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Something’s not right

Lilly6
Senior Contributor

Anxious 😟

TW SI

Today I am at war in my head. One part of me just wants to give up and just cease to be part of this world. I am so tired of fighting to get ahead and there is always something- right now I am struggling with assessments, lack of connections to others and my weight. I have put on so much weight recently and feel so uncomfortable. But one part of me still wants to hang around and be part of this world. At varying times of the day either one can be winning the war as I am quite up and down emotionally too.
I am not looking for sympathy or even really advice- I have a therapist, I know I should take my medication but I don’t want to, I have been using distraction techniques when things get too rough, I know people etc care about me and I have been considering mindfulness. I just wanted to put how I feel out there while the part that wants to stay is winning as it could change later in the day.

18 REPLIES 18

Re: Anxious 😟

Hey @Lilly6 thanks for being so open and honest about what you're experiencing at the moment and I imagine it would feel pretty exhausting having that internal battle going on.   I'm glad that you've been able to listen to the kind and protective part of you that wants you to be safe and healthy, although I'm hearing that it's still a struggle. 

 

In case you need some extra support, I'll send you an email just to check in and see how you're going. 

 

Take care and stay safe, Rainforest 

 

 

Re: Anxious 😟

Hi Lilly,

 

I'm low on spoons but am thinking of you, I've been in a similar position to you many times before, I'm sure you've been in this place before, things go well, things get bad again, but then it picks up. Recovery is 2 steps forward, 1 step back and is something we all have to work on everyday. You sound like you know the tools required to manage but it still doesn't help those thoughts, but does give you a second to breathe so you can continue pushing through it. I hope you find time soon to rest and continue winning at staying. 🙂 Always up for a chat if needed.

Re: Anxious 😟

Thank you @Rainforest yes it is a struggle but I am doing my best. 

Re: Anxious 😟

Yes, I can hear it is still a struggle @Lilly6 and I'm sure your best will carry you through this tough time.  Please reach out if you need some extra support...take care and stay safe Heart

Re: Anxious 😟

Thank you @Isabelle I appreciate your support. It is such a hard road and I never considered before all this started just how hard it would be. I have the tools yes but not sure I have the stamina. I am trying to rest but feeling more and more stressed unfortunately. Will keep working on it. 

Re: Anxious 😟

Hi there

I go blank whenever I try to put my situation in front to know what's going on in my head cause it's terrifying to hear I can not help myself in that moment. I have a battle with words that make me fell inferior about how I canot use English language to express. And that realty hurts me cause dealing with such situation and if you cannot use simple language or words to express it gets more frustrating. So the war is between I know to use English language better and the voice says you don't know. And it's so scary the argument that you go out of control.And it's not about English language I know I am better at it .it's about how you are intentions are towards the language and how you use it.

Also I was feeling alone and want to reach out. 

Hope I make sense cause was just trying to say what's going on and distract myself .

 

Re: Anxious 😟

@Lilly6  Thanks for getting your feeling out there. Sometimes I find getting it down on paper, or in a post, help unravel the jumbled, going on in my brain. Lack of connections is affecting lots of us at the moment, and the uncertainty of our new ‘ normal’

 

I hope your assessment goes ok.

 

Good to hear you have a therapist, and want to hang around, but I do get the war raging within.

 

Take care. 💜💜

 

@Kritika @Isabelle ðŸ‘‹ðŸ‘‹ðŸ‘‹ðŸ’™ðŸ’™ðŸ’™

Re: Anxious 😟

My husband did not take medication for his lifelong psychotic depression until 3 years ago and suffered with employment problems, a marriage breakdown and confinment in mental hospitals on 3 occasions. Now that he is on regulated mediation his life has greatly improved.

Re: Anxious 😟

Hi @Kritika I hope you are feeling less alone, I'm glad you reached out. 

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