Lived Experience Forum

[Teej]

I don’t know what I want. I have so much anger tied up inside and I can’t let go of it. It makes me so self destructive. I want to completely self destruct. I don’t want to follow a safety plan or be a nice person or anything right now. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

It’s more about helping the anger to find its way out without being self destructive   @Teej ..... doing something is burning energy ..... burning energy is using some of the energy produced by the anger .....

Think of a power surge.  You need to “earth” it, give it an alternative pathway.

[Teej]

Can’t write anymore for now. Have to go for a bit. Will be okish. Thank you for responding @Faith-and-Hope

[Sans911]

Liking you=hearing you @Teej

I understand your struggles 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

[Faith-and-Hope]

Stay safe @Teej .... 💜💐💕💜💐💕💜

[Teej]

I need to talk about the elephant in the room. When you know you are not safe but if you could talk something through you might be ok. It becomes impossible to do. Lifeline only give you 5 min to ascertain what is causing you problems and then if you are safe. If you indicate not emergency services will arrive at your door. You’ll be taken to hospital and discharged and then come home and do it anyway because you are completely humiliated and are know there is no help. I have tried to talk to CATT, the psychologist and SANE without being able to get through to anyone. Ringing any other crisis services at this point will only tip me over all the way. I cant talk about it here and I can’t switch it off unless I push the envelope again like I did last night. 

Two weeks ago I had family tea and I looked around at my family and saw them all interacting and it was awesome to see but all I could think about at that time was that they’ll be fine and pull together when I’m gone. I want to go out with those memories intact. 

I am flipping between all the time, reaching out here for help then running away. I don’t know how to be. That assessment has messed with me so much and I don’t know how to put it all back. 

[suzanne]

Hi @Teej I'm sorry to hear that things are so tough.  We've been flat out in the HC today but it might quieten down this evening.  Do you want to give it another go a little later?

[Teej]

The post above is not meant to be critical of any organisation. I have had more than my fair share of support over the years. 

[suzanne]

It wasn't taken that way @Teej.  It was just an offer of support 🙂

[Teej]

Thank you @suzanne. I typed that before I read your message. It was a PS.  I’ll try the hc. Thank you again. 💜🤗