Constant flashbacks

[creative_writer]

Today has been better but still struggling today. I’m feeling really low but not on the edge of acting on urges today. I’m feeling wounded. I think I need to get home and rest, feeling pretty migrainey right now. Maybe I need to have some dinner since I haven’t eaten in hours

[creative_writer]

I’m safe but I’m just tired. I may seem high functioning on the outside but I’m just so exhausted. I can study, I can do things. But I’m always so exhausted. I see my psych tomorrow and I’m hoping I can make the most of the sessions. I’m so emotional 😭

[creative_writer]

People say it gets better, don’t they?

[creative_writer]

Things feel too intense right now. I’m going to bed before SI spirals. I’m safe

[Jynx]

Good on you for looking after yourself as best you can when things are so difficult @creative_writer I hope you can get off to sleep okay. Don't hesitate to reach out to a crisis line if you need a bit of extra support tonight hun.

Sending snoozey vibes your way 💜

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I see my psychologist this avo, I'm just trying to get some uni work done, I am approaching the end of the assignment, it's mostly done but just adding small bits and pieces.

I feel exhausted this morning and I'm cramping and will need to take breaks in between. Might explain the emotions to some extent

[Jynx]

Oh nice how'd your appt go @creative_writer? 

Kudos on getting to the last bits of your assignment!! Always a good feeling hey 😊

Aye, the hormones do spin us about at times 😬

Hope your evening is going ok 💜

[creative_writer]

@Jynx the appointment covered a lot. I spoke about how I found the way I responded to the chaos in my life when I was younger didn’t sit well with me. It was when I was going through trauma and my bipolar wasn’t well controlled. Behaviour during hypomania was actually more embarrassing then depression. I would be so short fused and felt like rebelling and not taking meds.

I’m doing better today, but exhausted. How are you? 💖

[Jynx]

@creative_writer sounds like an intense, but good appt! Reminds me of this idea of like... 'cringing at your past self/actions just means you've grown as a person'. Sounds like you're finding more balanced ways to cope and to behave that is more in line with your values 😊

Glad to hear it. I'm going pretty well, snuggling up and listening to the rain 💜

[creative_writer]

@Jynx it is true I’ve grown as a person, I’m definitely not as impulsive. I only realised later that some of my thought patterns at the time were me. I’m not even sure about what I was thinking at the time, I just convinced myself that meds were there to control me (only during mood elevations). It was a mood state belief that didn’t make any sense. I think I naturally acted up because of it. I was also going through trauma and felt like control had been taken away in that sense. I’m not like that anymore, though sometimes I do feel worried about being a good client.

The rain can be super soothing. It feels like winter this morning. I hope you had a chill night 💖. I’m on my way to a morning class