Lived Experience Forum

[Angels333]

 Hey @Molliex  @Maggie @outlander @Shaz51 

@Former-Member 

I'm really lost at the moment, I  used self harm yesterday, I feel like I am so bad, everything seems to be going bad atm.

I'm going to head out for a swim even though I am so tired.

I feel SH is such a lonely journey it's not okay to talk about in general society.

[Maggie]

@Angels333  I hope your swim helps a little.

It is a lonely, and misunderstood journey. I’m sorry you are on this road. You can only do the best you can. You are certainly doing that.

Sending 💙💙💙💙💙

[Molliex]

Hi @Angels333 - firstly, you are not bad. Please try and show yourself for kindness. You haven't used SH in such a long time. Using it again doesn't mean you have failed or you're bad. It's a rollercoaster, 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Today is another day, as is tomorrow.

Since it's been such a long time, can you identify what triggered you? Is there anything you can do to avoid/lessen the trigger?

Here for you ❤️

[Former-Member]

@Angels333  😢💓

[Snowie]

Hi @Angels333 \Can understand how you feel. I don't tell either because I feel bad and ashamed of myself. Also it is a hard topic to talk about.

[Owlunar]

Hi @Snowie 

I read on another thread that you feel really bad right now and can't get an appointment for around a month which is not good - 

I read that you feel bad and stupid - bad I understand but why stupid? - is that because your thoughts are so negative right now or because you can't get an appointment?

Because you seem stuck right now and that's bad but not stupid - so I am not at all sure why you feel stupid - please don't - no need to

You wonder - I think - is this all there is because things are so bad right now - actually - I think that January can do this to people - so many services are unavailable at this time of year and it can get very bleak and lonely

Regardless of your reason I have heard you - I care - 

Dec

[Snowie]

Hi @Owlunar 

Thanks for your reply.

I guess I feel stupid for feeling the way I do. I know its not probably good to judge ourselves but we seem to do that so easily sometimes 

I think you are right - a lot of people struggle around this time. My psych is that constant support I have so when I don't have it I struggle.

But she deserves holidays as much as anyone else does!!

Problem is that it is hard to get into her when she gets back because others need her too. 

Keeping all inside is a struggle too - no voice to say it out loud (but I won't go into that again)

Thank you for hearing

I hope your day is going well

[Owlunar]

Hi @Snowie 

I have been feeling better over the last few days - it helps so much that my GP is bac from holidays

Yes - they need holidays but there is no need for us to feel as if we can't feel as bad as we do because people need holidays and when they come back they are flat out with others who need them - we are allowed to feel bad - and it's not stupid - it's really very ordinary

I have felt a bit cheesed off with so many people off at the same time - I think it was worse because I had asthma from the smoke and hayfever as well - other things that everyone has - and I think it's okay to feel bad but not okay to feel stupid. I'm sorry you feel that way but I also acknowledge that you do - 

I have been doing research into why so many women feel badly about themselves and it seems to me that it's historical - generations of women have been teaching their daughters that they are not okay - stupid - told to suck it up - offer it up - and no - I did not teach my daughter that

It's really hard to break patterns like that - I guess I have my work cut out for me to examine such a puzzle and find a solution. 

All the best - when you see your doctor then insist on another appointment - you might not get it but it will feel better if you speak your mind - calmly

Dec

[Snowie]

@Owlunar 

I am glad you didn't teach your daughter that way. I hope that I am raising my daughter in the same way, definitely not the way I was raised which was a lot of criticism, especially about my weight. Mmm, wonder why I have an issue with it now.

I guess all we can do is try to raise our children with values, morals and unconditional love. I hope that raising my children will bring change.

I am glad the last few days have been better for you.

I think you articulate yourself very eloquently. I often read what you write on many threads and can see so much knowledge in your writing. Keep being you.

[Angels333]

I agree with @Snowie , you write so well @Owlunar 💜💜