Burnt Out

[Crazy_Bug_Lady]

Hi Guys,

Just a quick update (not entirely related to this thread but oh well) 

We (SALY crew, so me and 8 others) camped out at the farm over the weekend. That was good fun. Very wet and cold, but good times doing what I love. Learning, teaching and cattle. 😛 That sort of thing is an enormous achievement for me, as we've got a few new members, and new people = terrified CBL. And being away from home and something new = terrified CBL. All in all, after the week I'd had, all I wanted to do was stay at home curled up in a ball with my fuzzy blanket where everything is safe. But I made myself do it, and I'm glad I did. I had a good time, and it's nice to get out and challenge my negative way of thinking (I'm useless and no one wants me here).

I had a physio appointment this morning. That is a massive achievement for me, new surrounding/people/experience, and I hate and I'm terrified of people touching me. But I did it, and I've booked a few more sessions in advance, and while it was scary and uncomfortable, the thought of my back not being sore all the time seems like it can actually be possible!!

I spoke to my friend last week, sent her a silly picture of hamster butts (seriously, google them, they are the cutest!) and sort of explained why I wasn't at work. So we're sort of talking. Which is a start. We planned ages ago to go to the zoo this Wednesday. Not too sure if that is still happening, but I think it'd be cool if we did. I'll try and get up the courage to ask her later. 

Thank you guys so much for listening to me and offering advice. You guys rock! 

p.s  @PeppiPatty , what do you mean about timetables??

[kristin]

That is such great news @Crazy_Bug_Lady ! Well done you! It's amazing what a difference it can make when we go with "do it anyway" if it's something we're passionate about - even if we are sh-scared.

Glad the physio went well too - that's terrific, and a good way to include some accountability for yourself going back by making more appoinments.

Good stuff - thanks for sharing!

Kindest regards, 

Kristin

[PeppiPatty]

Hi

Awesome on your activities, especially physio appointment......I never liked being touched, when hairdressers wanted to massage my scalp I would say.....oh, you can skip that bit.......
But change of medication and slow down/big cut in work......well, I let the hairdresser massage my scalp last haircut......
Timetable.....when things get hard for me like........,just lately, I get through it by having a timetable.

8-9. Coffee
9-10. Shower
11-11.30. Comb my hair
11:30 to 12:45 make bed

[Crazy_Bug_Lady]

I hate hate hate being touched, 'specially if I can't see what's going on. So being face down on the table with my top off is terrifying. I did sorta give her a quick run-down of my fears about it all, so she talks and explains what she's doing while she's doing it. It is a bit amusing when she tells me to relax though. You've just started poking my bum, what do you expect me to do? 😜

I had to go see the doctor today. Thankfully he knows me, as it turns out the receptionist mucked up, so he came to see why I was sitting around. I got my very first Doctor's Certificate today, for the two sick days last week. He reckons the meltdown was brought about by the fact I had been so busy and had so much to do that I hadn't had a chance to *stop*, and didn't see an opportunity coming for a while. Which is what I thought... he seemed sorta pleased that I had recognised it and put a plan into action, and we're both hoping next time I'll plan *before* I have a meltdown. 😀😀

Ahh @PeppiPatty now I see what you mean. I do that more or less everyday. 😊 I write a list each day when I wake up and/or get to work. I write a list of things to do, then prioritise it and re-write it. I don't put times, I find that causes me a bit too much pressure and anxiety (particularly if I "run out of time" for a task). People at work find it odd, but I get my work done and can (usually) stay quite calm about it. So I don't care.

[kristin]

Wow @Crazy_Bug_Lady it sounds like you are doing so well. It's great that the physio was able to hear your concerns, though she clearly doesn't understand that saying "relax" is not a magic word.

I feel the same way on a table face down. I really struggle, especially if I don't know the person/haven't been to them before. Some things I'm none too good with face up either! But I won't go there, as it might be triggering. One of those regular health things I have to make myself go to even though I have a female GP - which helps a little.

I am just enjoying reading all this lovely self-acceptance and affirmation. It is wonderful to see! They may seem like very small things, but I think they are really important and you might consider giving yourself a big pat on the back.

Kindest regards,

Kristin

[PeppiPatty]

@Crazy_Bug_Lady
Your my little star.......the joke on the bum LOl.
Love the slowdown.

Most know on the forums I personally didn't know what 'slow down,' was for many years.....
Love the 'I don't care,'
Always good to plan the next meltdown......lol

today, after much tossing and turning, I got an 8 page letter of complaint to the police about their behaviour to me. I got a restraining order on this stalker I've had and ....oh.........it's such Such a relief. I did it!! Then....I rang the police to ask what do I do that he's calling me so much,,
Phew........

But @Crazy_Bug_Lady, you read confident and I read shaky

. I also got in contact with a really really good social worker I have used for in the
Past.
chocolate now. My neighbour brought me some over......

[PeppiPatty]

golly gee my golly gosh
Keepers kreepers
See yer Later alligator
My darling
Buddy
Eeeek
Oh
In a while crocodile
Golly gee wow
Oh no
In a while
Phew
Crocodile

Joy.

[Crazy_Bug_Lady]

Thanks @kristin
I honestly didn't realise until today just how far I've come. Not too long ago I would have had a complete meltdown and kept forcing myself to work and "act normal" and fall back into SH habits...
When I get like this, all I can think about is SH, but while I wanted to, I didn't. Yes, I've had the annoying little itch in the back of my mind, but I didn't give in.
And my GP said he was proud of me, which is lovely.

It's days like this where I go yep, there may be bad days, but there is the hope of brighter days to come, just gotta hold onto the safety rail and wait it out.

Now I've gotta write that and stick it somewhere for when I'm having a really bad day. To remind me to keep on fighting. 😛