I can’t cope

[Captain24]

Yeah.. I think I’m in a bit of trouble @tyme. I’m going to have to push through the burnout and just hope it doesn’t end in disaster. I need to go and dry my hair but I just can’t get myself off the lounge. I am struggling. 

I hope it comes through in the next day or so.. keep me updated!  Please.. 

These are safe as it’s not the outside of my house. Plus they aren’t anywhere on social media. I did post a couple when I moved in but that was over 4 years ago and it wasn’t many.

kitchen and splash back tile. 

 

 

 

Main bathroom

 
Ensuite and feature tile from both bathrooms

 

 Laundry and feature tile

 

My favourite room, I can’t show you the other side as I have a drawing from a local artist. 

My cosy bedroom

 

 @Jynx just incase you wanna see

[tyme]

Your floors look similar to my old house @Captain24 

And yes! I got the mossy green colour right for the bathroom, but I didn't get it right for the splashback. Your place is so delicately designed! You designed it, right? 

Wow... there's nothing like home. 

Thank you so much for sharing!

As for yourself and drying your hair, as annoying as it is, what I do is I play a mind game with myself. I give myself X rest time, then I jump up and just do what I'm procratinating without thinking... otherwise, the more I think about it, the more I can't do it! @Captain24 

[Captain24]

I picked all the inclusions, tiles, colours and the layout of my house to a point. I said what I wanted and showed her a plan I found on the internet and the builders wife drew it up. @tyme. It came together really well. I still love it! It really feels like an inviting home not a show home. I didn’t take a photo of the living room as it’s a mess and has dog toys everywhere! I might take one tomorrow when I clean it up! 

I like sharing it as I’m really proud of what I choose and did. That’s why I want it perfect for my friend to stay so she can see it how it’s meant to look. 

I will have to try that tomorrow of if I sit and stop. Procrastination is a hard one! Stupid adhd. Then the autism fights as it wants everything done.. 

I just got up and did it. I still have things I want to do but I just can’t do anymore today. I will try and sort out the three spare rooms and the pantry tomorrow. Oh and dust the whole house, I’m not very good with dusting. 😂 That takes a few things off my list for next week. 

Im really drained right now. I need to keep going but just can’t. I can’t even focus on the tv..

I don’t know when I have a chance to stop and just recover. My friend leaves on the Sunday and I go back to work on the Monday. Then we have the crew Christmas party on the Friday. So maybe 3 weekends from now. I’m going to be a real mess. 

How are you going? Many post it notes to get ready to go? Oh and when is your last day on here? 

[tyme]

Maybe put the list to bed now? I'm going to put myself to bed soon @Captain24 !

I have to agree that your choices for all the detailing in the house is amazing! 

Do you still have that 'everything' room? The one you put everything in? Do you have to clear that one out?

Good on you for just getting your hair sorted. 

I'm making more and more post-it notes and I don't know where to start lol. 

Please look after yourself.

[Captain24]

I’ve taken my meds, I’ve had a shower, my room temperature it’s perfect, I’m listening to white noise, I’ve done muscle relaxation, my babies are in the bed with me. Pix at my feet and Jett against my back. It’s a comfortable and cosy environment. Fresh clean sheets and doona cover. 

Sounds perfect for sleeping… but yet I’m wide awake but exhausted. My body is heavy but my mind is alert. So much going on in my mind. So much has happened, so much is happening, nothing that I have any control over. Moods and emotions all over the place. I just need to relax, rest and reset. Why can’t I just drift off to sleep like a normal person. I’m usually a really good sleeper. Last night was great but tonight is a no. My head hits the pillow and I’m out but not tonight. This happened last week too. I ant go back to functioning on no sleep. It didn’t end well last week. 

Maybe just getting it out will help. 

[Captain24]

I need a GP appointment. The medical centre opens at 8:30. I got here at 8 and I’m 12th in line. This is absolutely ridiculous. The health system out here needs serious help. I know people say it’s everywhere but this is a crisis. If you have moved to town in the last 3 years you are not allowed at either of the medical centres in town. They don’t have the capacity. I’m sitting here waiting as I need scripts. I tried to get a regular appointment but there isn’t any. I have to wait until the 15th of December to try and then I may not get one and have to wait until January to try. But the 16th is December there will be no appointments. 

This has even been taken to the news and A Current Affair and still nothing has been done. 

The ED department at our little hospital is overwhelmed as if you are sick you have to go there. Even for the basics as a chest infection. No one here waiting seems sick. 

[Captain24]

So I managed to get an appointment with my GP. I asked him about the merima and the hormones. Could they be causing mood changes. Yes it can for up to three months. But the worst part is it can exacerbate bipolar symptoms. I could actually be going through a mixed episode. They are pretty dangerous. 

I have to monitor myself closely and reach out to him if things turn really south. He said he would see me immediately. I actually think he has bipolar. He seemed to really really get it. I know he has MH problems but the talk of bipolar was with acknowledge not just textbook.

I think I’m in for a really rocky road. It could be a really long, really hard couple of months. 

Also add all of this too. Its slightly all overwhelming. I think I’m heading into the hardest time of my life. Better to be prepared though than have it all hit without knowing what is going on. 

Im feeling a lot right now. My head is spinning. I have so much to do and now have to push through all this information. I think it’s going to be a big, hard day. 

[rav3n]

morning @Captain24!

i thought i hit 'send' to my post last night, but nope, it was sitting in my drafts today oops.

hope you and your friend have a lovely time next weekend!! do y'all have anything planned for the 2 nights? or will it be more of a chill, 'homey' vibe?

in my brain, i used to view "list incomplete" = worst thing ever, feels like the end of the world. but now it's more about, "list incomplete" = i did my best and the world is still spinning. it's kind of like, i learnt to compromise with myself ? so if i need to get A, B, C done, but i only find time for A - i try accept it. it's okay if B and C aren't done, i can do them later OR i can half ass them now and do it properly later. but both ways, i try hard to be self-compassionate, cos at the end of the day, judging myself only made it harder to push through and drained my emotional energy quicker. 

woah that's a pretty big queue before it even opens! good and accessible healthcare is so vital, it really sucks knowing that some aren't even able to make appts due to the massive waitlists 🙃 

also saw the pics above, love the tile colours!! the aesthetic you have going on is so nice, makes the room light up! 

[AuntGlow]

Good morning, lovely @Captain24. 

Wow! How do you feel now having more clarity around what's causing your emotional fluctuations? 

I can imagine there would be a lot of conflicting emotions coming up... because on one hand, you know what's happening, but on the other, there wasn't any forewarning - which must be so frustrating to sit with. 

I am very glad to know your GP listens and seems to get it, that is a big win. 

I can hear there is a lot going on and that things feel really overwhelming right now, but know that we have got you. We will figure this out as a team.

Let's just keep taking things day by day? 🫶 

[rav3n]

just saw your recent post too! oh wow, i'm glad you checked in about the merima - wish the surgeons had shared this info with you earlier so you knew what was coming. your GP sounds great, good to know he's quite knowledgeable in this area @Captain24 

with that in mind, please do take it easy. pushing yourself may make things worse, and i don't want you feeling even more burnt out by the time your friend arrives! i do know it's easier said than done, but i do hope you remind yourself that it'll be okay if your list isn't finished. it might not feel okay at first, but it will be okay. 💙