl240]

@utopiathank you for your imput and it sucks even more as i cannot even hug my own father or get huged by him without dropping to the floor either screaming or crying my eyes out 

[utopia]

@gymgirl240 - that will pass over time and you'll be able to have hugs with your dad again.
I know it's a recent assault - bit are you seeing anyone to help you through this?
CASA or even your gp can help you find a therapist.

[Former-Member]

Hi @gymgirl240

Sorry to hear this has happened to you. I also have a past of sexual assault. I am not sure if you have heard of this website but they are worth checking out.

www.1800respect.com.au 

they are a national counselling service for sexual assault. You can ring up and speak to a specialist counsellor who will be able to help you. They are really good to speak to, can get you help in your local area or just talk. I am pretty sure they are 24hours too so really worth it. I have rang them before and they helped

[Zoe7]

Hi @gymgirl240

Firstly, it is natural to be feeling the way you are after a traumatic incident as you have experienced. Secondly, it is also natural for you to be uncomfortable around other people right now also. 

Try not to be so hard on yourself - no-one that has not experienced such a trauma can fully understand the massive impact it has on you. It is one of those 'subjects' that is often hard to talk about and just as hard to hear - most people do not know how to react or act when someone discloses a SA to them. 

I would suggest you contact your local Sexual Assault Support Service for some help. They can provide you with support both now and through any legal proceedings (if this happens). It is also a great place to connect with other people who have experienced similar things. 

Often it is knowing that you have been heard that begins the process of working through this @gymgirl240 - and here you will definitely be heard 

There are many here who will listen and I suggest you familiarise yourself with the Community Guidelines - which can be found here - so you are aware of what you can and cannot post - especially re: content and safety.

Lastly I want to let you know how courageous and strong you are - not just for reporting your boss but for seeking support here on the forum  Many have walked the same path as you are now but not all have had the courage to do what you have done - and that is massive. Keep talking, keep reaching out and keep accepting all the support that you are offered.

You are not alone...

Zoe