Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

sorry im no help to you tonight i just feel similar @Zoe7 - i wish there were answers and real help that helped quickly. hugs

[Zoe7]

Just knowing you get it is enough @Former-Member - the struggle continues for both of us 

[Zoe7]

Another sunrise, a new day, another night that I have made it through!

I closed my eyes - fearing I would not wake up but hoping that I didn't. How do you continue to go on living with such contradictions and competing thoughts. Every night is the same - frozen from my fears and drained from the turmoil within. Every morning brings with it the realisation I am still alive and the disappointment of having to face another day.

The day that I do not wake up will be the day that I am finally free!

[Phoenix_Rising]

I hear you @Zoe7. I so very badly wish I could magically heal your anguish. I know how dark the darkness can be and I know how hopeless the hopelessness can feel. I also know that shattered lives and broken souls can be healed...although trying to actually access those supports that can heal is another matter! I have nothing helpful to say...so I'm just going to sit here with you in the darkness.

[Zoe7]

Thankyou @Phoenix_Rising  Just like @Former-Member - you don't need to say anything - knowing you get it is enough  I presume that those two last characters in the nest are not actually touching - as little turtle DOES NOT DO touching 

[Phoenix_Rising]

@Zoe7 if Zoe needs safe touching then Phoenix_Rising will provide safe touching. But shhhhhhhh, don't broadcast it around - this exception only applies to very very VERY special people.

[Zoe7]

Shhhhhh @Phoenix_Rising - sooooo priviledged - and tears 

[Zoe7]

Today began in darkness - another nightmare, another sudden wake from sleep. I tried to pull myself up and get on with the day but the wind began and so did my flashbacks. I do not want to remember and I do not want to feel. I want to sleep but am too afraid - even in the daylight today. So I sit, in silence, with the wind blowing outside and in my mind. I can nearly touch the branches of the tree that sway above me - but they are just out of reach - and I can't pull myself to safety. Frozen in body, frozen in mind, frozen in time! The numbness is only interrupted by waves of pain. Each breathe is a relief and a disappointment. There is nowhere to hide and no-one can save me. I am on my own - I am alone.

[Phoenix_Rising]

You are not alone @Zoe7

[oceangirl]

You are not alone @Zoe7. Connect to yourself and I hope your treating team is able to help you do this, and to feel comfortable in your own skin. I am here and I am not going anywhere. Take a deep breathe and step out in the world- you can do this and I believe in you.