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Something’s not right

Serenity1
Senior Contributor

ruin everything I touch



ruin everything I touch
I literally feel like I ruin everything I touch.
Spent hours carefully writing an email to new Principal with the backstory of how the past two years my daughters teachers have mistreated her, not explained her maths so she is two years behind, withheld homework from her, withheld prizes stickers & awards, but freely gave to the rest of the class,were physically agrressive with her on three occasions leading her to have anxiety about even looking at a teacher- I gave examples of other children who had the same exact experiences one boy has anxiety so badly from the teacher his mother believes he has a speech impediment, another girl got injured by this teacher being aggressive  - I managed to remain detached & unemotional focusing on my daughters schooling & emotional health-
Principal sent me a very supportive & empathic reply asking to meet- I shed a tear because I finally felt supported----------/& then Of course I replies when I first wake up, aren't thinking clearly & rushed & get paranoid about the teacher who verbally abused me & then spread rumours about me so that the entire staff looked at me with smirks like I was the problem--so I tell him if he happens to read the notes she left on my file not to believe everything he reads& I have acted with dignity & respect- blah blah-/ he probably was not going to even read the notes who knows- but now he has not replied to me & I'm sure he certainly has read them now! & I feel like I stuffed up- he was backing me- I put my foot in it now there is static, white noise from him, nothing, zero, zip, & once again I have ruined everything I touch. I don't know why I bother



9 REPLIES 9

Re: ruin everything I touch

Hey @Serenity1. It sounds like you did really well with the email. It's not easy to write about things that bring up so much emotion and it seems like you were listened to and supported which is great.

I think it can take time and practice (and a whole lot of effort!) to stop ourselves from 'reacting' rather than 'responding' to situations, as it sounds you may have done with the second email. It's OK to have a moment and maybe not get it so right. I dont think you've ruined anything, though I can understand how it might feel like that and how you might be worried.

Sometimes when I'm finding myself really stressed or second guessing myself about something, I try to remember that I can't know for sure what someone else is thinking. Maybe the principal is busy. Maybe he would prefer to talk with you in person. Maybe he is looking further into things. Maybe he doesn't think much at all about the second email... There are countless reasons he may not have replied. It can be really hard to sit with uncertainty but perhaps it isn't as bad as you think.

I get how situations like this can lead you to 'why bother?'. That is a question I ask myself often when my communication goes a bit wonky and it seems like I'm getting nowhere or getting somewhere I don't want to go (like the giant hole I seem to be able to dig for myself frequently!). I think we bother when something really matters to us. In this instance it is a huge one for you - your daughter and her safety and education. Something like that would test many of us!

Were you able to organise a time to meet with the principal? If so, do you have anyone you could ask to come with you to support you?

Thinking of you and hoping you were able to settle some of those thoughts and worries last night ❤

Re: ruin everything I touch

@Serenity1  i am not sure which state/teritory you are in but in some of them you dont have to go to your local school and can go somewhere else. if there are multiple teachers with issues especially when there is injuries happening i would think that is a red flag for a poorly managed staff. not to say any one person is to blame but if the teachers are so bold chances are they have been doing this for a while and getting away with it. which makes me inclined to think that the managment already knows about this issue and has either not dealt with it or doesnt know how. if possible maybe consider changing schools if it gets bad but you can always give the principal a few days and he might be doing something but waiting on someone else before he replies to you. 

Re: ruin everything I touch

@Eden1919 - thanks for the info I'll try respond properly later-- just on way out-- but I will say the principal saw me this morning with other parents & children waiting outside of class- he walked passed & said good morning to the other parents- yet ignored me- then as we all walked into the classroom he was standing inside the door & greeted everyone except me-- "Hello Scarlet"- he said to the girl directly infront of me- but just looked at me & looked away- then kept greeting people coming in behind me- I had a breakdown crying when I got home.

Re: ruin everything I touch

@Serenity1  thats not very nice at all and unprofessional i would try and find another school if that is an option of course if your daughter has good friends there and doesnt want to move then that is understandable. but sometimes when orgainzations are faced with a "problem client" they will close ranks and do everything they can to hide their own faliure. i suspect this may be happening with you. if they think you are likely to complain and make thier lives harder they will do what they can to make sure that doesnt happen be that ignoring you or excluding you from school events for some reason that is all eaiser to them than actually dealing with their own faults. to me it sounds like if you try and fight for you and your daughter in this situation they will put up a fight back and it is up to you to decide what is worth your energy and time to fight with. but of coruse i am not in this situation so i cant say anything for sure but from your description it seems like an agency trying to cover up their mess. 

Re: ruin everything I touch

Hey @Serenity1,

I can’t imagine how stressful this situation is as a mum trying to support your daughter, where you and some other parents have serious concerns about the behaviour of some teachers. It is so fantastic you emailed the principal to outline your concerns! Focusing on your daughter’s schooling and the impact on her that you are observing sounds like a great way to go.

It is so tough in these situations having to wait for a response and not knowing what is happening behind the scenes. It sounds like that interaction at school this morning made you really worried.

I’d just like to echo @CheerBear in thinking that we don’t know what the principal is thinking at this point or what he is doing in response to your original email. There are so many possibilities. The worst-case scenario might be them becoming defensive, but on the other hand his original email was empathetic and he wanted to meet, which sounds positive.  

I hope you continue to feel supported from the forums around this difficult situation,

Tortoiseshell

Re: ruin everything I touch

@Serenity1 

I can understand you feeling the judging and excluding behaviour of the principal and being hurt.

Smiley Sad

@Eden1919 @CheerBear Gave really helpful replies.

Smiley Happy

Dont let it beat you. Face the fact that the principal is not in your camp ... for whatever reason ... we cannot know all the reasons .. or his biases.

 

Self care and Care of the young are primary.  Fight for your rights in the most canny way.  Eden is right about the different schools. Whether you change immediately or wait is up to you.  

 

One of the ways I managed to overcome the schizophrenia in my family is that I started out early in life to be very analytical about what happened to me AND what happened to them.  I worked out what was accidental, deliberate, due to ignorance or malice etc etc.  After a long time I worked out that I had the same rights as others and began to fight for that.

 

Maybe you need a shield like warrior Athena or an Interior Castle or Sacred Cave ....

See what holds me together is that stuff has been coming out in the news for the last 20 years that backs up a little scribble in my dad's file about his being raped and the closing of ranks against him ... now Pell is in trouble ... and my mother made me kneel down and kiss cardinals' rings quite a few times.  I never even knew they were a symbol of love from a boy to a girl .... thats my crazy life ... telling snippets to give you courage ... I know you feel the chips are down.

Dont doubt your experience.  Take Care

 

Re: ruin everything I touch

Thanks @CheerBear - he asked in email could I meet him?- I replied with all of that stuff about not believing what was said as it was untrue-& of course I can meet only on Thursday hope this was ok for him- he most likely checked the files then! Didn't reply about meeting Thursday- saw this morning & treated me different to everyone else present. When I get home I rang a helpline in distress & told the lady-- she started to get annoyed with me & told me to have some dignity!

Re: ruin everything I touch

@CheerBear so sorry I went to rewrite a reply to you- as I realised the one I posted was not very good & just me venting- as I was really in a bad head space at the time I sent it & feeling very weird- but it did not go through 😁 Also there is no option to delete a post if you want to which is annoying!- thankyou for your very helpful comments that I took on board & will try to reply to properly 💖

Re: ruin everything I touch

Hey @Serenity1. Catching up on notifications from yesterday and caught this post above. I just wanted to say that I think it's very OK to vent and I totally get how being in a bad headspace can make things tricky! I reckon I'd be pretty lost without a venting space and the awesome listening and understanding that happens here ❤

I hope being able to share how things are going for you here is helpful for you. I feel less alone for doing that 🙂
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