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Something’s not right

Roseglitter
New Contributor

Just really confused about my behaviours and thoughts ❤️

I've had depression before, and am currently on antidepressants. When I feel depressed I have extremely low self esteem and I feel like all the hope has been sucked out of existence and living. I've very recently experienced what I think is a hypomanic episode? I had a lot of racing

thoughts in the morning and am generally really uninhibited in public, I can go from excited to irritated within a few hours, and I talk out loud a lot. This generally lasted until about 12:30pm, and then I’d feel fatigued and lay in bed all day. In the weeks leading up to that I felt really talkative and agitated, wanting to move and walk and do things but not being able to concentrate. Last month I also attempted suicide after suffering from a lot of suicidal thoughts in the days leading up to it.

 

I've had episodes almost identical to this to this before too: in 2018 I was both very all over the place and severely depressed at the same time for a few weeks.

 

I often feel like I can’t control my uninhibited/bizarre anxious behaviours during episodes, and when I come out of episodes I often have a much firmer grasp on my behaviour.

 

Recently, in the last few days my concentration levels have returned and I’m able to stop talking out loud to myself, and my mind’s darting around less as well.

 

i think that a break up/heartbreak started this last episode but I can't be sure. In 2018 I also felt pressured to try to do really well at university and look for work, and I wanted to get my act together. I find that these episodes of depressed moods/thoughts, and racing thinking/uninhibited behaviour happen during times where nothing stressful is going on in my life too.

3 REPLIES 3

Re: Just really confused about my behaviours and thoughts ❤️

@Roseglitter  Welcome to the forums.

 

I’m just going to tag a few other members who might be able to help you.

@frog  @eth  

 

Things are sounding challenging. I don’t know if you are seeing a counsellor/psych at the moment, but if you can, it might be a good idea.

 

It’s good you have reached out here, there are many of us struggling with different kinds of mental illnesses.

You are welcome to look around and join in.

The @ brings a dropdown, that’s how we tag each other.

Re: Just really confused about my behaviours and thoughts ❤️

Hi @Roseglitter 

Welcome to the forum. You have a lot of insight into your own thoughts and behaviour; not an easy thing to do!

I can relate to a lot of the experiences you're describing. I went undiagnosed for 30 years until I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1.

Please note that I'm not making any assumptions/judgments about your situation. Labels are tricky and can be unhelpful, though in my case it helped me make sense of my experiences.

Do you have a trusted GP? It would be worth asking for a referral to a Psychiatrist if you don't have one already. I say this because diagnosis is not a precise science and the more expertise you can access the better. Also for people with mood disorders (anything other than clear unipolar depression) medications can be a real balancing act, which is what psychiatrists do.

The other thing a GP can do is set up a mental health plan that enables you to access some medicare funded psychology sessions. Finding a good psychiatrist and psychologist can be really hard. It took me a long time to get a good fit, but it was worth the struggle and has vastly improved my quality of life.

I'm glad you found the forum. It's been great for me to chat with people who can understand what I'm going through. Have a look at Introduce yourself here to get to know a few people.

Take care.

Hi @Maggie tthanks for the tag, hope all's well.

Re: Just really confused about my behaviours and thoughts ❤️

Hi @Roseglitter  welcome to the forums.  It's great that you've reached out here. Hopefully you are finding your way around ok by now.  I wanted to think about my reply to you and since then @frog  responded and has said all I could and would have.  Very similar experience with not being accurately diagnosed until age 46.  And ultimately recognized as having bipolar 1 here too.  Plus complex and chronic PTSD.  

If you want to talk some more I'll try to reply sooner.  Just having some issues in my offline life atm.

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