How was your day today?

[Kazzl]

Hi everyone - a longish post sorry
Ok, I've just joined and am still finding my way, so apologies if this duplicates another thread I haven't found yet.
I am a recovering alcoholic, nearly 4 years sober I'm pleased to say, but have long-term problems with depression and anxiety. I've had a very bad time the past couple of weeks - much to do with my work - and today I realised a lot of my anxiety stems from worrying and being fearful about the future. I'm looking too far ahead and if I'm to get well again, I need to focus on the here and now. I didn't do AA but their mantra of 'one day at a time' helped me so much in gaining sobriety.
So, I'm hoping this thread might be a chance to help stay focused on today - everyday. What was good, what was hard, how we felt - especially the positives.
Anyone interested? If so, how was your day today?
I'll start if you like: Today I slept too much and didn't go to my daughter's event. So I'm not feeling good about that. BUT I had the 'lightbulb' moment about concentrating on the present, not six years from now (when I hope to retire) and I found this forum. I'm dreading a meeting at work tomorrow which might determine my future employment, but, just now, I'm planning how to be my most professional even if it doesn't go well ( ie don't cry, don't yell at anyone, don't withdraw, and if I can't contribute properly, say nothing, just smile). May I report back tomorrow on how it went?
How are other folks today?
Cheers, Kaz

[Alessandra1992]

Welcome @Kazzi
I was thinking today about the benefits of living in this era of smart phones. One way I build up my mental wealth, is I take photos on my phone..I then use those images to remind myself of the times when I am in the moment..as photos are a very much in the moment activity for me.
Then I pondered is it is he image that adds to my mental wealth or is it the act of thinking about taking a photo and why I want take the photo?
One thing I have noticed is that I take far more pics when I am on holiday..and what draws my eye is landscape and light..dawn, dusk, sun reflections..and capturing different aspects..
If my tech abilities were a bit more savvy I would post a pic..
Other parts of my day I have spent nattering with my boys, talking about superheroes and what name would my superhero have and what is the heir superpower.. Then I continued to read a new book I bought, The Gods of Olympus, which is leading to some very interesting discussions with my youngest as his favourite books are Heroes of Olympus. I have also reread my sewing machine manual and discovered the pattern I have cut out fabric for..well I haven't figured out which was the pattern I used..so it will be fun making a garment without the instructions..
All in all, my day has been a pretty darn good one..bits of frustration here and there but no major hoohah..very proud of no internal hoohah either!!

[Kazzl]

Hi Sandy, lovely to meet you!
I love your idea of taking photos. Might try that.
I think it's really important to acknowledge when there's been no internal hoohah, because sometime the inner turmoil seems so constant, it's like my natural state. I'm going to pay more attention to when I'm not hoohahing.
Lovely to hear about your boys - they must be still fairly young? My girls are grown ups - wonderful women. The eldest has mental health problems too, so we kind of understand each other, and the youngest is really kind and would fix everyone's problems if she could bless her.
Glad to hear your day's been a good one. mine has got better and better since I found the forum. Oh, and we just won the cricket world cup, so everything is as it should be.

[Kazzl]

Good morning folks
I'm posting now so that tonight I can check back and compare. I'm a bit of a wreck this morning, nervous and feeling ill - I'm dreading work and my thoughts keep going to excuses for not going in. I could get away with it, but I think I'd feel a total failure if I avoided the 'showdown' that's likely today. Trying hard to focus on my 'one day at a time' approach. I just have to get through today.
I hope everyone here has a good day today. And thank you all for the warm welcome yesterday.
Onwards eh?
Kaz

[Kazzl]

Well that went badly. I'm home again, just four hours into the day, having lost control at work. I lost it because, after the meeting to consider my future was cancelled, I asked if I could work at home more often to avoid the stress in the office. Was roundly told no because there are already too many people who regularly work from home because they have young children or (physical) health problems. I did my block about why mental health problems are less important (yes my boss knows my story and is variously supportive when it suits her agenda). I cried and yelled and now I'm ashamed of myself. Don't know what to do. One thing I won't do is drink or harm myself. I'm smoking like a chimney, but I won't drink. If I do I'll end up dead.
One day at a time girl.
Please someone tell me tonight that they've had a good day! I need to believe good days are still possible, even if I'm a total soon to be unemployed failure.
Kaz

[Alessandra1992]

Hey @Kazzi
That is discrimination really given your work is aware of your mental health.. If you are in Victoria I would recommend contacting vmiac..
Why is mental health not given equal priority to other health conditions?
That see sawing supervisor of yours has a lot to answer for as the process of eligibility for who can work flexible hours should be transparent..ideally there should be a policy in place for accessing flexible hours..
So I am wondering given Sane does a lot of workplace training and awareness..maybe @NikNik has some suggestions that may help?
I have had a good day..the hoohah is lessening and often it increases on holidays..Today I started sewing a top..it would be amazing if I fit into it..but I don't mind if I can't as I can give it away. Just so much fun to get sewing..and I modified a new shirt..tomorrow I might even hem a skirt...

[NikNik]

Thanks @Alessandra1992 , we do have Mindful Employer program (find out more at http://www.mindfulemployer.org/) which it sounds like @Kazzl 's work place needs.

Kazzi, I'm sorry to read you're having a challenging time at work. It sounds like you're doing a great job at keeping yourself safe. I don't know the environment or structure of your workplace, but my suggestion would be -

Speak to HR and let them know the situation. Sometimes it helps to use 'open' language. While it could be tempting to make a 'complaint' or go straight to the heart of the issue, it could be helpful to approach it along the lines of 'I'm hoping you can help me better understand the working from home policy'. Once you hear them out, if you think your request is still aligned, put your case forward.

I strongly suggest putting together some notes for you to refer to in the meeting. I find this helpful to better keep control of my emotions. When I get emotional I shut down - so it's not helpful to the situation. Notes help me just focus on the words on the page.

If there's no HR ( some smaller organisations don't have a HR department), a trusted senior member of staff can be helpful too.

Would this be something that you would consider?

[NikNik]

Hi @Kazzl

I just stumbled across this discussion again and am wondering how you're travelling?

Nik