Something’s not right
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09-11-2019 11:01 PM
09-11-2019 11:01 PM
Re: why can't I cope longer?
Yes life is hard, for us both (I think) @Former-Member
What your bro said is just horrible, totally unacceptable. It would really hurt, & is no irrational (& uncaring).
My baby Java finches are so cute - with their little heads all poking out through the nestbox hole.
They're very curious about what's outside - one almost fell out, whilst looking out.
It was so hot today (40C), it knocked me for six - plus my neighbour's Boom Boom speakers (all day) driving me nuts.
Now they're having an all-night party (No thanks).
I hosed the 3 aviary roofs, to cool the birds down - I don't want to lose those baby Javas (or any birds).
My bro is in a bad state, since going home. They did not provide any extra support.
He has extensive scarring, & is losing mobility & body flexibility (as a result) - just as I feared.
I should chase him up (contact) - I've been so exhausted, that I just haven't.
My fatigue is worse in Summer, or as the weather heats up - my body just cannot deal with it.
My family - or relatives I call them, because I don't consider them family. They're totally weird.
My Mum in particular, does not take responsibility for anything she did (as a parent) - even though it was emotionally abusive. Severe childhood neglect, my Psych calls it (plus SA, EA, & PhysA).
Have a good night, I've goto go to bed (even if I don't sleep from neighbour's noise).
Hugs (((())))
Adge
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09-11-2019 11:36 PM - edited 10-11-2019 01:40 AM
09-11-2019 11:36 PM - edited 10-11-2019 01:40 AM
Re: why can't I cope longer?
Love that you have baby Java finches bringing you joy @Adge. Good idea hosing down the aviaries re heat 👍
Hope those ignorant selfish neighbour's + Boom Boom speakers give it a rest soon. What a pain.
Yes, I think you should ring your brother briefly, let him know he's not forgotten, even if there's not much you can do. I understand the reluctance to get involved.
Pitty the heat gets to you so bad, can you move south? or the high country? It was only max of 14 here today, really cold wind.
That's a great idea... calling them mere "relatives" when they don't act like family. Gonna adopt that one 🤔👍
My mum was like yours by the sounds, scared everyone. But her passing last year seems to have ignited some strange behaviours in my brother's.
My sister wanted full control of dad and the estate, wouldnt even consider JOINT guardianship with me. Apparently she "can't stand me" go figure... So, she shot herself in the foot and quite peeved that I made sure PUBLIC TRUSTEE have control instead for everyones sake. So sick of them.
I'm sorry your family damaged you too Adge 💜
Have a good night (ear plugs)
(((Hugs))) back atchya 💜
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10-11-2019 12:10 AM
10-11-2019 12:10 AM
Re: why can't I cope longer?
@Former-Member 💐💕
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10-11-2019 07:35 PM
10-11-2019 07:35 PM
Re: why can't I cope longer?
@Former-Member @Adge hey so sorry your families are difficult. It is very tough situations. Mine is as well. Still try to recover from the intrusions my father did to me. The symptoms fluctuate . Feel vulnerable and sad often. And sort of broken in a broken family.Just resting by myself. It is good that I feel kind of safe for the night. @Former-Member you are so strong.lol admire you. @Adge really glad to hear your birds. Take care for the night.
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10-11-2019 09:18 PM
10-11-2019 09:18 PM
Re: why can't I cope longer?
Hi @Meowmy Glad to hear from you.
Very sorry to hear that your childhood & upbringing was tough too.
Yes recovery does seem to be a lifetime process - especially when trauma was from family members or relatives.
Have a good evening.
Adge
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10-11-2019 09:21 PM
10-11-2019 09:21 PM
Re: why can't I cope longer?
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10-11-2019 09:30 PM
10-11-2019 09:30 PM
Re: why can't I cope longer?
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10-11-2019 10:26 PM
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12-11-2019 02:50 PM
12-11-2019 02:50 PM
Re: why can't I cope longer?
@Former-Member hey hope you are having a good day. Take care.
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12-11-2019 09:18 PM
12-11-2019 09:18 PM
Re: why can't I cope longer?
Hi @Meowmy , I'm happy someone gives a hoot enough to check in with me, thank you. I'll be ok. November s a difficult month with my departed girls birthday 25th. I go a bit strange at his time... lost. Cancelled my last two therapy sessions. Its batten down the hatches time. Just gotta get through it. Wish I wasn't alone though, but I am. My son still hasn't returned my call Sunday... So be it. I'm done being treated like crap, the crap is on the crappers, I'm not wearing it anymore.
Survived the house inspection today... without the dog rescue... "just thoughts" after all, as you said. Actually, today I had to go on a roadtrip - it was amazing. Accept the wind near blew the van off the road a few times, and the dust... crazy orange. Was out 6hrs... but glad to be home.
I went to an old town where my mums wforfatgers came from. Ive always been drawn to this area. Its unnerving to see places and buildings I've never seen yet remember. Its like I've been there before. An abandoned old church evoked sudden excitment within gasping "it's still here" Quite surreal. And the same when I saw the school "I went here" .Raises so many unanswered questions that I just not quite sure what to do with. Maybe with my mum dying and my siblings rejecting me, maybe I'm just desperate to find some roots, some sense of belonging somewhere, some kind of heritage. I donno. Hurts my brain. It excited me today, and that's energising and life giving and, well, those times are far and few between, real to me. .
At the cemetory, On a headstone of another lost 13yo girl, the closing words from her father to God - "so be it"
It is what it is
What a day 💜😢