Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Hi fellow Sane people
Im really struggling with the disclosure of my sexual abuse and how to move forward.
Yes im safe and all the right steps have been taken etc but im still struggling to move forward
Im wondering what people have done snd strategies you've used in order to get through it?

Does it get easier over time?

Im very embarrassed and ashamed and scared by it and struggling so any help would be great.
It would be great to know if there are any other survivors on here and how you are now and how it affect the way you live

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member
Thats such a big question. I think it can get easier over time... I think my psychology sessions keep me sane and coping.. but I have had lots of other stuff happening over the last few years (short version dv, custody battle, job changes, moving location) etc.. and I think everytime i've tried to deal with some of the undercurrent stuff that drags me down so much... some other crisis pops up... I'm determined to deal with things better this year! And get trhough some of the hard stuff in regards to therapy. For me I do think working iwth an experienced psychologist/counsellor is a must, but I know other people on here have preferred self help books. I can say some aspects are getting easier, I am better able to manage my moods through using self care (Eating, exercising, sleep stuff) and managing my big emotions better through grounding etc.
You can get thought it... it's certainly not easy.. and i think you have to be commited to getting through it because it is hard at times.
I'm still learning and still 'getting through it' so not sure i've been any help! sorry!
lj

[Zoe7]

Hi @Former-Member

I am so sorry that you have experienced this and especially that you are feeling embarassed and ashamed now. The ONLY person who should be feeling embarassed and ashamed is the one that has abused you! Even if this was the case - it does not diminish what has happened to you or take any of the hurt and pain away.

Does this get easier with time - my answer is yes and no. There are periods when I can function normally - go to work, do my job, go shopping, etc. But there are all the sleepless nights, avoidance of social situations and wanting to seclude myself to be safe.

So - how has it affected the way I live? - I live alone - and have done for many years. I don't like visitors as I get anxious when my 'space' is not my own. I avoid, or at least, minimise any form of social interaction and I will always drive myself to 'events' so I have a 'wayout' if I do not feel comfortable. I prefer to work independently on things so as to not rely on others who I feel will let me down.Most of my life has been one of looking over my shoulder - waiting for the next 'hit' to come. I find I over-analyse every situation and always imagine the worst possible scenario. I definitely do not trust easily (or at all) and rarely get close enough to anyone to form any type of friendship. These are just a few of the ways I have been affected and live my life today. 

In the past, the most predominant strategy I have used to keep going is just that - keep going! I have thrown myself into things that have kept me busy and not allowed much time to think.

I have undertaken some counselling but have had to stop that of late because of the distress I have been under both knowing the session is coming up and also after the sessions. Now I am trying to rebuild myself gradually, do little things bit by bit that I enjoy and trying not to focus on what has become so consuming it is dangerous. 

This is by no means easy - and most days it does feel like for every step I take forward there is another step back - but there are somedays when there are only steps forward!!!!

What I can tell you is that the fact that you have opened yourself up here to talk about your experience in any way shows a great deal of strength, courage and trust. These are qualities within yourself that will help you with your internal battle in the future. The mere fact that you have had so much courage to disclose something so personal here speaks volumes about the strength you have within.

I truly admire your courage to disclose what you have and hope you are getting support to help you through this difficult time.

Thinking of you, and holding you in the light

Zoe 

[Former-Member]

hi @Former-Member

i very much know what you mean im also dealing with GAD, Depression, social phobia, and another event associated with PTSD, as well as greif and some family issues as well as physical conditions that im trying to manage.

im seeing a psychologist but they dont really know about this disclosure and i dont really want to to tell them that much id rather see if i can manage it on my own while im managing the gad, self harm and depression

[Former-Member]

hi @Zoe7

i dont feel courageous or anything but i do want to move forward. i also suffer from gad, depression and social phobia and another event associated with PTSD so really get how hard it is.

i find that i can function normally but i get really jumpy around arguments and males in general esp if i have to be around them by myslef that that includes gps etc so i just get females now which seems to take away some of the stress.

its extremely hard to cope and i have very minimal support in the home front so im pretty much doing it all on my own

[Former-Member]

I would say that it would help your psychologist to know @Former-Member and also that even if they know, it doesnt mean that you need to deal with it right then. I know at the moment I'm not working on it with with my psychologist, but we are working on managing anxiety, and recognising whats anxiety and how that affects how i perceive things. We've been working on other things as well, but not talking about any traumatic experiences... but i think by knowing she is able to see/understand better where my underlying beliefs about the world/anxieties come from and respond in a more targeted way... if that makes sense?
But at the end of the day, its your decision, and there's no timeline for you to make a decision or pressure. so be kind to you, take a break from thinking over it too much. I know i can get bogged down into thinking about a problem too much and for too long. So i try to distract myself iwth different things (usually work prep! Doh!)
lj

[Former-Member]

ive kinda meantioned it but i didnt really want to talk about it so she said thats fine. @Former-Member

at the moment we are working on my self harming then anxiety and how to manage it reduce it , mood stabilizing etx  then getting to one event of the ptsd eventually when im ready to talk about it and then probably this disclosure.

and yes it makes sense 🙂

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member I completely understand being uncomfortable around males and arguments. I alsowill only see female doctors - only females in any setting actually. I willnot be alone anywhere with a male. Just the other day I was about to get on an elevator and when the doors opened there was one man in there - I pretended I had forgotten something and waited for the next one - I found myself shaking and very anxious around something so small!

I am extremely lucky to have the extraordinary support of my GP (and my psychologist up until now) but aside from that I am also doing it in my own - with the exception of the people here on the forum. It is a very loney place to be but I have no other choice. There are certainly days when I just can't see forward and there are days when the past is all consuming - but I can say that being part of this community has 'held my hand' and kept me going. 

@Former-Member if you extend your hand for support here - you will receive that and so much more. You are not alone - we are with you 

[Former-Member]

yeah thats the same as me. i dont like it iin any setting whatsoever either.

yeah ive been doing it on my own as well.

i didnt know being 20 would be so hard. sometimes i dont really know if life is worth living anymore.

it just gets so hard!!

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member What I can say to you is that I have survived this for many, many years. They have not been easy years but I am still here - and there have been so many times I wished I wasn't and have tried to end it. I am definitely not in a position currently to say to you it will get better and everything will be ok - the fact is it is different for everyone - but I will say again - you do have a strength within you @Former-Member because you have had the courage, here, to disclose something so personal. It took me nearly half my life to tell anyone and I lived with that inside me, eating away a small piece of me everyday. So I believe that you have taken the first step - and a very important step to healing - and that is talking about it. This you will do in your own time and in your own way - but see it for yourself as what it is now - you are reaching out for support and you know that it is hard but also try to believe that there is a way through - because there are people who will listen and walk with you.