Lived Experience Forum

[Zoe7]

Yes Hon @Snowie How has your weekend been?

[Snowie]

Hasn't been a good weekend @Zoe7 . I am so upset with myself. I SH for the first time in ages and everything seems to have got on top of me again. 

[Zoe7]

That is not good @Snowie but don't be hard on yourself for doing that -  as we sometimes revert to old behaviours when things are not going so well. You have been doing so much better but your appointment the other day certainly brought up a lot of stuff for you so it is no wonder you have needed to find an outlet for all that.

[Snowie]

It's not just the psych session the other day @Zoe7 I feel like things are getting so out of hand and I have no way of controlling them anymore. H has been ignoring me too and spent most of the weekend out even though he was the one who wanted me to communicate with him more. How can I do that when he is avoiding me. And to make things worse, I have SI starting to creep back into my head.

Sorry just having a rant.

[Zoe7]

Rant away @Snowie Whatever helps to get it out. I can see why you would be annoyed with hubby - especially if he wants you to communicate more to him but he isn't there to do it. That is super tough Hon. The SI creeping in is not a good sign - can you contact your psych and see if you can get an appointment this week to talk through why this is happening. Of course we are here for you too and more than happy to talk through this with you and let you unload on us too.

[Snowie]

I have an appointment already this week with my psych. I emailed him before to let him know too what was happening. Things were going so good too, I hate the feeling of everything going backwards.

I'm trying to distract myself so I don't do anything else...

I'm struggling though

[Zoe7]

Glad you have an appointment this week and that you have emailed him already @Snowie that shows me you are thinking ahead and that is a good thing.

Here and listening Hon so if distraction is what you need then happy to help you with that.

I have done a lot of housework today - far more than I thought I would do as I was very tired this morning - got my second wind mid afternoon and have done all the washing I planned to do plus a few other things.

[Snowie]

Sounds like you have accomplished a lot today @Zoe7 , well done hun. I got some washing done but that was it today.

H has just gone out again to a friends house so won't see him for the rest of the night now 

Have been trying to deal with flashbacks most of the day. PRN didn't even help

[Zoe7]

Do you have any idea why you have been having flashbacks today @Snowie I know they are often triggered by the smallest things that most people would think are insignificant. Sometimes if you can put your finger on what started them you can work through why you are having them - but I also know that is harder said than done most of the time.

I have got a lot done today but still need to do a few more things before I settle in for the night - it is nearly time for me to take my night meds so won't get too much more done though. It is good that you have done a little washing - you are still doing the mundane things that we need to do - it is boring though hey!

Not happy with your hubby going out when you need him there - he needs to know how you are feeling but you can't do that while he is not there - very much feeling for your frustration there Hon 

[Snowie]

It is what it is @Zoe7 , I can't do anything about H. He has been in a mood for days. I wouldn't tell him about the Sh, he would probably just get angrier with me.

I don't know what has brought on the flashbacks, I can't put my finger on anything in particular. They have been creeping up the last few days and seem to be getting worse and worse. 

Glad you have got a lot done. Time to settle down with Toby and Cat.