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Something’s not right

Eden1919
Senior Contributor

Stuck

I feel very stuck which is strange because outwardly my life looks quite the opposite. Inside though I feel trapped like I am stuck on a roller coaster and unable to move or get off the ride. I feel like I am hovering on the edge of having a breakdown and I can neither breakdown and go over nor can I take a step back to somewhere more comfortable. Internally I feel like I am screaming but I have to be fine on the outside because I have to keep up this front or my outward freedom will too be gone and I will be both physically and mentally trapped inside of a cage I can not escape from. I knew this would happen and that I would feel like this but I thought I could accept it better, I suppose it isn’t like I have a choice I will accept it regardless of if I can or not. Nothing in my life is to be free everything is a trade or exchange. Either way this is my fault I am stuck in my own mess and I suppose I am being ungrateful. 

3 REPLIES 3
Teej
Community Elder

Re: Stuck

Hi 👋🏻 @Eden1919 

Just wanted to say that I identified with the feeling you are talking about. It's like waiting for the storm to come even though there isn't any storms forecast. 

Eden1919
Senior Contributor

Re: Stuck

@Teej  Yes it is a bit like that being ready and waiting to evacuate from a huge storm but you never end up going. 

Re: Stuck

I've had a similar stuck feeling being trapped in my old career which was unreliable casual work sometimes and not being able to apply for anything else. And I blamed myself for this, its an awful feeling and depression came with it plus a hospital admission. I try these days to remember something a good friend once told me is that depression lies to us, its terribly convincing at the time but most of the time its lies not truth that we are told.

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