Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Appleblossom]

There is so much to deal with having a partner with mental illness.  I am usually very supportive of people who suffer, but also had to leave a relationship with someone who had diagnosis of schizophrenia and not doing the work re the illness.  When in triggering situations or episodes it often too difficult to have much influence, illnesses will run their course, best take a long term view.

Recently I had a BiPolar diagnosis and I do plenty of research and certainly dont use it as an excuse not to contribute to my living environment.  I do all work and bills. 

It is important to take the time to figure out the right balance in our individual relationships and you do care.  There are times when it is important to call things out.  I am getting there with my son.

[Sophie1]

@AppleblossomI just had a little quiet sook to myself just then about the whole car episode this week - funny how relieved I feel after letting a few tears out... I guess the learning will never stop 

[Appleblossom]

I can understand how frustrating it would be, when you are trying to do the right thing, and it seems as if she does not care, but she did at least do work when she could.

@Sophie1 

[Former-Member]

How are things @Sophie1

[Sophie1]

Hi @Former-Member 

Thx for checking in - it’s been a difficult week with more strange patterns within day ... My partner has been busy in garden and running errands during day and zombie exhausted again in evening time - appears drunk like  clumsy , no memory of it the next day or of anything discussed or agreed in evenings when she is like that ... I find it distressing to  see her like this and that it’s so regular 

she saw psychiatrist this week - he said it’s normal side effect for her meds and she needs to be aware of this ... but Also he said it’s partly because she is so unfit and trying to do too much ... she has agreed not to drive at night for now and I took bus home all week from work ... I’m a little anxious as we are visiting interstate her family for 5 days and they are the usual stressful group of folk complaining about each other incessantly to us ... I don’t think they realise how fragile my partner is and I really want to make sure I keep an eye on her and protect her 

[Former-Member]

@Sophie1

The driving is a tough one

*sighs* catching the bus another adjustment.  

One thing I did find helpful when visiting family was rather than hanging about at home, we would go somewhere - do day trips or other fave things, meet friends or relies for lunch at a nice cafe, go clothes shopping, look in antique shops, op shops etc.  

Holidays are difficult for Mr D and our last few trips have been awful  - he would come to bed anxious and crying, no intimacy, little joy.  We have a 3 day break booked soon in the hope that the shortness of it will make a difference but am thinking even this might be optimistic. 😢  

[Sophie1]

@Former-Member I have a breakfast planned and a dinner out ... and I’ve been nudging my partner that a walk along the beach would be lovely too ... oh and shopping at the discount shops with my partners sister as shopping is her way of bonding ...

The shortness of break for you and Mr D may help ... we came across a 4 day rule with relatives where first 4 days are always the best and after that it seems to descend into tension and arguments ... it does always seem to hold true

Oh and last night just before bed my partners mum have me instructions on what to say to the other siblings and dinner tonight regarding the dads mental state and medication ... I really don’t think it’s
My place to interfere - and if she wants to speak to them about it she should do it herself - I am deeply uncomfortable about parroting her words with no belief or understanding on my part ... sigh ... I will conveniently forget to bring it up

[Former-Member]

@Sophie1

Had not heard of the 4 day rule before but will certainly bear it in mind when planning trips.

Hope time away goes well for you.

[Former-Member]

@Sophie1 was thinking of you and your Sophietta today as Mr Darcy has been going hammer and tongs wanting to get our garden into shape.  He can't tell a plant from.a weed and today needed to be around for quality control. 

Am not sure if he is rapid cycling, having withdrawals or is on his way to relapse as he is discontinuing a drug due to adverse events (is still on one med). 

[Sophie1]

@Former-Member eeek not much fun wondering - I know the feeling - lately I have been trying to observe more the symptoms so I might learn the clues re the difference Between relapse vs rapid cycle vs normal energy bursts / exhaustion ... vs withdrawals ... I guess it’s different for everyone but for My partner the withdrawals have the runs with them and often nausea and horrible migraine headaches and dizziness ... whereas rapid cycling has the flurry of urgent non stop physical activity albeit a tad clumsy and then the crash phase in early evenings will have stumbling around, lack of self awareness and almost as if drunk - distinct motor and cognitive issues and impatience and dismissiveness and an urge to go to bed early - like at 7pm or earlier ... the next day there are always big memory gaps and no memory of many things done or spoken about the previous day during the peak high period particularly and also the following crash ... the beginning of the highs in the mornings are almost indistinguishable from normal behaviour .... relapse is a more ambiguous topic ... relapse into a state where clinic required or mood stabilisers or sedation is more indicated for my partner by reduction is hours of sleep for a week or more ... so the days start at 1am and gardening cooking starts then and goes until energy all gone and then a few hours sleep and then it all starts again ... this early early starts and descent into absolute rude behaviour to me (very dismissive) and lack of insight and rushed speech are our relapse signals and at that stage we are urgent psych appt zone and 24 hr supervision as I’ll be concerned for safety and potential silliness with power tools and driving and gas stove and another sign of relapse is excessive phone calls and texting To like everybody until they are even annoyed by it ... big sigh .... bit sad recounting all of this ... but that’s how it is I guess and that’s the stuff I’ve noticed so far ... so now recently we are watching for sleep duration and stopping activities in the day before stupid levels of exhaustion kick in — desperately trying to pace her activity and stress levels so she doesn’t relapse or need more meds - uppers or downers !!! Hope this helps ..... pls ask anything you want ... maybe your signs are totally different ????