Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

[Shaz51]

Oh @TAB I know what you mean xx ME

[TAB]

 @Shaz51

[Anony18]

I definitely find comfort @Shaz51 on these forums..may not completely cheer me up all the time but it cheers me up a little on those days....hopefully that doesn't offend anyone especially given you all been so great!

Understand what you said about waiting til your hubby wants to talk about it. It is the same with my partner at times. He hides himself away and it was tough not understanding til had that talk a few days ago. When i ask him questions etc he does answer. Knowing slightly what goes through his mind helps me a little and telling him that he can say no he isnt up for going out of house is ok! I am not gonna force him even if I do miss him and wish to see him.
He has had a rant yesterday as he lost his phone. Saw it when he saw me last which resulted in him saying how everytime he heads out he loses his phone and he isnt going out anymore. Cancel all dinners etc. The upset is not so much the phone but cause his memory card of holiday pics and money etc is with it. Am hoping it is in his mum's car! Am really hoping it is a rant as he has agree to come to my godparents 50th anniversary this Sat. I told him he didnt have say yes but he said he wanted to.

[Shaz51]

I know what you mean @Anony18 xx

it shows we are not alone xx

what ha your hubby been diagnosed with if you don`t mind me asking xx

[Anony18]

@Shaz51 - don't have a hubby Haha. Just my boyfriend. He had anxiety first, particularly social anxiety but now has depression he says. He doesn't really talk about it and holes up. No one knows about his depression. He mentioned his family maybe knows a little but they don't talk about it. The good thing is that if I ask him a question he tells me openly. The bad thing is that trying to talk to him is hard. We don't live together so seeing face to face in order talk what's wrong is tough. Hopefully the chat I had with him about communicating better has resided in him. Time will tell. 

On top of his own MH - he cares for his mum and brother. Mum has health issues and may have undiagnosed depression. Brother has depression and ptsd. Brother was sent to institution recently but is out now and he says slightly better. My bf has had a lot of tragedy. Losing his dad, a couple mates, his dog, uncle, nan and his family having MH issues has taken his toll. This been over past 5 yrs. Think he was pushed over into depression 6 mths back when he lost a colleague to heart attack (triggered memories of his dad), a friend had to be taken off life support plus bro was being more disruptive. So hopefully things will look bit more up for him. 

[Shaz51]

ha ha , just beeing nosy my friend xoxo @Anony18

So hopefully things will look bit more up for him. soon xx

and How are you through all this , remember to take care of yourself

I am leaning , it will take time for me xx

how are your muscles this morning

[Decadian]

Hi @Anony18

It's fine - in fact good - that you have some comfort in these forums - we are all different - and I find that I am not alone in what I have happening is a great comfort

I never thought of them cheering me up - I do feel a lot better though if I have share something and other people share their stories - having people care means so much to me

And if your partner doesn't want to go out - what's the point of making him. It is better to enjoy outings of any kind alone rather than have a grumpy unwilling companion - I was married for a long time and I call my then-hushand sitnsulk - cause that's what he did - at home and when we went out - so by the time our marriage broke down completely we had different social lives - and that was a good way to start a new life.

A great ptty your partner loses his phone whenever he goes out - that is either terribly expensive or he goes out rarely - but how do the rest of us manage not to lose our phones? I understand this must be a major problem

I hope he gets to go to your grandparents' 50th - that would be a great memory

I seem to remember reading that you don't live together - if that was you - that was a good idea - I had a bf I didn't live with either and when the inevitable end came it was so much easier

I understand what you are saying

Decadian

[Anony18]

Hi @Shaz51 - i don't mind at all with you being nosy. Wouldn't reveal anything I didn't want to share xoxo

Definitely do hope and pray things look up for him. It was a massive struggle at first but getting better. Of course it isn't always easy (when is life easy anyway?!) but definitely much better! As I said time will tell. The tough part is that I am not comfortable talking to alot of my friends and definitely not my family about this as they judge, tell me what they believe I should do. But these forums help. I know that self care is very important and I am only in this to the point I am ok with it. The good thing is that he does tell me what is going on. Maybe in not in a GREAT extent like women generally like to talk but to some extent and in person if I ask the question he tells me. He has alot of unhappy and angry friends now cause they don't understand. 

Hi @Decadian - I don't force him. Actually I can't if i wanted to. He is as stubborn as me. I don't mind going out alone. I like the surrealness of it all. Sitting by the beach, sometimes a movie alone, maybe even a drive. Gives me time to think. The thing that he told me is that he does want to see people, or see me but it is just the depression that gets him which makes him anxious. Cause he isn't "himself" or he is so tired from the drug etc. I told him I would never pressure him to do anything. I think he puts the pressure on himself. Something hopefully he learns in time that it is ok to say NO. My partner I think exaggerates. He loses his phone all the time! He can lose his phone on my bed cause it drops out of his pocket. He is so disconnected with it that is probably why. It was more his holiday pics and money that he was upset about and not so much the phone which I understand.

I hope he comes to the annivesary too! Be great for him and also be good memory for us 😃 Plus I know if he doesn't it may be a tad bit hard to enjoy myself completely as family will ask where he is etc and I will have to try divert the subject to avoid more questions. So fingers crossed!

[Shaz51]

Hello @Anony18

my hubby , one of the specialist said he had Clinical Depression -- Major Depressive disorder

Of course it isn't always easy but definitely much better! -- same here @Anony18, he was always only put on anti depressants meds which have never worked , but when they put him on anti anxiety meds as well -- it made a different , still lots of ups and downs

 I am not comfortable talking to alot of my friends and definitely not my family about this as they judge, tell me what they believe I should do.-- oh YES , I am in the same boat here to xx

[Anony18]

This is why I love the forums @Shaz51 - people who understand what I feel at times 

Just heading away from work now to go home. Will be back online No more dance and tennis...unsure what to do with myself! Times like this I do miss my partner. Hope he has found his stuff. Sent him an online message chasing up....so hopefully he jumps online and lets me know. Pray he has for his sake so he hasn't lost the memories!