Lived Experience Forum

[Pinkflower]

Hi guys,

I feel guilty coming here again when I need support and not really contributing to others when I'm doing ok, so I hope people don't mind me posting again. I am going through a depressive phase at the moment of my mood disorder and I'm finding it especially hard because I was well for nearly 2 years. And I was weaned off my antidepressant and now I'm feeling very low. I've spoken to my psychiatrist and GP, I've been referred to a psychologist and have an appointment tomorrow. I'm increasing my mood stabiliser as per my psychiatrist, but he said it could take 3 weeks to work and I tried explaining that I don't want to feel this bad for another 3 weeks. I'm not unsafe, just unmotivated and crying all the time. I was offered an admission (privately) but I don't want to take it as I don't really see the point and I would have to take time off work and I feel like work is keeping me going right now. I also don't feel like I could go back to that hospital as I was there two years ago when I was extremely unwell and I was an absolute jerk and ended up being transferred to the public hospital. I'm so ashamed of how I acted then. 

I think compounding how I'm feeling, is just this intense feeling of loneliness. I had a lot of friends from being in hospital a lot, and now I've moved away from that I've kind of realised what messy, co-dependent relationships they were that were keeping us all really sick. I've realised I have very few friends and compounding that is that I haven't been able to see the ones that I do have with covid restrictions. But I also might be feeling it more because I'm feeling so low. 

I don't even know what will make me feel better. I'm just angry that I'm doing everything "right", I take my medication religiously and exercise, eat properly, make myself leave my house for something every single day, and I still feel awful.

[nashy]

Hey there @Pinkflower thank you for your post. You are always welcome here. We're here to listen and support you, it's understandable to not always feel you can offer up strategies when you are in pain, so don't worry about that  It is so great you have been able to recognise that work is a really solid contributor to your recovery. Right there you've identified something that is working really well. There can be and will be other things in your life that give you a sense of purpose and contentment Weaning off drugs is certainly not a fun experience, it takes an incredibly strong person to be able to work through that and continue working, exercising and eating well. How long have you been engaging in all of these activites? That in itself is something to reflect on. Loneliness is hard, I am sorry to hear you're feeling that. Right here, you are amongst friends. Friends come in so many forms, and we can help you with insight on how to formulate further connections off the forums too. Please keep us updated and feel free to keep sharing as you like  Speak soon.

[Snowie]

Hi @Pinkflower 

Please don't feel guilty for coming on here for support. This is what the forums are for. There are times when we can give support but more often then not, people come on here seeking support, reasurrance, comfort and others to relate too.

I am glad you have an appointment for tomorrow with a psychologist, I really hope it helps (even just a little) and you can access another support system to help you through these tough times.

It sounds like you are doing everything to try and help yourself and I would keep encouraging you to do those things. Unfortunately meds can take some time to work and I know I have felt the same. Have done everything right but still felt extremely low.

Please feel free to tag me or anyone else by just putting a @ infront of their name.

Take care @Pinkflower 💌💌

[Maggie]

@Pinkflower  Echoing what @nashy @Snowie  have said, we are here to support where we can, no strings attached.

I’m sorry you’ve hit a low spot in your journey. But like the others have already said, you are doing everything you possibly can.

Regarding the hospital admission and the events that followed, we all do things we wouldn’t normally do when we are really unwell. Professionals understand.

I just dropped by to say hi. 💞💞💞

[Lostandalone]

@Pinkflower 

I too echo what @Maggie @Snowie @nashy have said....

never feel bad about asking for help and needing to talk.. it is the first step towards healing

there are so many fabulous people who are here to support you... who will listen when you need to talk... or will just virtually sit with you when you don't want to talk