Lived Experience Forum

[Kriss]

Hey guys, for people who experience anhedonia and dont mind sharing your experience, please share it with me. I want to write a song based off it but not just only from my experiences, if that makes sense. Nothing personal will be shown so dont worry- just want to get experience from more than just my own.

It's kinda to cope not gonna lie- it's very unlikely to be shared anytime soon- and i'll probably put a disclaimer so people don't get any misconceptions or anything but like- yeah-

[tyme]

Hi @Kriss ,

What an interesting idea! 

Anhedonia? That’s me in the dark, under the covers and not doing anything.

Im sure others will be more articulate in sharing their experiences.

[DogMan79]

A song about anhedonia could use the song writing process or block as metaphor. Losing all passion for music and writing pretty much sums it up, if that has traditionally been a passion

[Quixotic12]

Interesting idea!
My experience with anhedonia has been going on for a few years now and has been constant.  Anhedonia is grey and monotone. Living with anhedonia makes me feel like a robot, just going through the motions, doing what I need to do to survive—not feeling any sense of connection, belonging, comfort, affection, love, satisfaction, joy, empathy, mastery, achievement or glimmers of happiness. Positive feedback from tasks is non-existent, so consistency with positive behaviours is a struggle.

My mind is largely blank nowadays, with very little internal monologue, no spontaneous, creative thoughts and no daydreaming. There is no planning for the future or reliving of the past, just an endless expanse of nothing. A blank room with no walls. People say that living in the present is where we are most content but I beg to differ. Not when it is like this. There is a fate worse than death, and it's called anhedonia

Staring at a wall is preferable to tasks and hobbies I used to enjoy because they now feel like chores and still carry with them the expectation of enjoyment. I feel avoidant towards them because of the constant disappointment of not feeling the joy I once used to. That being said, I have started doing hobbies again as I refuse to give up.

Some mornings, I wake up and feel a sense of horror when I realise that this nightmare is my reality, but I am slowly adapting and sometimes hopeful that things may change in the future.

Apologies if this is a little bleak but I'm just speaking honestly about my experience.

All the best!

[tyme]

Hey @Quixotic12 ,

Welcome to the forums! So it sounds like you are not alone in how you feel. I can also relate to those feelings. It's certainly not pleasant. But I have to say things have improved remarkably now. 

So maybe its not something that remains forever? Is that something to look forward to?

How are you @Kriss ?

[Quixotic12]

Hi @tyme,

Glad to hear things have improved for you! It gives me a lot of hope to hear that.

Hopefully it's not something that lasts forever, but I'm slowly learning to accept that this is how things are currently. Hope and the support network I've built up is what keeps me going, mostly. 

 I recently spent two weeks in a free intensive mental health facility which really helped me get back on my feet and begin to engage with life again. Incredibly grateful to be given the opportunity to stay there.

[tyme]

Good on you @Quixotic12 .

Me too. My entire recovery was in public area mental health which meant I didn't have to pay for anything. I receive A LOT of treatment and therapy for my mental health.

Having such an amazing outcome, I've always promised to give back to the community, and that recovery was not just for me.

I've had about 5 stays in prevention and recovery centres. I've had many inpatient stays too. And nearly 3 years case managed. Case management meant I had a peer worker, social worker and psychosocial support. 

I couldn't be more grateful.

Hold on to what you have now. I like the way you framed that you accept what is happening for you now. This is so important in that i means you aren't always struggling and fighting your circumstances.

Just keep going.

You are not alone.