Lived Experience Forum

[Eden1919]

I dont know if i am ok or not. I mean i dont plan to hurt myself but i just cant stop crying and I have basically no support at the moment and i am so exhausted and i want to keep trying i really do but i cant see and end and i dont know how much i have left in me and i just really need a break and i really need to hug my dog but i cant and i have tried sleeping it off i just need a break but i dont know what to do anymore and i know there isnt really anything i can do except ride it out but i just feel so tired and so weak and i really dont know what to do. i am safe right now. 

[Eden1919]

I am struggling again I keep falling into the trap of thinking things might actually help. i am doing everything i can but even that isnt enough nothing is ever enough. I am starting to feel unreal again. like everyone around me is fake and i am in the wrong place i am trying to hold on but i am scared i will fall again. my head feels like it is spinning and the screaming inside is back with a vengance. i honestly dont know what is left to do. i am trying so hard and i dont know how to keep going i want to but i feel so weird i keep hiding under my blankets. i dont freaking know anymore. 

[Turquoise]

Hey @Eden1919, 

It sounds like you are going through a really rough time at the moment, i am really sorry to hear this. I am just wanting to check in with you and highlight some numbers to call if you are feeling overwhelmed, please see them below:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Samaritans: 135 247

If in immediate danger: 000

Thank you for sharing with us, i hope the rest of the night is kind to you. 

Warm Regards, 

Turquoise

[Eden1919]

@Turquoise  I know no bad intentions were meant by your post but please dont post those numbers i know you have to tell people where to get help and all but those numbers have been awful to me in the past and are super triggering also i am well aware that this isnt a crisis site and i am NOT looking for crisis suport i am just venting my feelings. again i know you are just tying to do your job but please dont post those numbers for me again.  

[Turquoise]

Hey @Eden1919, 

I apologise if i caused you any harm. I will keep this in mind for future posts. Thank you for being so understanding with your response, i appreciate you taking the time to let me know this. 

I hope the rest of your night gets a little better, i am glad you are not in crisis and hope this does not discourage you from sharing in the future.

Warm Regards, 

Turquoise. 

[Eden1919]

I am honestly so confused and i feel so weird I am not sure if it is the eating issues or if i am just royally fcuked but i really dont know what is happening with me anymore I feel so weird and like i am actually seriously struggling but then not idk how to explain this shite but i am fed up and i am getting all paranoid about the possibilty of taking to a psych next week like should i just lie i have been forced to the heck hole for less before and like you never know with these "people" (i know they are human they just dont act like it when performing their jobs) but my blinking memory has been like a siv with sand in it lately and like i am just trying to live my flooping life like cant my brain just function. you know if you buy something from a shop and it isnt fit for purpose you can return it and get a new one why cant brains have the same policy i think thats unfair. also i am absolutely done with this whole government business and golbal warming and just rich people ruining everyone elses lives to contuine to make more money than they could ever spend. and another thing what the hell is the deal with me getting so darn sleep i tried to go to bed early well not tonight but yesterday but no still everything is wrong. I am tired and fed the fook up. 

Rant OVER. 

(the misspelling of the swear words was intentional) (any other spelling mistakes were not but i am starting to wonder if my brain is decaying or if i am dyslexic cause i am having real problems)