Feeling so guilty

[Tay]

Hi guys,

I've been posting everyday recently - about my issues etc.

I received a phone call a few hours ago - a friend of mine - well met her through my partner - I have anxiety issues - anyway, she knows my issues - depression, ptsd etc. She has always appeared a strong woman to me - she has a wonderful husband which is how we met - my partner went to ni with him - they are both nurses. She has a beautiful home, 2 lovely children - well as lovely as they can be.

She called to tell me her husbands mother has been diagnosed with an agressive form of cancer and has been given 6 months to live. At the moment both parents are living with her and hubby as his mum has been unwell and dur to a stupid comment a family member made on facebook the family is estranged. Only her and her husband and obviously her father in law know the diagnosis. Her husband is proud and wont tell people - she is caring for his parents and her husband and family and she's feeling like she's going to have a break down.

The last few posts Ive made have been about me losing a job blah blah  - and as often as I say there is always someone worse off - tonight I have discovered that the hard way.

We all have problems - but my friends are only in their 30's - no one should lose a parent so young. Needless to say his father is only 69 and still works and has just been told his wife is dying. She also has dementia.

Back to my topic - I'm feeling guilty for whinging and complaining about my problems when my closest of friends are going through this. At the same time I feel I can be helpful and although I struggle to get out of the house - let alone get out of bed - I have offered to go and stay to help.

Is it normal to feel guilty? To me it is - I couldn't live without my mum and I know others have to - but when my girlfriend says he's too young to lose his mum - she's right - the law of nature I spose. I scared, frightened and guilty.

Has anyone else been through this situation? 

[AllAboutMissy]

Hi @Tay

It's so tragic to hear of stories like this and I can totally empathise with your feelings of guilt.

Although i've never been in your situtation, I too have struggled with this in the past worrying as to whether my talking about the issues in my life seemed insignificant to some.

I don't think it is wrong though.

In this world, we all have things going on in our life and I believe that we all have the right to be able to talk about them especially with those close to us and regardless of the severity of them.

Being a good friend means that you give and take and it sounds like you are being a good friend by supporting them in their time of need and offering your hand in friendship and love.

The same goes in return, when you are in need of help or guidance I'm sure they will be there for you also.

Mental illness sometimes gets swept under the rug for terminal illnesses (sad but true) but it doesn't diminish the impact it has on you and your life, and your friends would understand that.

If you are concerned that you "whinging and complaining" about your feelings and your situation is an issue, you can always ask. Be open and talk about it with your friend. Be there for one another.

Hope this helps.

Missy x

[kristin]

@Tay

Please don't beat yourself up for having your own struggles just because someone else has bigger ones - it doesn't help us to manage our struggles much nor to be more empathetic to others if we don't have any compassion for ourselves. It sounds like you have done a wonderful thing and offered help. Please find a way to be kinder to yourself, offer that care from love not guilt - it will be all the more a gift to them and you. I hope this makes sense.

And BTW you are welcome to offload (whinge if you want to call it that, I doubt we will) here - that is part of what the forums are for.

Please be kind to yourself, just as you are being kind to your friend. You don't deserve to be going through a difficult time any more than they do. It's not so much aboutworse - just different. I hope this all makes sense.

Hope for grace endures...

Kindest regards, 

Kristin