Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Shaz51]

Number 3 care for the relationship @suzanne 

[suzanne]

You are definitely not alone @Morticia.  Forums members may well chime in with their experiences but in terms of the survey, there were a couple of approaches.  One is that people tried different medications, different dosages, times of taking it.  For example someone reported that taking their meds in the morning rather than afternoon had less impact on their sex life. 

Others said that for them it took working on their mental health to the point that they needed less or no meds.  That may be the longer-term solution if you're relatively new to diagnosis and treatment.  But in the meantime talking it through with your treatment team and letting them know how important this side effect is for you is a good place to start.  

If you've already done that, was the response helpful? 

[Morticia]

In a way it's helpful. But I've tried changing meds and the timing of the meds is in a good routine now. So to change any of that could be a bit difficult in the instance that I don't want my mental health to suffer. 

[Former-Member]

@Morticia my husband has BPii as well.

Many meds are libido killers, some are known to reduce feelings of love in patients too. Mr D is not on any of these at present but due to thresholds being reached on one med a change may be required - the options are not thrilling.

[suzanne]

Here are the next four strategies.  Still in the respondents own words.  It was clear from the research that the strategies are as varied as the issues which shows that we don't experience these problems in the exactly the same way and so our solutions won't look the same either:   

5. Awareness and acceptance: Redefining the goals of intimacy.  Understanding that sex and intimacy may be absent during the worst of the illness but trusting that it will resume when this passes.  Come to terms with lack of intimacy (although this can lead to loneliness).  Acceptance that I have to do all the heavy lifting emotionally and physically in the relationship.

6. Mindset: Put aside expectations or pressure to perform and create safe boundaries such as freedom to choose and stopping at any time without judgement or offence

7.  Open-mindedness: Sex toys.  Porn. Polyamory (more than one partner). Permission to use sex workers.  

8. Medication: Changing or altering medications.  Getting to a point of recovery/maintenance where meds are no longer required or less meds do the same job.

[Morticia]

That's what I have found too. It's so hard cause mental health is important but so is the desire for human intimacy. Feels like we have to pick one or the other

[Adge]

Well there are multiple impacts @suzanne

On-going fatigue from Sleep Apnea, for almost 20 years.

A badly-scarred stomach from 3 major bowel surgeries - & irritable bowel syndrome caused by the 3rd (reversal surgery).

So I'm self-conscious about my appearance (from that) & functionality.

That would relate only to intimate relationships, not to my friendships.

Then there's the loss of self-confidence over time (re sexual relationships) - because it's been 8 years since I was last in a relationship.

Adge

[notmeanymore]

Hi, I had a question about feeling pressured into sex by a partner with a mental illness.. My husband is probably one of the rare people who hasn't experienced sexual dysfunction while on antidepressants. The thing is, he has a much higher libido than mine and he has always said that he feels connection through sex. And that when there is a lull in our sex life, that is when he starts feeling like his depression worsens. My issue is, sometimes I feel like I'm having to have sex when I don't feel like it, because I don't want to affect his depression. Does anyone have any advice for this situation?

[Shaz51]

Number 5 and 6 for us @suzanne

[Shakeelah25]

thats pressure. You have to remember to respect boundaries though and what you want