Lived Experience Forum

[soppykat]

Hi guys,

i wasted my school life and two years of university trying to be like my friends - ie. all successful and smart and whatnot.  Then after I fell mentally ill, I wasted a lot more time trying to study other things and trying to see how many jobs I could get in the shortest amount of time.  

This post has just reminded me what a waste of time most of my life has been.  I was a smart girl with big ambitions, but they fell down really badly.  i feel like my life has been a big waste of time.  i am 37 years old now.  i could have moved cities by now to start a new life and such, but i coudlnt afford it, and the thinking about it stressed me out.

i have also spent more than 6 months of my life as a patient in the psych ward (7x visits).  ...i guess some people have better lives or something i dont know - sometimes i just dont give a shit anymore either 😞

[Dimity]

Hi @soppykat 

I wrote a long reply but there was an error and it didn't post.

I went through the revolving doors of admissions til in my 40s. At 37 you have the luxury of looking forward as well as back, and maybe strengthening your aims by also seeing what you'd like to avoid.

New starts are tempting but jobwise didn't always work for me. I worked hard but sometimes stuffed up badly and I don't know how I kept working.

My psychologist wanted me to list achievements that would make me feel good but personally I don't think a life is measured by buying a red car or going on an overseas trip. And comparing yourself with people free of MI doesn't make sense, though I guess they'd have their own problems. Sure I regret my lost studies but I regret lost friends and relationships more. I  suspect holding onto some self respect despite stigma and depression is the key, but I don't have the answers to that yet.