Dearest @Starta and waves to others as they drop by. @greenpea @frog @Whitehawk
Firstly I will just point out that you are not ALL your sons have ... they have partners, children, friends, etc. But I am quite sure you are a very big part in all their lives .. as you should be. Perhaps even more now, than before. Perhaps it may even bring them all a little closer to you, which is a good thing I think. I do recall you saying that your eldest son has many of his fathers traits. I realise that is triggering and very upsetting for you to see and endure when you are around him. I wish there was an easier way to go about this, but I guess there really isnt.
Everyone always says "you are stronger than you think", and I think this is so very true. I know there have been times I never thought I could make it through .. and yet I have. I am positive you too have done that? Often when we are unable to support ourselves as well as we should, it can be a very helpful process to suddenly have someone else's tragedy to think about. Perhaps this will be the case for you ... somehow we manage to push through for others, where as we may not try so hard just for ourselves. You have so many additional reasons now to stand up and take the best care of yourself, and in the process to better support your sons and their immediate families.
With your DIL ... is she religious? Does she have family of her own ... eg parents, siblings, etc? I would imagine she will have already been provided with professional medical supports to help her through this dreadful ordeal she is about to go through. They probably also have supports available for your son and their children, if he is willing to utilise those services. And perhaps you also? It could be a good option to all attend together. Sometimes being able to talk openly about what is likely to happen with your DIL and when, can be a helpful process. Its all part of the preparation and acceptance thing. In effect, you would already have entered the grieving process.
You are certainly not bad @Starta ... I know no other who is as kind, sweet and good ... as you. Its natural to be questioning your own ability to cope. We all want to do the most and best we can to help our loved ones through any difficulty when life throws it in our path. Its very normal to fear that we wont come up to scratch. But I know you will. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about ... do you hear me? Please believe me when I say that. I think I know you well enough to realise you would have done everything in your power to do the best for your loved ones, at all times. If your narcissistic husband disempowered you, that is definitely not your fault.
Yes its a down post ... but clearly you are feeling down, and little wonder you are. We are allowed to be down, and to express our feelings here. Here is a great place to speak our mind, say things as they are, and to seek support and understanding from others. You have that.
Thanks @Starta for expressing your condolences re my Mum who died in mid July. I still miss her .. every day. I used to phone her every day, and I really miss that. Some days I still think to myself "I will just give mum a call", only to realise that she is no longer there. Its hard. But of course you know all about how that feels.
Here is something I think you might enjoy. I hope my link works okay.
Please remember I am always thinking of you.
Sherry 💕
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=pan+flute+youtube&view=detail&mid=5C40D9D4DAA68B6E3E5C5C40D9D4D...
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