Thanks Sandy, LJ and Anne,
I'm feeling a bit better today thankfully. I checked in with my boss today, and got everything sorted so I have the rest of this week off, as well as next week. I feel a bit bad, and a little worried about how everything will be when I get back, but at the same time I feel like a huge weight is (slowly) lifting. I hope this will give me time time to get back out of this hole and finish sorting out everything for a campout we're having as part of the cattle youth group (aka SALY)
I was/am worried that I'll crash again this weekend. And the idea of that happening out there is scary. But having the rest of the week off will help I think.
I think the other problem with yesterday was that I was feeling so fragile, and in the morning I messaged a friend I work with (who has Bipolar and other heath problems so understands) and I felt like she complletely invalidated me so I snapped at her. Then I found out that she'd called up sick, so I felt like that was my fault. When I messaged her again later in the day to partly apologise (I was sorry for snapping, but I feel like when I say something she dissmisses it because she has it worse) only to have her outright say that she sturggles so much and when I snapped at her that sent her a downward spiral. So then (and I still do now) feel like a complete A**hole.
I'm terrified I've lost her as a friend. I have such a hard time meeting people and having friends, so the idea of losing one of very few people is really upsetting. But at the same time frustrating, as I don't feel like I'm in the wrong. Or even that she's in the wrong. We clashed, we should get over it and be fine. Hopefully?
Golly golly. Sorry for the long post...
Hopefully I get some sleep tonight, and I will hope for the calm to sort out the SALY stuff and clean my house. and when I am in a better frame of mind see if I can sort things out with my friend.
And I will make time regardless at some point tomorrw to spend and hour colouring or something simple. Just for me.
