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Something’s not right

Serenity1
Senior Contributor

So it's happened again! 😭

This morning dropping my daughter off at school she has a different teacher on Mondays than the rest of the week-

this teacher has been absent for three weeks-

during those 3 weeks I was communicating w the school via email regarding the horrific bullying situation my daughter is in & this teacher was cc into some important emails-

first time IV seen her today since the emails were sent AND I had the horrific meeting w principal where I felt he was not addressing the bullying issue & it was all twisted @& placed back onto me like it was my fault - causing a really strong negative reaction 

the teacher today physically prevented me from entering the classroom- like I do on every single day. 

She hurried my daughter inside & stopped me from entering saying "hurry up, come on quickly "- etc. 

i was stopped from escorting my daughter to her seat & helping her sit up & prepare for the day like I do every day-

my daughter asked " why aren't you allowed in today mummy "- I said I didn't know- my daughter came back over to the door to hand me a flower she had picked on the way to school- the teacher ran up behind her & ushered her away from me & would not let us have contact- repeating " hurry up come on " etc- giving the impression I was disturbing the class-

class had not started yet & other students were freely walking in & out of the room. 

Then THREE other parents arrived with their kids & were allowed to escort their kids to the seats & help them set up for the day & settle in- I watched them do this from outside the classroom door- the teacher was stood in the middle of the room & did not move to separate them from their kids or hurry them along. 

I should have entered the room at this stage - & approached my daughter to help her- but I was in shock. 

I am now being treated differently by this teacher as a direct result of sticking up for my daughter from getting hurt & bullied by another child at school. 

This is EXACTLY the same situation that happened at previous school. 

I do not know how much more of this I can take- I literally have done nothing wrong & am being targeted & treated differently/ badly, ostracised, & excluded 

My heart is hurting- my soul is tired of this it just goes on& on & never seems to stop. 

I feel I am walking on eggshells & surpressing my emotions which are going to burst any minute. 

Today after dropping my daughter off I have been in uncontrollable tears, feel physically sick & an absolute wreck -on helpline all morning as a direct result of the teacher interaction with me this morning.

Mall I want is to help set my daughter up for the day at her desk ( like IV always done)- feeling as secure & confident in herself as possible because there is a child in the room who has hurt her on more than one occasion-& I am now being  prevented from doing that by the teacher physically not allowing me to enter the room & dragging my daughter away from me. 

I cannot fathom how any human being- let alone a person in authority like a teacher can be so cruel, hurtful & spiteful- it does not make sense. 

& this situation just is never ending- I am completely exhausted 

5 REPLIES 5

Re: So it's happened again! 😭

ughgh @Serenity1 , this seems like an impossible situation and mess.  I don't understand why this teacher would do this and discriminate against you.  I hope you feel a little better after talking to someone on a helpline. 

 

I would consider talking to or emailing the principal about this teachers behaviour.  It's not fair on you or your daughter.  If anything they should be more supportive of you rather than doing the opposite and isolating you.  I'd be so mad if I were you.  

 

I encourage you to keep trying and not get to down about all this.  

 

Sending you some love and energy your way.

Re: So it's happened again! 😭

@Serenity1  sorry you have to go through all of this. something i hate to say but have you heard of the term 'vexatious litigant'? ( a person who persistantly seeks legal action without sufficent grounds)  now i am NOT saying you are one but it seems to me and granted i am not there so cant say anything for sure, but perhaps the school is considering you to be someone like that. again you may have perfectly good reasons to have concerns BUT the school may be viewing this like a "boy who cried wolf" situation where they think you are making a fuss for what ever reason. now we all know playground bullying is very hard to prove/disprove so when a parent is concerned and continues to bring up and issue with the school, without any "proof" (in terms of what the school deems proof) then they may stop listening to that parent. now i dont mean to say you shouldnt stick up for your child but i would suggest you pick your battles very carefully so that it doesnt look like you are crying wolf. you may not be and you could be completely right but you have to make sure that whenever you do pursue these issues you have an attack plan so that you come off as a perfectly credible source. I would suggest making notes of all the incidents and keeping track of them like date and time is happened and a few details and then you can do 2 things.

1. have a good idea of how often it is happening and how and perhaps why

2. have a record to keep track of time so you can know that the school has had enough time to deal with the issue. 

 

once you have these things and you have collected them over a period of a few months then perhaps try and sort out how to approach the school. of course if your child is not safe then by all mean do what you need to but (and all of this is just a suggestion and my own opinion) it seems like perhaps you need to sit back and observe for a bit so that when you go in to ask for the school to help you know exactly what the issues are and what you need from the school so that they get one strong and clear message. 

 

bullying is also very hard for a school to deal with they can only do so much and while in this case i do agree the teacher was being unreasonable but you never know what kind of home the other kid who has been causing the issues is from. they could come from a bad home and be being taught the wrong ways to behave which if it is coming from home would be hard for the school to correct quickly as they only have the kids for 6 hours and have to manage a whole class. the other thing you could do is if you do know the other childs parents or if the school was willing to sit and talk with the parents and the teachers together to try and come up with a solution but again i would do this after gathering evidence. 

sorry this was so long and sorry you have having such a hard time finding the right environment for you and your child.  

Re: So it's happened again! 😭

No I haven't heard that term before- but it is highly likely that that is how they see me-( although IV never got legal advice- IV been advised too tho)-

i have had an advocate helping me in dealing with the current school every step of the way- she has helped me with every email IV sent proof reading it for me, taking out the emotion & helping me word it correctly.

I have also followed the correct protocol every step of the way. I have been overly cautious about how I have handled the situation because of the way I was treated at the last school. ( where I didn't have the advocates help- so can acknowledge that my emotional responses didn't help the situation- but being ignored by the principal & told my daughter was "making it up for attention " was only adding fuel to the fire of my anxiety & making the situation so much worse as it was not being resolved only escalating)-

i have ignored several incidents in fear of bringing it up incase I was treated like this again. 

There have been things written in the minutes of my meeting w teacher that were completely incorrect- & that I did not say- such as- teacher wrote: " mother agrees incident is not bullying " which I did not EVER say- referring to when my daughter was physically hurt-I held off & did not correct this wrong statement for fear of being treated like this. 

I have taken every Step necessary to handle this situation in the correct manor & held my tongue on many occasions when I SHOULD have spoken up. 

This is why I am so frustrated because no matter what I do I am not being treated accordingly to my actions. 

I'm sure you are probably right. They have a preconceived idea about me from the previous school.  Where the Principal was very malicious when I stated I MIGHT make a complaint against him & he was not in a permanent position but waiting to hear if he was getting the job- so he could not have that happen. I believe the two principals have spoken-( they may not have- just a feeling)-

They are not handling the situation correctly- my child came home & told me she was physically hurt by another student- this has absolutely nothing to do with the previous bullying or school- different school different child, I wasn't even there -& they are lumping it all into one- it is irrelevant what happened at the previous school- they are not addressing the situation presenting now. 

& even if that is how they think of me- which is probably correct- I have done nothing to cause them to think that way about me except advocate for my child- it is unfortunate she was hurt by another child but am I supposed to ignore that?

regardless of how they think of me they should not treat me the way I was treated this morning- it is unprofessional & cruel & has no impact other than distressing my daughter & myself. @Eden1919 

 

Re: So it's happened again! 😭

Thankyou so much @Gazza75 for the love & energy sent - I could really use it at the moment. 💖
It is completely unfair I agree with everything you have said & I am absolutely dumbstruck as to why she treated not only me but more importantly my daughter like that this morning- it just doesn't make sense.
It is so upsetting & I'm afraid there is nothing I can do about it because I am scared if I do mention anything to principal I will be seen as a problem parent which is how I'm sure they are already seeing me- although I know in my heart I have done not one single thing wrong or deserve to be treated this way. It's so disappointing.
I do feel better after talking to the helplines bcos they completely understand where I am coming from & tell me it is so so wrong. I would not be able to get through this situation without the helplines & kindness & support of yourself & others on here.
Thankyou so much, again I REALLY appreciate it & it is so helpful 💖

Re: So it's happened again! 😭

@Serenity1  yes i agree the way they have handled it is not right. they should take every concern from parents seriously and should at the very least look into it. it is very hard because schools are always trying to keep up apperances because their financials depend on it but sometimes that comes at a cost to the student. I remember one boy who moved to my high school moved because he was getting bullied and was told by the principal of his old school that if he didnt want to be being bullied then he should have not made himself an easy target. things like this are not ok but they do happen and when they do i always find it best to act with caution which i am sure you have already been doing. i am not sure what kind of school your daughter goes to and of course another move might not be possible but if it did get to that point and if i were you I would do a serious background check on the schools and make sure you went to one with strong bullying policies. it also depends on the state you live in and what their policies around school enrolments are. but if the school is not recieving a lot of funding then it is likely that they wont want to look to have problems as well as having a lot of other issues to contend with. but even still it is up to the staff to create a safe and engaging environment for all the students, teachers lately though are not recieving as much training as they used to and a lot quit in the first year which adds to the burden of an already struggling system. I am not sure what the solution to your problems is but if it were me I would take some time and have a big think about what to do next, schools are in a sense like a bureaucracy, it is never one persons fault and there is always a scramble to find out where in the line the cog came loose. but as a result it is always difficult to find someone to take responsiblity and without that it is hard to make changes. 

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