Constant flashbacks

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I’ve been more settled, and haven’t taken PRN since Thursday. I’m hoping to remain settled and restlessness doesn’t come back. I will let my psychiatrist know where my mood has been at on Friday. I see my psychologist again next week, we are at weekly right now. It did escalate to strong SI recently, but I managed to prevent it from getting dangerous through PRN. I’m okay now.

I’m feeling burnt out from uni, only have a bit longer to go.

Cats can be very food orientated. Initial stages of forming a catship involves bribery with food 🤣.

How have you been?

[creative_writer]

Struggling with intrusive memories, trying to sniff perfume to ground myself. I rather throw up than be flooded with memories

[Jynx]

@creative_writer glad you have that regular support hun. 

Yes you're so close to the finish line!! How exciting!

Definitely wins em over to have treats!! 

I've been okay, just staying cosy and trying to eat some hearty meals. Minestrone tonight 😋

Hope that you've been able to ground yourself a little - PRN and crisis supports are always an option if you need 💜

[creative_writer]

@Jynx  I think I’m going to need regular support for a while. ED plan allows me to have a bit flexibility with sessions. I can get 40 sessions over 12 month period. I need to get more sessions, I’ll get a new referral early June. I also have a medical test I need to do but I’m dreading it. Last time I got so dysregulated when I did it last time. It’s hard with a history of trauma, some tests can feel intrusive. I was thinking of doing it after Friday so it won’t interfere with uni assignments.

I feel like food is the first step and then they slowly learn to love you. It’s just how cat brains work. I heard they don’t have inner monologue and think in terms of senses.

I hope you enjoy your Minestrone. It has been miserable. I took a walk this afternoon and it was overcast.

I have just submitted an assignment and then started crying. Maybe I’ve been stressed. I’m holding up okay right now, but will monitor how I feel

[Jynx]

It can be tough when medical appts/tests feel invasive or overwhelming hey @creative_writer - I hope you are able to feel comfy enough to flag it with whoever is administering it. 

That makes sense, especially cos unlike dogs they're not pack animals. They seem to run on vibes hehe 😸

It was good! I don't mind the cold, but the lack of sun makes it very hard to do laundry, or to want to get out into nature. Plus the vitamin D deficiency... 😅

Oh hun, I hope it does feel like a release of some pressure. Sounds like it's been a lot to keep everything together whilst finishing off uni. Not long to go 💜

[creative_writer]

@Jynx it’s self administrated which takes the load off a bit, but it’s still hard. I’ll try to be slow with myself and can talk to my psych. 

Cats are interesting. I heard they also have secure and insecure attachment styles. 

I take vitamin d everyday because I don’t think I would get enough sunlight otherwise. Cold weather, especially when it’s raining means more time indoors. Do you have winter hobbies? 

[Jynx]

@creative_writer hope it goes okay 🤞

That's interesting! I think my cats are anxious-attached because they're very clingy, lol. Probably to do with being born under the house and me having to relocate their mother... Skittish kitties! 

Yeah I don't always remember to take my vitamin D gummies but I did try to get a little sun today when it peaked out from behind the clouds! 

Hmm winter hobbies... well I try to read more. I do end up playing more video games too 😅

What about you?

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I was going to do the test just before my GP appointment on Monday because I can’t be bothered to go out of the way to drop it off. Though I’m scared I’ll end up in the appointment dysregulated. The test was given through a female GP not my regular , it’s one of those female tests. I need to get another referral on Monday for more psych sessions.

The neighbour’s old cat was anxiously attached. She was clingy and scratchy sort of cat. I think she had abandonment anxiety, poor thing. Their new cat seems more securely attached.

Maybe attachment is part temperament. My siblings have different attachment styles to me. I come across as avoidant on the outside, but I do have anxiety. My sister is anxious and my brother is probably secure. I’ve been learning insecure attachment style doesn’t mean you can’t have stable and secure relationships. My anxiety isn’t present in all my relationships.

It can be confusing keeping up with meds and vitamins. I’ve sort of created a system and order of eating whatever I need to eat. But sometimes the brain can still forget. Do you think it’ll be helpful putting the gummies next to your adhd meds, so you can take them together?

I haven’t been up to much recently. I’m hoping to get through uni stuff first and then maybe I could read and catch up on some TV. I do want to go back into writing too, I never finished my poem about generational trauma.

i seem to be having tagging issues 

[Jynx]

@creative_writer maybe you could make some dot points of what you want out of your GP appt so that if you feel dysregulated when you arrive, you won't have to worry about the brain fog getting too in the way. 

Thankfully my kitties are not mean or scratchy. They've never hurt me - well, except by accident when they were kittens haha. 

Oh for sure, I think all sorts of factors can influence attachment - like birth order, cos maybe the parents learn or act a bit different when they've already been parenting a while, as well as experiences outside the family, like childhood friendships and stuff. And then yeah temperament, gender, neurology and biology, etc. - check out Jessica Fern's 'Nested Model of Attachment' if you are interested, cos it goes into all the various factors that can influence attachment 😉

Yeah forgetting to take vitamins feels like a big ADHD mood haha so that is a great idea!! Just having them somewhere in line of sight seems to help me, but not always - sometimes it becomes just like 'part of the furniture' if you know what I mean 😅

Reading, watching, and writing sounds ace! Nice combo of active, passive, and creative activities 😊

Yeah the tagging issues are going around unfortunately. Hopefully it'll be sorted soon 🤞

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I could write some dot points in case, the appointment purpose is pretty straightforward since I just need to get a referral. 

I feel like sometimes kitties don't realise how much their scratches and bites hurt. It sounds like your kitties are well behaved. 

I have wondered whether I have oldest daughter syndrome. My parents were new at parenting when they had me. Sometimes adults don't realise that toddlers can't put emotions to words and can't help it but have meltdowns. My autistic traits were definitely there when I was really young. I also hated it when people touched me when I wasn't in the mood for physical touch. I think I ended up mirroring my dad's independence in a way because my mum would feel so insecure about her emotional expression. My younger sister is more emotionally expressive than me. My mum talks about how logical I am, which I find hilarious because I can be so emotionally driven. It is true I am super analytical like my dad. 

I've created a system for my supplements and meds. I've missed medication doses a number of times, it's not exactly ideal. It's gotten so bad that I stayed up the whole night. I do get what you mean by "part of furniture" 😅.