Lived Experience Forum

[Paperdaisy]

Trigger Warning- Talks about self-harm

March is self-harm awareness month and it’s about raising awareness and reducing stigma. Self-harming behaviour is often a way of coping with negative or overwhelming emotions. For some people, it can centre around a need to have some control, or it can be a way of releasing built up tension and anxiety. There are lots of different reasons why people self harm.

While not uncommon, there are safer ways we can cope with distress, and support our recovery journey. We can do this by learning new ways to manage those uncomfortable emotions and move towards more sustainable ways of dealing with distress- you may have heard this described as “distress tolerance”, “emotion regulation” or “alternatives to self harm”. Here, we call it building up your distress toolbox.

Some immediate alternatives to self-harm/harm minimisation

· Hold some cold ice cubes in your hand

· Place an elastic band around your wrist and flick it

· Distract yourself

· Have a hot or cold shower

· Play loud music

· Breathing exercises

· Go for a walk/ exercise

· Put something sour or spicy in your mouth and focus on the taste/sensation

· Draw on yourself

· Punch a pillow or a punching bag

· Scream into a pillow

· Shake your hands vigorously

· Seek support/call a friend

Everyone experiences both positive and negative emotions throughout their life. Sometimes people who self-harm have difficulty feeling intense emotions, so learning new ways to cope with intense feelings can help overcome the need to self-harm. Emotion regulation is about accepting those negative emotions with some awareness and care. More on this here 

For the community: How do you manage distress? Do you have any alternatives to self harm that we haven’t mentioned here?

Some more useful links:

Lifeline Factsheet 

Delay. Distract. Divert. Deep Breathing.  

Calm Harm app for managing self-harm

Please note: The purpose of this discussion is to talk about ways of coping with distress. I encourage you to review the community guidelines  and please be mindful when talking about self-harm. Thank you 💝

[Bow]

Self harm is something that I am struggling with a lot at the moment. It use to be my go to coping tool when I was in my early 20s. And I started again when my mental health flared up in 2020. It’s become more of a struggle these last few days as my usual go to coping tool, exercise, isn’t accessible at the moment. 

We talked a little about distress tolerance in my support group last week. We all shared some of the things that we try to do instead of self harming.  My psychologist has also spoken with me a fair bit.  

Some things that I can think of are;

TIP ( Temperature- placing your face in icy cold water. Intense exercise. Paced breathing and Paired muscle relaxation)

Painting

watching TV

Snuggling with my daughter. 

I have a hand out with a list of distractions and self soothing ideas. I wonder if I would be able to post it on here? 

[Rhye]

Hey @Bow I've heard good things about the ice water baths i.e. placing your face into a bath of icy water. Is this something that you've tried and it's worked for you? I've been meaning to give it a go for anxiety so I'd be keen to hear your thoughts.

[Bow]

No I haven’t tried it @Rhye  would probably draw too much attention to myself at home…. But have grabbed an ice pack… it kinda helped a little

[tyme]

Hi @Bow ,

Thank you for sharing some some ideas around managing SH urges.

It's great you've been able to support the community with ideas they may not have come across before.

As for sharing the handout, if it is just a list, I'm sure it is okay to share. However, if the document belongs to another person/organisation, you may want to run it past them first.

Otherwise, more than happy if you feel able to share what you've gleaned from the content of the handout? Absolutely no pressure 😉

Take care,

tyme

[Rhye]

Ah yes, sometimes it requires a level of privacy in a way @Bow. I think that's a really good point, because distress doesn't always happen when you're alone, it can build up in public spaces too. So what do we do when we need an immediate release from big/overwhelming feelings? Maybe that's where some paced breathing comes in handy. 

Looking forward to hearing everyones tips in this space!

[Bow]

@Rhye  Yeah it’s hard when that distress builds up when your around other people…. Or even if it’s those other people that are causing the distress. Sometimes for me just removing myself from the environment and going and sitting outside for a bit helps. 

i did a quick google search and found the lists there, so don’t think it will hurt to share? 

 

 

[greenpea]

this is perfect timing for pea. I have the urge badly. pea only hurts like a ballerina so nothing is left when healed. still the want is strong.

[Eden1919]

I have not self harmed for about 3-4 years now i used to do it daily or multiple times a day and for me none of those sorts of things worked to stop it the only thing that helped me was addressing the issues that were causing me to self harm in the first place. but also i am not totally sure if i have or haven't replaced it with other harmful behaviours that are just more socially acceptable it is something i need to think about maybe i just replaced it i am not sure either way it is a hard thing to manage.  

[chibam]

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@Paperdaisy wrote:

Please note: The purpose of this discussion is to talk about ways of coping with distress. I encourage you to review the community guidelines  and please be mindful when talking about self-harm. Thank you 💝

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I hope this is not too far off-topic. Apologies if it is. 😬

But has anyone ever had a once-off incident where they suddenly just lose control and just start self-harming, with no previous or future history of self-harm?

When we talk about self harm, I get the impression that it's generally meant as a sort of habitual behavior, like smoking. You don't tend to think of self harmers as people who suddenly do it once and then never again.

I'm not a habitual self harmer - not even in the occasional sense of "I might do it once every two or three years". But I had this incident once where I started doing it, with no previous history, and I've never done it again.

Also, I get the impression that, when most people talk about self harm, there's the implication of some level of deliberateness in the deed. Like they are in control of their bodies while they do it. But that wasn't my experiance at all. In my case, it was like my body was just running away without me, and I couldn't stop it, so I just had to sit there and take it.

But I guess the weird thing about it was that I wasn't particularly interested in stopping it, either. So it's not like I was fighting myself, or anything. I think I'd just given up at that point.

Is that typical for self harm incidents?