Looking for support

[SallyBowles]

• Hi I'm new here. My son is 41 and is suffering delusions. He has always been an angry highly strung person and blames everyone for his lot in life. He has no job at the moment his wife is about to leave him she is the breadwinner. Everything is a mess they just bought a house have a big mortgage. He won't accept there's anything wrong with him. I am 69 and live interstate so cannot be hands on. We have generational mental illness in the family. 3 of my siblings have severe mental illness one has passed. They all including my son are heavy marijuana smokers. I need support can anyone help me? I am exhausted. I live in South Australia. He's in Victoria.

[Nala2022]

Hi @SallyBowles 

Welcome to the forums, and I’m really glad you reached out.

It sounds like you’re carrying a lot right now. Being worried about your son, feeling powerless from interstate, and holding the weight of family mental health experiences would be exhausting for anyone. It makes a lot of sense that you’re feeling worn down.

You clearly care deeply about your son, and it can be incredibly hard when someone is struggling but is not able to recognise it themselves or accept support. That can leave family members feeling helpless and drained.

Please remember that you matter in this too. Looking after your own wellbeing is important, especially when things feel so heavy. If it feels helpful, you might consider speaking with your GP or reaching out for some support for yourself as a carer/family member.

As you’re in South Australia, you may find Mental Health Carer Connect or Carers SA helpful for support and guidance for families, as well as Lifeline (13 11 14) or Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636) for additional support.

If there are times you’re concerned about your son’s immediate safety, contacting local crisis supports in Victoria may also be an option.

I hope some other members here who have supported loved ones through similar experiences are able to share with you as well. You don’t have to hold this alone ~ Nala2022

[SallyBowles]

Thank you. As I have been through all of my siblings journeys through mental illness and know how exhausting and ongoing it still is, my heart broke in pieces when I could see my son starting to exhibit the all to familiar signs.  Sadly not all people understand ie friends etc so it can be very isolating. My husband is trying to understand and be supportive but he doesn't understand psychosis and the process of it. I need to have support of people who do. A lot of organisations are over loaded due to the sheer weight of mental illness today so it is often hard to access help for the person going through it or their carers.  That's why I came here looking for support. 🤍

[PeppyPatti]

I feel your pain so much.  I resonate with everything you’ve shared. It is a horrible time. 

Like you, I have lived this. I was married to a man with schizophrenia for many years; we are still lifelong friends, and even though I’ve re-married the most unaware person in the absolute universe , I told my new husband that we are a package deal. I know that sounds weird but I was the reason why at 50 years old he began to own his diagnosis.  I’ve also had to be there for my oldest son when he ended up in a locked ward. He’s 35 now and finds it very tough for us to get close. 

It is incredibly difficult when you were looking forward to a relaxing chapter of life, only to find yourself back in this position of stress.  

I have watched how this can change people—I saw my ex-husband’s mother grow increasingly hardened. That’s a very nice word for me to write when I wanted to write something else about what my ex mother I. Law is as a person to her son.  and I’ve had to make my own hard choices, including going no-contact with my own mother to protect my peace.

my friends @TAB @Glisten Re: Tabaluga 

@ENKELI  @Nala2022 @Cuddlebear @Jynx @Ru-bee @tyme 

My friends will be relieved to read this as these poor ol sane friends have read and supported me on the journey of going no contact with my mum. 

I’ve realized that sometimes, when they are displaying these symptoms, they almost need to be left to work it out on their own. As hard as it is to accept, we often become the background  of their lives. We just want them to remember the good times, but we cannot force the clarity they aren't ready for.

i swear on everything i own it’s me with the old files in The letter section of writing to prisons, the Psychiatric hospitals blaming them 75 percent and 25 percent his own responsibility. I was ringing the hospital every day. The hospital would send the police because my ex husband has  been in . Jail the police would turn up, take him to hospital the hospital said he wasn’t sick and so they would take him to the lockup for the night. Every day. Then a police person this wonderful wonderful policeman turned up. My ex husband tries to bite his nose off so he went to jail for 9 months. 

When the memories and the "what ifs" get too powerful, I find I have to turn to guided meditations just to settle my system. I highly recommend the Jon Kabat-Zinn 45-minute body scan—you can find it for free on YouTube. It has been a lifeline for me when the psychosis of others feels like it’s draining my own spirit.

When you look back, do you see those early childhood memories where these behaviors first started to peek through?

Thank you for writing. You’ve brought up powerful memories for me, and I want you to know that I truly understand that feeling of watching someone you care for spiral when there is absolutely nothing you can do.

Warmly from PeppyPatty. 

[PeppyPatti]

Oh my friends will hopefully confirm 

@Meowmy @Cuddlebear 

@Shaz51 

@RachSANECEO , @CM6 , @TunedIn , @RadAcceptance20 , @Cappuccino_75 @Lapis_Anteater 

[ENKELI]

@PeppyPatti beautifully put Pepster darling. You are so eloquent and your passion shines through your writing.

@SallyBowles you have found a lovely community of people who will support you, just as they supported me 3 years ago when I was going through one of the toughest periods of my life. 
I will add you to my prayers if that's okay with you. 

It must be difficult to be so far away and feel so helpless. I never had children of my own but I was a guardian to my 2 former Godchildren for over 10 years and when they were hurting I felt it keenly.

I hope you get the much needed support required, feel free to reach out on Sane to any of us. You will have some amazing people sit with you when you are tired and overwhelmed xo

[Nala2022]

Thank you for sharing more. I can really hear how much this is affecting you, especially after having already walked alongside your siblings through their own mental health journeys. It makes a lot of sense that seeing familiar signs in your son would feel heartbreaking and bring up so much.

It can also be incredibly isolating when others around you care, but don’t fully understand the reality of psychosis or the toll it can take on families. Wanting support from people who truly “get it” is so valid.

You’ve shown a lot of strength carrying so much for so long. I’m really glad you came here for support, and I hope this space can be one where you feel understood and less alone.

We’re here with you 🤍 @SallyBowles 

[Nala2022]

@PeppyPatti - Thank you for sharing so openly and generously here. You’ve clearly walked through many complex and painful experiences alongside people you care about, and I can hear how much compassion, strength, and persistence you’ve carried through it all.

There’s a lot of wisdom in what you’ve shared about boundaries, acceptance, and trying to care for yourself while loving someone who is unwell. Those lessons are often hard won.

I’m also really glad you spoke about the ways you support your own nervous system now, like guided meditations and protecting your peace. That kind of self-care matters so much.

Thank you as well for offering such thoughtful support to another member. Contributions like yours can help others feel less alone 

[PeppyPatti]

Wow thanks @SallyBowles 

I think I’m a bullshit artist myself so that’s something I’m holding onto - that my experience give you …… maybe ….. peace. 
listen i usually write on the tabula forum …. Come if you want ……

I’m actually sitting at a shopping centre right now with my ex-husband. He came to a hospital appointment with me today because I am just so burnt out that I don't remember anything, and he has a great memory. 

While I was trying to pay, he started sortvof being short sort of yelling at me. I just stood there…….. but I could feel everyone looking.

it looked  like a scary domestic dv situation . I stood there thinking, if just one person says something to me, I’m going to look them and just say: Schizophrenia. 

And it’s isolating. I remind myself i have no titles - i cleaned houses and cared for people in the community. i can do this because he gives me friendship. And we are friends. I don’t think I’ll tell him it was me that he went to hospital for 2 weeks at a time last year. 

I’ve gone no-contact with my mother; she’s alrea. dy spreading stories in my community about how ill she is. I actually walked up to the front office at the hospital today,  and said I must have the wrong place... but is her name in hospital. truly, I don't even know what I was looking for. Maybe I was just looking for a bit of peace to know i am safe from her. 

I tell you this because I want you to know that even when you are exhausted, you are still standing. We do what we have to do for the people we love, even when it drains us to the bone.

Please keep talking to us here. We see the truth of what you're doing, even if the people in the "line" don't.