Constant flashbacks

[creative_writer]

Does anyone else struggle with daily flashbacks? I keep getting somatic flashbacks day after day and it’s so exhausting 

[DogMan79]

@creative_writer 

Yes

I'm currently working with Somatic Therapy approaches. Like in this book:

https://www.amazon.com.au/Waking-Tiger-Peter-Levine/dp/155643233X/ref=asc_df_155643233X?mcid=ef1891b...

[creative_writer]

@DogMan79 the book looks interesting. Somatic approaches can be really powerful. I find talking about trauma challenging. My psych is getting me to a more regulated place so I am able to process trauma through EMDR. I am definitely not regulated right now, I am hoping I can turn down the intensity of the flashbacks. I am aware they are flashbacks, I used to find it confusing before. I have even had times when I thought something medically was going on.

I just hope it starts hurting less. I’m feeling completely shattered right now 😭. I’m out right now and trying to not cry

[creative_writer]

I wish it was easier to not cry. I don’t know why I feel so emotional. I don’t cry much anymore. I know I shouldn’t be feeling the need to cry when I’m out with people and celebrating

[Honeymoon]

Hi @creative_writer ,

Thank you for sharing so openly about this process - it sounds incredibly intense and emotionally exhausting, especially when the flashbacks are strong are hard to regulate. It makes sense that you are feeling "shattered" at the moment. I want to gently remind you that this doesn't mean that what you are doing isn't working. I also wish to commend your ongoing courage and resilience as it's really positive that you're working with your psychologist and exploring approaches that can best support your recovery.

You're not alone in this and you may consider connecting with someone you trust in this moment. Feel free to also share some grounding exercises that have helped calm your nervous system in the past, or let the community know how they can best support you, within the bounds of the Forums. 

Thinking of you💛

~ @Honeymoon 

[creative_writer]

@Honeymoon we have been exploring sensory grounding. I am a scent person and love perfumes and essential oil. I also love my bamboo bed sheets. I also have a ring for fidgeting. Being ND means I naturally move around a lot and fidget. I do get a lot of nervous energy and exercise and take walks as long as I do it in moderation (can’t overdo in ED recovery). I also explored a safe place with my psych last session.

I’m trying to use the strategies more frequently, but I am also mindful these things take time, especially since my nervous system has been activated for so long. Uni has been rough and a big trigger. Studying MH has its challenges.

I know having a good cry may help, but now it’s the time and space. I’m out and I hate crying in public and in front of people. It doesn’t feel safe to let it out now.

I’ll see my supports in the week coming. My psych wants to see me more frequently since I’ve just switched to her recently. My psychiatrist wants to monitor my meds because I was in crisis mode just weeks ago. I’m safe now and no longer have urges. It’s still been hard, but I don’t have urges anymore. I have a lot to fill my GP on with mental health triage and med changes

[Honeymoon]

It sounds like you've been super thoughtful in finding grounding strategies that work for you @creative_writer , especially with sensory supports - I love that you know your limits with exercise and the things that best help regulate you.

I am glad to hear that you are staying connected with your team regularly and thank you for clarifying safety also.

We're here with you - and I hope your nervous system has more moments of ease soon💛

~ @Honeymoon 

[creative_writer]

@Honeymoon I believe ND brains respond so well to sensory comfort. It helps to be able to focus on something outside of my body. I am not the type of person who can tolerate inner mindfulness type strategies.

I guess not having SI is an improvement. I do think I should take proactive steps to prevent myself from getting to that place again. I am feeling a bit anxious talking to my GP. Mental health triage did inform him about my MH. I don’t think I can avoid telling him my past history with MH triage and HOPE team. I might also need to mention that trauma and shame played a role in my crisis state. My bipolar played a significant role, but the thoughts around trauma and shame made it hard to not spiral out of control. I am not sure I would have made it if I couldn’t get a hold of my psychiatrist for an appointment on the day. I delayed my urges because I was hoping I could contact my psychiatrist and/or mental health triage. I was becoming actively suicidal, it was really hard but I got through it. It was a very heavy day

[creative_writer]

Hi @Jynx not sure why I’m feeling shook right now. Is it because I finally have to admit to my GP what happened over a few weeks? Maybe I’m shook over what has happened

[Jynx]

Hey @creative_writer 

Yeah sounds very possible, like you're rattled about it all becoming very 'real' by having to talk about it? I know the feeling. When's the appt?