Introduction / Bipolar

[Mazarita]

Hi to those reading this,

I'm joining in this forum for the first time because it seems like a place where I might speak about my mental health in an honest way. I'm 52 and diagnosed bipolar II. I've been struggling with mental health since childhood. This has mostly manifested as chronic depression and social anxiety. I'm almost completely confined to my flat and live a lot by night (never having managed to get into a regular daytime routine for any substantial length of time). I haven't worked for years and don't honestly expect to again. But I've been very engaged with online creative projects for many years (music and media collaborations with people I meet over the internet). Unfortunately, just at the moment, I am almost completely lacking any artistic inspiration.

I won't rave on about my other struggles just now. I'm simply leaving this post as a hello to the forum. Best wishes to all.

Mazarita

[Former-Member]

Hi @Mazarita

So glad that you have posted here, its a great community full of people with so many different interests. I'd love to hear more about your music projects. When i was younger i played some instruments and in concert bands but havent played for a long time, except nursery rhymes for my own two on the keyboard or guitar. I kind of miss the music but its not something im ready to pick up again right now. (as i keep telling my psych who thinks music is the answer lol). I think inspiration comes in its own time, be gentle with yourself and keep exploring the world (even if virtually... what would we do without our computers!!). I struggle to get out socially, and sometimes physically, but being mum to small kids means i have to which is probably good for me.

Feel free to 'rave' on about anything, its a very supportive community here,

take care,

LJ

[Mazarita]

Hi LJ,

Thanks for the kind welcome. Good to hear about your music interests and your perspective that inspiration comes in its own time. I agree. It's never worked well for me when forced. Computer is indeed a lifeline, though there are times when it can feel counter-productive (when too obsessed). I didn't mention my loving partner who I see every day so not as completely isolated as I otherwise would be. Great that you still share music with your children and that they help get you out of the house. Thanks again.

Maz

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Mazarita

Welcome to the Forums! It's nice to 'meet' you.

Your media project sound cool.

I thought you might be interested in this thread started by @kato. In this discussion members have shared poetry and thoughts. Feel free to contribute. Also keep an eye out for @SimpleAsThis and @kristin, both also quite creative. They've shared some of the work here and there on the Forums. I don't know about you but for creative inspiration, I like turning to other people's work.

Hope to 'see' more of you around.

CB

[Mazarita]

Thanks for the welcome, CherryBomb. I'm not in a place where I want to contribute creatively just now (aside from writing in discussions), but I've had a read in the poetry thread and will keep and eye out for the contributors you mentioned. Thanks again.

[Appleblossom]

Hello M

So you are new too.

I also am resigned to not being in paid workforce, but try to keep productive with music and writing.

cheers

A

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @Mazarita

How are you tonight ?

Yep, it would be very nice to read your interest in music when your ready....When i read your name.....i had memories of going into Tijuana. ...is that how you spell it....the piont one goes into Mexico from San Diego, i

Your name brought back memories of going there with my family and all the colours, music ....and......donkeys painted to look like zebras ! Tee hee hee ! 

.i live .in Western Australia. My days are caught up with caring for me dog, Arlo, reading Sane forums and crochetting doileys. Oh i work about once per week. 

Im going through a difficult time but this week, after telling my dillema on Sane Forums, ive got more confidence. 

[Mazarita]

Hi @Appleblossom - looks like we joined the forum within a day of each other, hello! I've been posting a bit this week and finding the forum an interesting and rewarding place to hang out. Good to hear you are into the music and writing too. I've heard that mental illness and creativity are often linked. 

@PeppiPatty - thanks for replying here. I got some 'likes' from you in the middle of the night and wondered if you too are a night owl (though I know WA is 3 hours behind Queensland so maybe it wasn't that late for you). Woof to Arlo and cool that you crochet. I wish I could get back into knitting, something I enjoy, but the materials are too expensive these days.

I'm a little hesitant to describe exactly what I do artistically because it's a bit unusual and also highly visible elsewhere on the net and I'm worried that describing it here might reduce my anonymity. I wouldn't be able to talk freely about mental illness as I am doing if I felt that someone might 'find' me here. This is partly because I've had mostly negative experiences 'coming out' to people about my mental illness, both in real life and and with virtual friendships (I have a few of those that have lasted years). But, as I said, I'm pretty much inactive with the artistic stuff at the moment anyway (for the past month or so).

Thanks for the chat! 🙂

[Appleblossom]

@Mazarita

Yes coming out re MI is still not well received in general community.

Yes there are a lot of links between creativity and MI and its a pity we dont get credit, but Mi can work against getting referrals and networking.

It is a great idea to keep the 2 areas separate as credibility and reputation are issues for us all and not improved by stigma or prejudice.

I have recently decided to stop forcing myself to sleep and ENJOY a bit of surfing on the net at night .. I have been impressed by the QUALITY of responses to one another that I have seen posted in this community.

I dont really have a proper diagnosis .. beyond garden variety depression .. but complex MI issues have been present all my life. My guess is that I have schizoaffective disorder .. but what does that mean anyway

Keep posting

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @Mazarita

Thanks for the message...its very nice what you also wrote to @Appleblossom 

You both have cool names. When i jioned, i thought i could either cbange my name as time went on because i didnt think sane corums would help me as much as it has. 

On your comment @Mazarita .......  i have found that the forum is completely free for everything .......i chose to show my real name...me thinks in about 4 to 6 months because ive met some.....real people ...on @saneforums who genuinely care about me. And I them. 

But at writing that......i never ever want to meet anyone ! All people i care for won't like knowing in their back of their minds....while writing to me l actually have 3 legs and hands that are like birdy claws. Also, if you meet me, say if some of you choose to adopt what a neighbour is saying to me re: a situation Im in ?

I have found l'm a lot calmer and decisive in my day to day activiities. The big change that Sane did for me was making up with my Mum. But l did the work, I stuck with it. I Thought, wrote notes too, o  boarx what others were writing.....

On anonymity. ....thats up to you. Ive thought if my sons stumble on it .....everything ive written is positive  on them. I think. I actually dont care what pwople think of me. In saying that, i would cry myself to sleep every night if heard tnat i was being talked about. .....for a while. 

My activities are nothing like yours. I like your name, i think you might be able to help me understand my oldest son who goes tnrough times of mental ill health.....i have a feeling its  bipolar. i am both popular in daily life but .....im living through huge stress ......ii cannot get rid of a former boyfriend and choose not to go through police and i also choose to spend a lot of time 

Its up to you. I just like thinking of you doing music one day.......