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[Shaz51]

Hello @NotSoCrayCray, @Shimmer

 I have found my attitude has changed over the years

My husband has even said , you are afraid of me like my first wife , I said Well don`t make the same mistake and went in the bathroom and locked the door

when i came out he was gone , came back later and said he was going to the hospital

I found with the help from sane forums

medications for hubby has made a difference, we still have lots of ups and downs everyday ,  he says he should go back to hospital to have a break -- i say ok

[Shimmer]

Glad to hear you'd never hurt her, have good self-control and were able to use your training to contain her attacks to protect you both.

That's understandable that you feel at a loss of what to do @NotSoCrayCray. Do you have any hobbies or self-care activities that you find distracting or relaxing that might be useful at the moment?

[Shimmer]

Hi @Shaz51,

Wow that sounds really intense! From what you described in that example you seem to do a good job standing up for yourself and protecting yourself, and he responds reasonably well to that - would you agree?

So you are discussing a hospital break at the moment? Do you think that will end up happening?

[Shaz51]

No , he won`t go back to the hospital @Shimmer xx

Saw how my dad treated my mum until we left when i was 12

my mum is very strong and independent , she worries sometimes but my aunty says I will be right

[Shimmer]

So you learnt strength from your mum during those early experiences @Shaz51

I agree with your aunty, but would add that you are doing very well 

[Shaz51]

Thank you @Shimmer 

But I do find it very hard at times

I think why me !! I can`t take it anymore , I used to cry at everything he used to say , I have changed

sometimes i feel he is controlling, other times he want me to lead , it is hard to get a balance

[Shimmer]

Understandable that you find it very hard at times @Shaz51! Also that you would think "why me?" and feel overwhelmed and distressed at times.

What do you think contributed to the change in yourself?

Finding a balance seems to be the key to many things, but is often an ongoing challenge! We do our best along the way.

[Shaz51]

I think i need to learn more @Shimmer

me time , self care , sometimes I feel I am not totally me amymore

see I was single until i was 43

before i got married

I travelled, had my own business , had lots of friends , helped people

things changed , and sometimes i want some of me back

hope this makes sense @Shimmer 

[Shimmer]

Wanting more of "you" back makes complete sense @Shaz51!

Where could you start in rediscovering some of "you"?

You know I am always an advocate for self-care 

We are all always learning!

[Decadian]

I read a lot of these -

@Shaz51 - I know your husband as some kind of MI but I am pretty sure mine did not and he was lazy and didn't do what was required properly - if at all and we argued and I could do a lot of shouting

A few times one of the kids would be hurt and a trip to hospital might be required but getting my ex to get his mind into gear to help with the emergency was like trying to put tooth paste back in the tube and I would be battling with injuries from play accidents - and going demented

So athough I can't tell - I do wonder if all of this confusion is caused by the MI or is just bad behaviour

I guess a lot of life is chicken-and-egg - all these years later I think my ex was stuck somewhere and could not react to the situation -

Apart from the kids being hurt or sick and having my ex helplessly in the way etc - the other thing that really bugged me was my MIL ringing up to tell me it was my responsibility to get him to work on time - and I had to tell her it was my responsibility to get myself to work on time and I started earlier and earned more

We get frustrated with men being helpless or useless like this - whatever the cause - or at least - I was frustrated

Let's read back on the thread now

Dec