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Something’s not right

The-red-centaur
Senior Contributor

Idk what to say....tw

Um.....hi. 

It's been ages since I've been on. So I'm sorry if you don't remember me. 

I'm scared to mention stuff coz of guidelines so this a has a tw coz of suicide.

 

 

.

I'm meant to be grateful to be alive. 4 weeks ago I should have died. So many people have been angry and sad and shocked and in their way they've  all shown their support. But it's just left me feeling confused and alone atm coz I don't feel the way they want me to.

I messed it up and now I might not walk again. And that scares me, walking was a massive part of my life. I wish I was dead. I'm stuck in a medical ward for months with very little support. I can't do this. I'm not strong enough to do what everyone else wants me to 

15 REPLIES 15

Re: Idk what to say....tw

Hi @The-red-centaur 

It is Whitehawk here, moderating this evening. I am sorry to hear that you have been through a particularly distressing and harrowing time.  Good on you for reaching out on the forum.  We really hope you can find some strength at a time like this.  I will email you off the forum to check in with you.

 

Take care

Whitehawk

Re: Idk what to say....tw

@The-red-centaur  Hey The-red-centaur of course I remember you :). I have been wondering how you were going as you are right it has been ages since you have been online. I am so sorry that you have/are going through such a hard time atm. The pea is always here for you to talk to. Even if you just want me to be there and not say anything I will gladly do that. You are a friend and I want to help whatever way I can. Love peaxxx

Re: Idk what to say....tw

ooohhh @The-red-centaur 

Heart

Yes I do remember you. You had attitude.  

Smiley Happy

I am very sad you are stuck in hospital and may not be able to walk. You were also living in tricky environments and had a lot to deal with.... There are probably heaps of reasons for feeling the way you do.

 

How do we cope and make life worth while? Big questions.  

 

Re: Idk what to say....tw

@The-red-centaur  I remember you too. So very sorry life is this hard. Listening, hearing and feeling with you. I wish I could do more. 💜💜💜

Re: Idk what to say....tw

Nice to hear from you @The-red-centaur .

 

My brother went through being incapacitated last year, he broke his neck and lost all movement.  All he could do was move his eyes to try and communicate.  He made it through and is walking now. 

 

I think you are in a better space than he was.  Don't give up hope.

Re: Idk what to say....tw

Hey @The-red-centaur it's been a while but I remember you. Very sorry to hear of the situation atm. Just wanted to let you know I saw your post and am thinking of you.

Re: Idk what to say....tw

Thanks everyone. I had a better day today. It's been a very up and down process lately.
They're thinking about moving me to a regional hospital after my next surgery so they could have the bed for more important people while I wait for following surgeries and then to go to a rehabilitation center.

After rehab I'm planning on moving to the mainland and starting a new life from my triggers here. This year's been so terrible I need to rebuild my life and I can't do that here. I've decided I'm going to pursue my teenage dream of becoming a scientist and get myself out of the mental health system and out of a victim mindset.

I guess I had to hit the bottom before I realised I was destroying myself, my life, everyone around and even strangers. I can't keep doing what I was doing.

Re: Idk what to say....tw

I can't do this tonight. I don't want to be here.

Re: Idk what to say....tw

Sitting with you @The-red-centaur . Sometimes breathing is all we can continue to do. Listening. 💜💜💜

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