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17-04-2018 10:02 PM
17-04-2018 10:02 PM
Spiritual Emptiness
Spiritual Emptiness
Sometimes I feel like I'm not a part of this universe. I'm a human experiencing brainwaves and I've lost touch with what it means be a live as a person. I experience emotions like happiness, and anger. Things pass and go, but there seems to be missing a fulfilment. I feel like I don't exist, I don't have a soul, that I'm simultaneously dead and a live like a schroedinger's cat. I have fear, and anger residing inside me while I'm doing activities, I was applying for jobs two weeks ago, and I just had so much apathy about the work force. I just felt nihilistic and disinterested. I don't know if this is depression, or mania.
Its like I can "pretend" to be a functioning human, but at the end of the day I feel like I could break out into a stress induced episode from "pretending" to function so much in society. Potentially causing harm to myself or others. I'm seeing a Psychologist at the moment, and he is good, its been the first session and I've spoken to 8 mental health and medical professionals in order to sort out myself. Four Doctors, 3 Psychologists, 1 Psychiatrist. The instability has partly ruptured my ability to really enjoy and appreciate life, I've spoken to my friends about these issues, and my family has been trying to help me, but there is something in me that wants to give up. There is a part of me that thinks, maybe its just not meant to be, maybe the excruciating emotional pain will be permanent and no amount of meditation or medication will help. I was taking a mood stabiliser as prescribed by the Psychiatrist for a week and it just ruined the way my body was functioning, creating tiredness and also severe diarrhea and depersonalisation.
I'm seeking something more, sort of past life regression, hypnosis, or talking to spirits. I know this sounds weird and unscientific, and possibly even delusional. But I feel like what the material earth has is not providing me with the answers that I'm searching for.
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18-04-2018 12:54 AM
18-04-2018 12:54 AM
Re: Spiritual Emptiness
Einstein knew that science was not everything. The spritual journey is unique and personal. IMO psychiatry is not as well suited as psychotherapy for looking at such things, but a lot depends on the practitioner.
Good Luck
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18-04-2018 07:16 AM
18-04-2018 07:16 AM
Re: Spiritual Emptiness
@thecreativemuso Good morning thecreativemuso. My thoughts often whirl around in my head/space particularly my memories and trying to train them in is almost impossible so much so I put them in the too hard basket. Function in society is hard when you have a mind which is taking on the universe. My mind has been alot better since I have been on medication which is one of the evil reasons why I am staying on it even though I hate the meds with a passion.
Don't despair you are not alone. As they say there is more to life than heaven and earth.
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18-04-2018 09:41 AM - edited 20-04-2018 04:13 PM
18-04-2018 09:41 AM - edited 20-04-2018 04:13 PM
Re: Spiritual Emptiness
I can't add much onto what is already said except of my own personal experience of feeling unfilled and empty in the past. It does touch on an undeveloped spiritual side and all can feel like this as some stage in their lives - they just don't realise why as it comes deep from within. A lack of meaning and purpose in our lives = unfillment as we all have a reason for being here and that feeling drives us to search for it. Finding the latter I have found fills that void. For me it was helping others. Finding where we belong - the reason we are here. And we all have one if we choose it.
When it comes to feeling like giving up, thinking that things will get worse in the future and no treatment or therapy, options etc will ever work in future, is called "catastrophe thinking". Believing and thinking the worst case scenario. That causes a lot of anxiety, dread and apathy. Perhaps talking about this in therapy to address and apply therapy that helps that thinking around to a mor positive outlook will help you.
Sometimes the side effects of medications can make us feel worse until we adjust to them. But if your symptoms keep happening after 6 weeks or so they may need revising. Hoping you feel better soon.
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18-04-2018 11:56 PM - edited 30-04-2018 03:46 AM
18-04-2018 11:56 PM - edited 30-04-2018 03:46 AM
Re: Spiritual Emptiness
I recommend you keep from occultism and unclean spirits to keep from the strange fears and obstacles they bring.
I really liked the experience of Jesus' blood.